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  • Let's not pretend this isn't weird.

  • - Hi, Dad. - How you doing?

  • - I never wanted any of this. - You kind of asked for it,

  • you know, with the roaming penis of it all.

  • This is where we are now.

  • I can't start over

  • with every yenta in town talking about my divorce.

  • Well, you've been watching upskirt videos all day.

  • Chadwick must've upskirted half the school.

  • Hey, I'm not watching, I'm listening.

  • You know, I really hate it.

  • - Hate what? - That they're smarter than us.

  • - Ten dollars, right? - These are on me.

  • - But I only asked for one. - What?

  • You want me to join you for a drink right now?

  • Dominating win for Hurley Ho.

  • Can I make a gameplay suggestion?

  • Don't come out too strong.

  • Did you patch things up with Hook?

  • It's just, I'm not comfortable using the Student Council

  • for illegal activities.

  • It's all legal as far as you know.

  • Tell Hook I unlock the snack bar two hours before game time

  • and to not involve me in whatever legal thing he's doing.

  • [upbeat music playing]

  • [Farrah] Isn't it weird how we all have

  • this amazing ability to share and reshare

  • our connection to the outside world,

  • but we neglect the one we're actually walking in?

  • If we want to feel outrage,

  • why do we bury ourselves in our newsfeed?

  • There's plenty of injustice right in front of us to go around.

  • Where's Hurley?

  • You seen this Buzzfeed video yet?

  • I saw it.

  • Gosh, it's horrifying.

  • I mean, these are children.

  • [drumline music playing]

  • - This is normal. - [loud clattering]

  • Whatever that sound is, it's getting closer.

  • Uh... should we be running?

  • [clattering]

  • What is this?

  • The school is cutting girls cross-country and lacrosse.

  • They say they don't have the money for them.

  • I'm not getting the bras.

  • It's part of the protest. Like bra burning in the '60s.

  • Oh, bra burning wasn't a real thing.

  • It was a myth. You can Google it.

  • Sorry. Why is there suddenly no money?

  • I don't know, but if I don't play,

  • I don't get a scholarship.

  • Farrah: If you're willing to post a story about the treatment

  • of sea turtles 1,000 miles away from home,

  • you'd better also be willing to fight for the friend

  • who has stood by your side since you were eight.

  • - [mic feedback] - [theme song plays]

  • In a manner of speaking

  • ♪ I don't think we'll be speaking at all

  • How is the protest this morning not the top story right now?

  • Because it's girls cross-country and lacrosse. Nobody cares.

  • Angry girls waving metal bats is a huge story.

  • I suppose the no-bra angle could generate some clicks.

  • I can make a jiggle .gif of Jane with the Ds.

  • Okay, I realize most of your posts are hot indexes

  • and new-couple alerts,

  • but sometimes the gig is actually important.

  • Don't make this about something it's not.

  • [quietly] I'm kidding.

  • I will give the protest the juice it deserves.

  • [whispers] Thank you.

  • I don't care what they do as long as they don't cut

  • - chick volleyball. - You're into girl's volleyball?

  • I'm into camel-toe shorts.

  • How exactly did they afford

  • to resod the football field this year?

  • And what about that brand-new scoreboard outside?

  • Yeah, the football team takes

  • five buses of fans to away games.

  • How do they not have enough money for girls cross-country?

  • It's just girls and land. Someone needs to explain this.

  • I heard the athletic director

  • wasn't even in the building this morning.

  • Ooh, and the Jayne's gettin' tricky.

  • And I'm pretty sure Principal Cowher

  • is still hiding under her desk, so.

  • Which is why we're gonna do it in front of the school tomorrow.

  • Ooh, braless girls in front of the school.

  • - That'll wake this town up. - Uh-huh.

  • What time are you guys marching?

  • What do you mean "you guys"?

  • I'm not on a sports team.

  • You were just complaining about human cruelty two hours ago.

  • And you freed the nip in protest.

  • I mean, what was that, just a cool thing to do

  • for a good Instagram post?

  • What are we actually protesting?

  • I mean, the fact that the girls team didn't sell enough brownies?

  • This isn't human trafficking.

