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  • >> OKAY, THANK YOU ALL FOR JOINING

  • CAN YOU HEAR ME?

  • CAN EVERYONE HEAR ME?

  • HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M MUTED?

  • >> JAMES: WE CAN HEAR YOU.

  • >> GREAT.

  • SO, LOOK, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.

  • I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START.

  • WHAT HAPPENED, GUYS?

  • >> I'M SHELL SHOCKED.

  • >> TOTALLY.

  • SHELL SHOCKED.

  • >> JAMES: I AM ALSO SHELL SHOCKED.

  • >> I'M SUPER DUPER, SUPER DUPER SHELL SHOCKED.

  • >> THERE'S A GLOBAL PANDEMIC, MILLIONS OF PEOPLE ARE WORKING

  • FROM HOME AND WE DROPPED THE BALL.

  • THIS SHOULD BE OUR MOMENT.

  • WHAT HAPPENED?

  • >> I... NO IDEA.

  • >> JAMES: IT'S LIKE... 2020, MAN.

  • YOU KNOW?

  • >> WE ARE SKYPE, PEOPLE!

  • SKYPE!

  • AS RECENTLY AS FEBRUARY, WE WERE A VERB!

  • WE WERE THE THING.

  • "HEY, ARE YOU COMING TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY?"

  • "I CAN'T, I'M IN JOSHUA TREE WITH MY AUNT, BUT I CAN SKYPE

  • IN."

  • "OH, EVEN BETTER."

  • WHERE DID THAT GO?

  • >> JAMES: I THINK IT WAS-- >> NO, DON'T YOU SAY IT.

  • >> OH, YOU MEAN, Z-- >> DON'T YOU DARE SAY, "ZOOM."

  • >> JAMES: IT'S JUST REALLY HARD TO ANSWER THAT WITHOUT SAYING

  • ZOOM.

  • I MEAN, EVERYONE LOVES ZOOM.

  • ZOOM MEETINGS.

  • >> ZOOM TRIVIA NIGHTS.

  • >> ZOOM HAPPY HOURS.

  • >> ZOOM COURT HEARINGS TO GET CUSTODY OVER YOUR GOLDENDOODLE

  • "MUGSY" FROM YOUR WORTHLESS EX-FIANCE, STUART.

  • UGH, ZOOM'S THE WORST.

  • >> JAMES: HONESTLY, VIDEO CHAT SHOULDN'T BE EASY.

  • IF IT DOESN'T TAKE AT LEAST 25 MINUTES TO SET-UP, I'M NOT

  • INTERESTED.

  • I DON'T TRUST IT.

  • >> LIKE, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT ZOOM IS.

  • WHAT IS THAT, LIKE A VENGA BOYS SONG?

  • >> NO, IT'S THE COMPANY THAT'S BEATING US IN EVERY SINGLE

  • NON-GRANDMOTHER-RELATED DEMOGRAPHIC!

  • I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

  • WHAT HAVE THEY GOT THAT WE DON'T?

  • >> IT'S INEXPLICABLE.

  • >> WELL, IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING!

  • >> JAMES: TREVOR?

  • TREVOR...

  • TREVOR.

  • TREV!

  • I THINK HE'S FROZEN.

  • >> HUH?

  • OH, NO, SORRY, I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE VENGA BOYS.

  • I'VE GOT NOTHING.

  • >> IF I CAN JUMP IN HERE, ZOOM DOES HAVE SOME PRETTY COOL

  • FEATURES.

  • I MEAN, NOT COOL, I PERSONALLY HATE THEM, BUT, LIKE, YOU CAN

  • CHANGE YOUR BACKGROUND.

  • >> YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR BACKGROUND WITH SKYPE!

  • WATCH!

  • THERE!

  • NEW BACKGROUND!

  • >> JAMES: YOU JUST GOT UP AND MOVED YOUR COMPUTER.

  • >> YEAH, EXACTLY.

  • I SWITCHED BACKGROUNDS.

  • WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

  • >> JAMES: OKAY, BUT IF YOU WANT A TROPICAL ISLAND AS YOUR

  • BACKGROUND, YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY FLY TO A TROPICAL ISLAND.

