Well, you know how I love those emotionally unavailable zoo.

Yeah.

I mean, you always joke about that, but now I'm really seeing that you dio and I did not handle that.

Well, how dare you joke about something that I joke about?

That is actually really that I use humor to deflect.

Who do you think you are?

Someone that listens to me.

Someone that sees me.

Someone who accepts the things I tell them about myself is fact.

I didn't say any of that, but I thought it.

Now, first off, being emotionally unavailable doesn't make someone a bad person or incapable of love.

Like very often, emotional unavailability is just a coping mechanism from our childhood and the go to attachment style of the avoidance.

And sometimes emotional unavailability is just temporary because we just went through a really hard break up or we're dealing with the death or we're just going through a very stressful experience.

But there are some clear signs that someone is emotionally unavailable for the long term one.

They haven't been in serious relationships.

Yeah, I've never been in a relationship before.

I want to It's just that every man is awful to their hot and cold.

What three.

They avoid conversations that go deeper.

This one could actually be tricky.

I dated someone who's really good at talking about deep topics like racism, sexism, sexual assault, politics, spirituality.

But the moment the conversation became about his past, his relationship history or any of his own personal vulnerabilities No good luck breaking through that three emotionally unavailable don't communicate consistently.

They're usually unable to describe how they're feeling.

Like naming specific emotions typically aren't good at receiving or showing affection, and my personal favorite tend to avoid labels.

I just think that premature commitment, my ruin, the bomb that we're building, how well by putting a name on it, does not come with certain expectations that could potentially hinder our soul contract.

I don't think a genuine connection could be broken by something as simple as you calling me your girlfriend.

I disagree.

One minute I'm calling you my girlfriend.

The next minute you expect me not to see other people, then we're moving in together.

Then you're smothering me with your constant need for emotional support and intimacy, then were married, trapped in a loveless hopeless.

This.

Wow.

Okay, But also be honest with yourself.

How emotionally unavailable are you?

Are you secretly afraid of falling in love?

Because you'll get hurt?

Are you distrustful and cut off people at the drop of a hat?

Do you like keeping your options open in case someone better comes along?

Do you fear that a relationship means you'll lose yourself, your identity and your independence?

The good news is emotional unavailability is something that can be worked on.

It really just requires the will to work on your own personal development, show up and be vulnerable.

And, yes, there will definitely be some stumbles along the way.

But ultimately, if you want a meaningful connection and intimate relationship, the work for the emotionally unavailable person is necessary.

And if you're the person dealing with someone who's emotionally unavailable, you have to figure out if they're actually willing to show up and do that work.

I'm Anaconda and thank you to square space for sponsoring today's video.

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