  • Let's keep it all in perspective.

  • How about the fact that no boys teams got cut?

  • Sometimes girls sports just get screwed.

  • The US women's soccer team makes half of what the men make,

  • and they're actually good.

  • So what was all this for you?

  • Just make some noise and hope it all works out?

  • - [scoffs] - What about you?

  • You saw Wonder Woman the day it opened.

  • I'm always down for a fight.

  • Good, maybe we should do something

  • a little more than protest.

  • What do you want me to do?

  • Well, if we want to know where the money's going,

  • we have to know how much is coming in.

  • Do you think you could find out how much

  • - the fundraisers bring in? - Oh, so use my girl power.

  • I never said that I wasn't into the fight.

  • I probably have a girl power, too, that I could use.

  • You want a girl power?

  • How about a trump card, twat bags?

  • Are you and Plain watching "how to win at bridge" videos

  • - on YouTube? - Grace gave us a few tips.

  • It's just girls working together.

  • You should support the U-N-I-T-Y.

  • That's incredibly annoying.

  • [drumline music playing]

  • We've lost five games in a row.

  • What do you think Grace told them?

  • I think the question is why did Grace tell them?

  • I mean, the tips are clearly a passive-aggression.

  • Really? Grace seems kinda mousy for any aggression,

  • even a passive one.

  • Maybe she just wants to keep us as new friends.

  • Madame President doesn't need us anymore.

  • She has plenty of new friends.

  • The little mousy is quicker on her feet than you think.

  • Do you remember in her election speech

  • when she said, "Candidate Ilo said a few minutes ago

  • that you don't know me, but you do"?

  • I mean, I didn't write that. I wrote most of her speech.

  • But I couldn't have written that part.

  • That was Grace reacting to Ilo's speech

  • in the moment, and she crushed it.

  • All I'm saying is don't sleep on mousy

  • because a pile of passive aggressions

  • usually leads to an aggressive aggression.

  • I'll keep an eye on her, but what should I do

  • about the other thing while With-a-Y does her thing?

  • Just protest your face off tomorrow.

  • I'll see if I can dig up anything tonight.

  • [girl] That's why soccer works for me.

  • I have a purpose on the field.

  • But if I'm standing alone with nothing to do,

  • I get antsy, and I want to leave.

  • Please wear pants. Please wear pant-- pants!

  • Hide your stiff sock

  • and put your hands where I can see 'em!

  • Did I actually catch you watching porn this time?

  • What was it? Plushie?

  • Time stop. Oh, begging.

  • Your vast knowledge of weirdo porn is not going unnoticed.

  • Eh. Birds of a feather. So what are you hiding?

  • Nothing. I was, you know, logging the Chadwick tapes.

  • Oh, yeah? Where's the paper?

  • It was there.

  • Mm-hmm. Who were you watching?

  • - Nobody. - Well, you shut that laptop

  • pretty quickly, so it has to be someone.

  • It was just this freshman with social anxiety.

  • It's not a big deal.

  • Similar to yours, or...

  • I don't know. She barely says.

  • Now did you come here to ride me,

  • or do you actually need something?

  • So she's a she. Is that why the paper was down?

  • No, God, no.

  • Clearly you're hiding something

  • because you closed the laptop very quickly.

  • Then when I asked you about it, you said it was a freshman

  • instead of a freshman girl,

  • which is a very convenient leave-out.

  • It's not a convenient leave-out.

  • You can just say that you're interested in her.

  • It's cute. What's her name?

  • Why do I have to tell you her name?

  • You never talk to me you about Will,

  • or any other guys, for that matter.

  • Yeah, because I don't want to make you jealous.

  • Now who is it?

  • - Fine, it's Hannah Hampton. - Ilo's sister.

  • No wonder you didn't want to tell me.

  • And PS, I tell you way more about me than I do anyone else.

  • - Including Hurley. - [car approaches]

  • - Oh, your mom's home. - Using me to get my mom. It's a dick move.

  • I'm not using you, and speaking of dick moves,

  • Ilo will totally kick your ass

  • if he finds out that you're interested in his sister.

  • - Don't manipulate my mom. - She loves me.

