-[guns cocking] -You made a big mistake coming alone.

[laughing] She's not exactly alone.

She brought a plus one! [laughing]

It's me, Joker!

Apologies, but your friend, Rupert,

just couldn't face coming out here.

[vomits]

[laughing] I'm so sad. Where's my body?

Puddin'? What the fuck are ya doing?

You're not supposed to take his face off yet. I had this covered.

[stammering] Yes, but I thought up that great "plus one" line.

And then I'm not going to not puppeteer his face.

-[babbling] -[bankers gagging]

All right, fine. Do your thing.

So, listen up motherfuckers!

Ya better jump in the harbor right now,

-or I'm gonna kill-- -[Joker laughing]

[all screaming]

God, really? You just did it again.

[laughing] That's because I forgot I had the acid bomb.

But we agreed I'm the muscle! I do the hitting!

[guns firing]

You know, you're great, you're great.

You do your thing, I do my thing.

[man screaming]

You're the appetizer. I'm the entree.

[man screaming]

I can't spend my whole life just bashin' goons.

When Gothamites hear the name "Harley Quinn,"

I want 'em to piss 'emselves!

I want a taste of that.

You want a taste of... piss?

No, you know what I meant. God, listen, puddin',

can't you just see me in the Legion of Doom?

That is just... [laughs] You don't want that.

Besides, no,

the Legion of Doom doesn't give memberships to sidekicks.

-You have to be-- -Partners.

[under breath] Oh, fuck me.

I wanna be your partner in crime. For reals.

-Can we talk about this later? -If not now, when?

I don't know, tomorrow? I've kinda got my hands full right now.

[air whooshing]

Joke's on you, Joker.

Jesus, this guy.

You'll never take us alive, Bats!

Love that fighting spirit, Harley.

But in this fight, I'm afraid I have to

take a dive.

Uh, dontcha mean "we"?

You know I'd love to take you, puddin',

but I'd never deny you the pleasure of buying me time to escape.

[grunting]

Hey, but what if I get sent to Arkham?

Then you won't spend even a single night!

I'll break you out, my love. I swear.

Or actually, uh, I have something tonight,

but I'll definitely get you out before breakfast.

Love ya!

["La Cucaracha" horn playing]

[grunts] Ow.

Oh, ain't he cute when he's escapin'?

-No. -[gasps]

[Gordon] You're a cancer, Quinn.

Spreading from Gotham's lymph nodes into its spleen.

And God help us if you get to Gotham's bladder!

But I'm the chemo.

How long's he gonna keep doin' this?

You're a festering boil, Quinn. A bedsore.

A tapeworm that sets up shop in Gotham's lower--

-Jim. -All right.

Where's the Joker?

I'll never give up my puddin'!

Why are you protecting a psychotic clown who treats you like garbage?

Asks the guy who fucks bats.

He doesn't do that!

-Jim. -Sorry.

I'm not tellin' ya shit!

What me and Mistah J have is real love.

In fact, not too long ago, we were on a rooftop just like this.

That's when Mistah J proposed.

Till death do us part.

Ooh! Told ya!

After we get married, we'll take a cruise to Barbados,

or maybe a resort that's all-inclusive.

They say they're all-inclusive, but that's bullshit!

They charge you for the towels! Soap!

-Jim. -Top shelf liquor!

-Jim! -Right, right.

Give up the Joker, Quinn,

or you're going to Arkham for life.

[laughing sarcastically]

[Gordon laughing along]

[laughing hysterically] Why are we laughing?

'Cause you said "for life"!

-And, as sure as I am that he fucks bats... -Okay.

...I know my man'll break me out of Arkham before I spend a single night.

[gate clanking and shutting]

[all speaking indistinctly]

Oh! Mistah J?

-Hmm? -Oh, sorry, my bad.

I mean, ya looked a little like him.

I don't know why you bother comin' here.

He's never showing up.

-[choking] -[thuds]

-Fuck off! -[Poison Ivy] Yeah, fuck off!

But for the record, he does have a point.

Just give me 15 more minutes. Joker's probably still fightin' Batman.

I don't know, hon.

It's, you know, most superhero fights, they're not like, eh...

Calendar Man, how long has she been in here?

Oh, hey, Ivy! 183 days!

Oh, sure. You remember the incarceration date of Porn Clown over here