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-David, can I ask you something?
-Sure, Dad.
-You are, uh, 38 years old.
When are you going to get married?
-I'm trying to meet someone, Dad.
It's just not that easy.
-But do yourself a favor.
There's a little the place down on Bleecker Street called
the Folkstop.
Now, everyone performs there, Bob Dylan,
Joan Baez, Joni Mitchell--
-I think that might have been more during your era, Dad.
-That doesn't matter.
The women who hang out there are loose.
Trust me.
Go tonight.
You'll be riding that skin bus to tunic town in no time.
-Hmm.
[SINGING]
-Hey.
Finally, a customer.
Can I get you something?
-No, I'm fine.
-Want some company, then?
-Yeah.
That would be great.
-God, isn't he amazing?
-He's the best.
I'm obsessed with him.
-Which is your favorite song of his?
-Who can pick?
-You're funny.
My name's Rebecca, by the way.
-I'm David.
-Tell me something about yourself, David.
Something you haven't told anybody else before.
-OK.
Well when I was a kid, I had this dog, named Rufus.
And one day, I like whipped out my dick
and I fucked Rufus.
-That's so cute.
-It's so weird.
I--
I've never opened up to anyone like that.
There's just something about you.
-I feel the same way.
There's something in your eyes.
-That's crazy.
-Yeah.
David, I have to go down to the basement and get some
cases of beer.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
-No, I'm saying, Maybe you'd like to give me a hand?
[LAUGHTER]
-Hey, it's dark in here.
Where are the lights?
-Who cares.
Here, sit in this chair.
-Ah, yeah.
Like chair sex or something, huh?
-Yeah.
[BANGING ON DOOR]
POLICEMAN (OFFSCREEN): Police!
Open up!
-There he is, boys.
Take him away.
-What?
-Finally.
After all these years, we've caught up with the elusive
drug baron, Cornelius Johnson.
Good work, Officer Klein.
-He'd been using this abandoned fold music club as a
front for his dealing empire.
-What?
-Now, now there's plenty of time for that later.
Let's go get the handcuffs.
You two, stay here.
-I'm so confused right now.
-Oh, David, I'm sorry.
It's nothing personal.
It's just the police were getting too close to our
operation, so we had to come up with a patsy.
-Wait.
So you're not a police officer?
-Hardly.
-The folk music singer guy?
What--
Cornelius Johnson, at your service.
Nice job, baby.
-All right, take him away.
-Wait a minute.
Wait!
No!
This is a mistake!
I'm not Cornelius, he is!
-[SPEAKING SPANISH]
-The Spanish speaking janitor is a drug Baron.
Yeah.
Good one.
What is it like, [SPANISH]
cocaine?
Give me a break.
What kind of joke is that?
Honestly, what are we, idiots?
-I'm imprisoned here.
These are like prison bars to me.
-So how in the hell did you get out of jail?
-Long story.
-What are you going to do now?
-I have a plan.
-Who are you?
-I'm the head of the national drug syndicate.
I'm Cornelius' boss.
My name is Grain Elevator.
-What are you doing here?
-The feds are getting too close.
We need to throw them a bone.
Get them off our scent.
I want to throw Cornelius to the wolves.
Can you help me?
-Oh, yeah.
I've got enough evidence here to lock him away for life.
-Say, what's going on here?
-David.
-The jig is up.
-Good work, David.
-Take 'em away, boys.
-Wait!
Stop!
Special Agent Denton, FBI.
We've been tracking Cornelius for years.
Take him away.
-Not, so fast.
I work with the CIA.
-NSA.
-KGB.
-DMV.
-IRS.
-PBS.
-RCA.
-2 Live Crew.
-Billy goat's gruff.
-Goo, goo, G'joob.
-Chilean sea bass.
-Soupy Sales.
-What?
-(SINGING) I'm off to the river.
The river of despair.
I'm off to the river.
The river of despair.
I'm off to the river.
The river of despair.
-Hey, guys.
What are you up to this weekend?
-Well I was thinking of hitting a few sample sales.
Who's in?
-I don't know, Miles.
I have to clean my apartment.
My place is so cluttered, I can't even remember what color
my carpet is.