  • I realize that your primary goal is to keep order in the school,

  • but you're also a strong, independent woman

  • and a feminist.

  • I like to think of myself that way.

  • And on top of all of that, you're raising a semi-normal son

  • who I'm sure you want to respect women.

  • Okay, that's a little heavy-handed, Farrah.

  • I know I went a little too far with the "semi-normal" bit.

  • I get what you're driving at.

  • It's devastating to lose funding

  • for any art or sports, especially women's sports,

  • but that's just how school budgets work.

  • I just don't understand how we could have

  • a brand-new scoreboard on the football field,

  • yet we have to cut girls teams altogether.

  • Well, that scoreboard is used for girls soccer

  • and field hockey.

  • I love your passion, but the money just isn't there.

  • I mean, maybe if more people came out to support

  • our girls, then we could sell more snacks

  • at the snack bar and maybe even sell a few tickets.

  • I know, I go to every single one of the games.

  • Girls soccer's playing right now.

  • Then I am late for a game.

  • - Bye, Farrah. - Bye, Mrs. Cowher.

  • - Wait. - What?

  • Who are you? That was not combative at all.

  • And yet I got all the info that I need.

  • What info?

  • I need to know where the buck starts

  • and where it ends, and neither is with your mom.

  • - Which means? - Someone else is holding the purse.

  • Are you really going to a girls soccer game?

  • - I really am. - Why?

  • Good luck with Hannah.

  • Don't ruin your entire sock collection.

  • [players shouting]

  • [line out rings]

  • [Jayne] Hey, Fare.

  • - Hey. - Working on it.

  • All good.

  • I need you to find something else out.

  • And this requires use of your other special skills.

  • Okay, what do you need?

  • - [Plain Jane] What's the story? - I'll call you back.

  • Do you always deliver your product to the snack bar

  • while an actual game is going on?

  • Welcome to Wednesday Night Lights.

  • - Except it's day. - Right.

  • No one of consequence is ever here.

  • So our real water goes here on the left,

  • and our loaded stuff here on the right.

  • Okay. This is actually kind of fun.

  • I know. It turns out doing something naughty,

  • kind of enjoyable. Who knew?

  • I had no idea you guys were such big fans of girls soccer.

  • Or each other.

  • What are you doing here?

  • - Supporting the girls team. - [laughs] Okay.

  • I'm gonna go grab another load.

  • Hook and I are just hanging out.

  • - I didn't ask. - I'm just saying so you know.

  • You know, when I first saw you, I actually thought

  • you were here to get more bridge tips from Grace.

  • Isn't that right, Grace?

  • Just thought you might get tired of winning all the time.

  • But if it bothers you, I can back off.

  • No, I like the competition.

  • Where does the money from the snack bar go?

  • - Hook's goes in his pocket. - The stuff you sell.

  • Goes to the AD's office. Why?

  • No reason.

  • I don't know why that felt so weird with Farrah.

  • It's like my mom caught me having Skype sex.

  • Are you talking about setting up the snack bar thing?

  • Or just about, like, getting caught with me in general?

  • Both, but really the you part.

  • You don't have to feel weird.

  • I mean, we haven't done anything yet.

  • Yet?

  • I assume things just got weirder?

  • A whole lot weirder.

  • [camera shutter clicking]

  • Sorry.

  • Hey.

  • All right, here's all the fundraising numbers

  • I could get my hands on.

  • - It's not a little bit of cash. - And that other thing?

  • The ladies and I had a little chat

  • with the dude who runs the football ticket booth.

  • And let me guess, they drop off the cash

  • at a former football hero's office.

  • Why, yes, he does.

  • I also found out that this hero won't be in his office

  • until after 11:00 just in case you wanted to talk to him.

  • Rock star. Get a hall pass for 11:15.

  • [drumline music playing]

  • [door opens]

  • - Hey. - Hey. So what's the plan?

  • We're gonna talk to the athletic director.

  • It will be fine.

  • We're doing a story for the school paper.

  • You know he's a family friend.

  • He helped get my brother into college.

  • Do you know what happens to an AD

  • who runs a successful high school football program?