  • >> DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A PROBLEM TO ME!

  • >> JAMES: WHERE'S OUR HEAD OF MARKETING?

  • HE SHOULD BE ALL OVER THIS.

  • HAS ANYONE SEEN LOUIS?

  • >> HE SHOULD BE HERE.

  • LET ME TEXT HIM.

  • >> SORRY, I HAD THE WRONG ZOOM ROOM-- NOT ZOOM ROOM, I MEAN,

  • SKYPE ROOM...

  • >> OH, MY GOD, THIS IS THE PROBLEM!

  • >> EXACTLY.

  • SKYPE DOESN'T RHYME WITH ROOM.

  • >> THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

  • >> WHAT IF WE ADDED A CHAT FEATURE?

  • >> ZOOM HAS IT.

  • >> RECORDING?

  • >> ZOOM HAS IT.

  • >> JAMES: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT ZOOM DOESN'T HAVE.

  • THEY DON'T HAVE A FUNKY LITTLE JINGLE.

  • DO YOU HEAR A FUNKY LITTLE JINGLE WHEN YOU ZOOM SOMEONE?

  • YOU DON'T HEAR A FUNKY LITTLE JINGLE.

  • PLAY OUR FUNKY LITTLE JINGLE.

  • (SKYPE JINGLE) YAY!

  • >> I LOVE THAT SONG.

  • >> IT HONESTLY SAVED MY LIFE.

  • >> IT'S SO GOOD.

  • (EVERYONE SINGING SKYPE JINGLE) >> GUYS, STOP, STOP.

  • THIS IS TERRIBLE.

  • THIS IS THE WORST YEAR EVER.

  • NO ONE'S NAME HAS TAKEN A HARDER HIT THAN US.

  • >> NOBODY?

  • >> OH.

  • YEAH.

  • SORRY KAREN.

  • EXCEPT YOU.

  • >> SORRY, KAREN.

  • >> I'M SO SORRY, KAREN.

  • ARE YOU DOING OKAY?

  • >> I CAN'T COMPLAIN.

  • LITERALLY, I CAN'T COMPLAIN, EVER AGAIN.

  • >> ALRIGHT EVERYONE, FOCUS.

  • HOW DO WE WIN BACK THE HEARTS AND THE SCREENS OF AMERICA?

  • >> OKAY, WHAT DOES EVERYONE LOVE?

  • FREE STUFF AND VACATIONS.

  • >> JAMES: YES.

  • >> SO WHAT IF EVERY TIME SOMEBODY NEW SIGNS UP FOR

  • SKYPE...

  • >> JAMES: YES.

  • >> -- THEY'RE ENTERED INTO A RAFFLE TO WIN A FREE VACATION...

  • >> JAMES: LOVE WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH THIS.

  • >> ON A CARNIVAL CRUISE.

  • WHOA, WHOA, WAIT.

  • LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

  • YOU'RE SAYING THE WAY TO SAVE SKYPE DURING A GLOBAL PANDEMIC

  • IS TO GIVE OUR CUSTOMERS FREE TRIPS ON A CRUISE SHIP?

  • >> YES.

  • >> THAT'S GENIUS!

  • LET'S GET THE CONTRACT GOING.

  • I GOTTA JUMP OFF.

  • I HAVE A ZOOM WORKOUT WITH MY TRAINER IN FIVE, THEN I GOTTA

  • FACETIME MY KIDS.

  • MEETING ADJOURNED!

  • WE'RE BACK, BABY!

  • (CHEERS) >> James: WE'RE BACK, BABY,

  • YEAH!

  • GREAT MEETING, GUYS.

  • >> HOW TO I GET OUT OF HERE.

  • STILL SEE ME?

  • IS IT LIKE A HOAX?

  • >> James: IT'S A MEETING.

  • LET'S END THE MEETING.

  • ( TALKING AT THE SAME TIME ) >> James: HOST.

  • THE HOST HAS TO END THE MEETING!

>> OKAY, THANK YOU ALL FOR JOINING

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/10/23
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