  • They get into college, too, and trust me, the salary

  • will be a lot better than at a public school like ours.

  • [knock on door]

  • Come in.

  • Hi, can I help you?

  • We're with The Tiger Press,

  • and we're doing a story on the protests.

  • - Do you mind if I record you? - Um, okay.

  • I've never been in here before.

  • I heard you were a big deal when you used to play.

  • But all of this? Wow.

  • Sara, how you doing?

  • How's your brother doing in school?

  • Great, yeah, he's still loving it.

  • That's cool, good.

  • So what, do you want-- want a statement or...

  • Well, it's a horrible situation, right?

  • I mean, it kills me when any sport is cut

  • because of some state budgetary reason, and these cuts,

  • [scoffs] my hands are tied.

  • I mean, car washes and bake sales

  • are not going to add up to buses and equipment

  • and everything else that fattens our budget.

  • If I could change that, I would.

  • Look, ladies, listen,

  • I have daughters that play sports.

  • - Oh. - Right.

  • The money's not there. Trust me.

  • Thank you so much for your statement.

  • Sure.

  • I know it'll do a lot to ease the tension out there.

  • - Glad I could help. - Thank you, Mr. Fischer.

  • Say hey to your brother.

  • That was so uncomfortable.

  • What do you think he was hiding in those boxes in his office?

  • Do you even hear me?

  • He's been very good to my family.

  • I'm not saying he hasn't, but that doesn't mean

  • he's not hiding something.

  • He said "trust me" and closed his eyes.

  • Classic liar's tell.

  • Plain does it when we play bridge.

  • I'll meet you at lunch.

  • [school bell rings]

  • [drumline music playing]

  • - That's a subtle bump this morning. - What bump?

  • You nudged me on purpose.

  • Well, I don't remember.

  • So it couldn't have been on purpose.

  • [sighs] I need your help.

  • What illegalish thing do you need me to do now?

  • Nothing you haven't done before.

  • You need my mom's keys?

  • I think I know where the buck stops.

  • I just need to search AD Fischer's office a little.

  • You think you're gonna find a smoking gun, don't you?

  • I know how much the fundraisers and the ticket sales bring in.

  • Now I just need to know how much Fischer's spending.

  • So what you're saying is that something

  • about Fischer smells a little--

  • - Please don't say it. - I'm gonna say it.

  • If you're gonna say it, then you gotta break in with me.

  • Fishy. [chuckles]

  • I'll pick you up at 7:00.

  • Okay, I will be picked up at 7:00.

  • Goodbye, Cowher.

  • Wait, uh...

  • do you wanna hang out and eat with me?

  • I have a bridge game to get to, and I know it's not your bag,

  • but I actually like sitting with people.

  • That's cool, do your thang.

  • You know, you don't have to eat by yourself

  • up here all the time.

  • You're a funny guy. People will like you.

  • You just have to put yourself out there a little, you know?

  • I don't know, she seems like normal Farrah to me.

  • - Whatever normal Farrah is. - Really?

  • Out of nowhere, she drops Stacey this summer

  • and refuses to say why, and now--

  • Since when does her keeping stuff from us seem weird to you?

  • Nope, leave me out of this.

  • Okay, and why is she icing me out of the sports thing?

  • No offense, but you kind of said you didn't want to be involved.

  • Hey, sorry I'm late. Had to take care of something.

  • Can't be good for someone.

  • [scoffs] What are we talking about?

  • - Nothing. - Hmm.

  • Can I have my seat back?

  • You know what I just realized?

  • You can see the entire cafeteria from this chair.

  • You know what I also just realized?

  • You can see the entire cafeteria from your spot

  • - up on the catwalk. - Love you, too.

  • All right, you ready to break the Janes streak?

  • - We are gonna take you down. - Are you?

  • 'Cause you haven't even sniffed a win in days.

  • Slow your roll, okay?

  • Farrah and I won like 35 in a row before this lucky streak.

  • Deal 'em up.

  • So did you get anywhere with Fischer?

  • Not yet, but I will, trust me.

  • Okay. [laughs]

  • Hey, why do you hate Stacey Moorehead?

  • Weren't you fooling around with Ilo

  • - at the same time she was? - Yes, but we both know

  • you fired Stacey before me and Ilo.

  • You can tell the Janes that they can be friends with her.

  • - It's not just about the Janes. - I have my reasons.

  • Yeah, I know you do, but at some point,

  • you're gonna have to trust someone other than yourself.

  • I'm just-- I'm just saying that you can trust me

  • if you ever want to talk about stuff or...

  • I do trust you.

  • I do. But for now, let me figure out a way to get you

  • - back on that field, okay? - Okay.

  • - We're outside the school. - Sorry, you're right.

  • I wanted to ask you something.

  • Now that this is happening,

  • I need to know your story with Farrah.

  • What story?

  • You were really never a thing?

  • 'Cause she's my friend,

  • and I don't want to mess with that.

  • A little late for that.

  • Kind of asking post facto.

  • Look, I prefer her as my friend

  • because I've seen her as an enemy.

  • I get it.

  • Look, Farrah and I have been friends since second grade.

  • Nothing's happened between us. Trust me.

  • She has her own thing going on.

  • [keys jingling]

  • What?

  • Used practice jerseys.

  • We got him dead to rights.

  • [sighs] The money passes through this office.

  • There's gotta be something in here.

  • This guy is a total bozo. Not even a password.

  • [scoffs]

  • Hey, I saw you talking to Hannah today.

  • How did that go?

  • I was buying ice cream. Coincidence, so was she.

  • I don't believe in coincidences, particularly for someone

  • who never eats in the cafeteria ever.

  • What? I'm glad you're putting yourself out there.

  • Did it feel good talking to her?

  • - Yes, it felt good. - [squeals softly]

  • Did I say this guy was a bozo? I mean an ignoramus.

  • Why, what'd you find?

  • Very sloppily hidden spreadsheet.

  • Looks like this column here is the money coming in.

  • Uh-huh, and...

  • - Most of these numbers match. - Mm-hmm.

  • Wow, shocking, football gets most of the money,

  • even the money the girls team raise.

  • And boys basketball gets a ton, too.

  • Weird how those are the sports that Fischer played.

  • Looks like someone's throwing cash at the chance

  • to relive his former glory.

  • - Well, we got the weasel. - [door opens]

  • What are you two doing here?

  • Uh-- the door was open, and we were just--

  • Just looking for a fun place to do your thing?

  • Our thing?

  • I've caught kids doing it under the bleachers.

  • I've caught kids doing it on the roof.

  • I even caught two in the teachers lounge.

  • Hey, Al, do you mind if we maybe keep this between us?

  • I mean, my girl here,

  • she just wants to make a memory, you know?

  • I got ya. I used to be young once, too.

  • Just remember who has to clean up after you two.

  • You got it, dude.

  • - [door closes] - Sorry.

  • I'm nervous about posting this one.

  • Last week you posted a blind item

  • about someone upper-decking the gym bathroom.

  • I know, okay, but we're not just taking Fischer down.

  • We are cutting the knees out of America's baby

  • right in the middle of its season.

  • We're not fighting football.

  • We're fighting for a girl's right to play.

  • It's cut and dry.

  • The football team's gonna hate this

  • and so is anyone who shows up at the field for the game.

  • Brain damage won't stop football and neither will your post.

  • I know, but I also know this is the kind of story

  • that ruffles a lot of cock feathers.

  • You ruffle your own cock feathers all the time,

  • so that should be no problem.

  • - Hmm? - Hmm?

  • Okay.

  • - [computer chimes] - I'm not doing this with you.

  • Doing what?

  • Taking off one piece of clothing.

  • This is how a thousand horrible news stories start.

  • Good night, Will.

  • - Wait. - What?

  • Woogie told me about the new bathroom at school.

  • Oh, yeah?

  • Yeah, she also told me your dad moved out.

  • I wish I was there with you.

  • Thanks, but, um, I'm cool. Good night.

  • - Don't do this. - Do what?

  • Don't pull this "I don't need anybody else" stuff with me.

  • I was right next to you when you found out.

  • I know how devastating it was.

  • It was months ago.

  • Look, I appreciate you caring, but really, I'm fine.

  • - Appreciate? - Good night, Will.

  • Call me if you need me, all right?

  • Okay.

  • - [door opens] - Hey.

  • [door bangs shut]

  • What are you doing out here so late?

  • Just watching videos.

  • - Really? - Yeah.

  • [laughs]

  • I just forwarded you an article about Conan O'Brien,

  • how he took acting classes to try to get over his shyness.

  • Thanks, I'll read it.

  • Oh, my God, you do you know who Conan O'Brien is?

  • - Yes. - You do?

  • - Yes. - Okay. Am I annoying you?

  • Because if I'm annoying you, tell me.

  • You're not annoying, just...

  • Honey, why don't you have Farrah take you to some parties?

  • I mean, you two are good friends, right?

  • Yeah, but we're not-- we're not go-out friends.

  • [laughs] What does that mean? I mean, you go out, right?

  • - Sometimes? - Sometimes a little, I guess.

  • I'm never, ever gonna understand this, am I?

  • - Probably not, no. - Okay.

  • - [whispers] Goodnight. - Goodnight.

  • Don't stay up too late.

  • Okay.

  • [door opens, closes]

  • - All right, sing it, babe. - No.

  • - Come on. - No.

  • - Sing it. - Ugh! I don't want to.

  • - Oh, my God. - What is it?

  • Is that your dad?

  • - Stop taping them!

  • - I think that's the superintendent with him.

  • - It is.

  • My dad's making out with Stacey Moorehead's mom.

  • - Can we get out of here? - Yeah.

  • [taps key]

  • - Sing it, babe. - No.

  • - Come on. - No.

  • - Sing it. - Ugh! I don't want to.

  • Oh, my God.

  • - [typing] - What is it?

  • Is that your dad?

  • I think that's the superinten--

  • [sighs]

  • [drumline music playing]

  • [crowd chanting in distance]

  • Ready for the fallout?

  • Because I'm smelling a gender war.

  • Bring it on.

  • [girls chanting] Gut the Fisch!

  • Gut the Fisch! Gut the Fisch!

  • Gut the Fisch! Gut the Fisch!

  • Gut the Fisch! Gut the Fisch!

  • Gut the Fisch! Gut the Fisch!

  • Gut the Fisch! Gut the Fisch!

  • Gut the Fisch! Gut the Fisch!

  • [men chanting in distance]

  • Gut the Fisch! Gut the Fisch!

  • Gut the Fisch! Gut the Fisch!

  • Gut the Fisch! Gut the Fisch!

  • Gut the Fisch! Gut the Fisch!

  • Gut the Fisch! Gut the Fisch!

  • Gut the Fisch! Gut the Fisch!

  • Gut the Fisch! Gut the Fisch!

  • Gut the Fisch! Gut the Fisch!

  • [Farrah] Sometimes the people in charge let their own interests

  • dictate what's right and wrong.

  • I'm not saying any of us are totally above it.

  • I'm just pointing out that it happens on every level,

  • whether it's an ex-jock wanting to relive his past

  • or just a kid illegally selling alcohol.

  • - I want a cut. - What?

  • You've been making a ton of money off of my good nature,

  • and we have seven more home games.

  • - I want in. - Screw off.

  • All the girls teams will take the field this season.

  • Sometimes it just works out that you not only fight

  • for the right reason but for the right person.

  • Would you like a flavored water with your homemade crispy?

  • I can have my volunteer here grab you one.

  • How much is that?

  • You know what, I'm not gonna let you put that in your body.

  • It's way too artificial.

  • I'll get you a regular water instead.

  • - Was that what I think it was? - Told you she wouldn't be easy.

  • What are you gonna do about it?

  • I guess give her a cut.

  • [music plays]

  • Music featured in this episode of Youth & Consequences.

  • Take me to a time when we were younger

  • [♪]

  • [♪]

  • Said I'm too sensitive

  • She doesn't know that I'm just a big kid

  • Girl glass, girl glass, girl glass

  • Girl glass, girl glass, girl glass

Let's not pretend this isn't weird.

Subtitles and vocabulary

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