Name: Six tips on how to get on with your ex (when you have to) | BBC Ideas
Uploaded: 2020-10-15T19:30:59.000Z
Duration: 4 min 41 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Past simple

So recently I had a client of mine ringing me up

and she was in a really tricky situation.

Her and her boyfriend of three years have basically just broken up.

and they've got five months left on the contract.

So not only are they going to have to share the flat

for another five months, but because it's a one bed flat,

they're going to have to share the same bed.

Can you even imagine how difficult that must be?

I remember helping one couple in particular whose communication

had become so toxic, that they could no longer hear and understand

Let's face it, breaking up is never easy.

But when you're in a situation that forces you to get on with an ex,

it can be a really difficult divide to cross.

People fall madly in love and in my experience,

You might find yourself in a tricky situation

if you live in the same halls as your ex at university

or you go to a party or a wedding of a mutual friend

Often the people I help share children and assets.

And although you may not like them at the moment,

your ex is likely to be your best possible resource

and create the life that you want for yourself.

A messy breakup means that you need to find creative ways

but really try to give one another proper space after the breakup.

Ideally commit to going around six months to one year of no contact,

just so that you give yourselves the chance to get each other

Accountants, tax advisors, benefit officers -

If you have an area that you're afraid of,

if you're afraid of finances... get help.

Don't ignore it or stick your head in the sand and hope it will go away,

When you do see your ex in a social situation,

go out of your way to take the high road, however difficult that may be.

So I was in a situation like this myself a few years ago.

I had been asked to do a speech at a festival

about a book that I'd written, now this book was mainly

about a really painful breakup that I'd had with an ex.

And my new boyfriend of a year had come to watch me do this talk.

in walks my ex, from the book, with his new girlfriend.

And look, this could have been such an awkward situation

for my new boyfriend, but as soon as the workshop was over,

he went right up to my ex, introduced himself

and they ended up really, really getting on.

So much so, that he has very recently asked my ex

Get in touch with the new you and who you want to be.

Think about where you might want to be in a year's time.

Be curious about those options, think about your wider context.

Get back in touch with your passions, your friends

and the person that you may have compromised in the relationship.

Focus on the future and the person you want to be,

rather than the painful events that may have taken place.

Whatever you do, do not put your mutual friends

in an awkward position by making them choose between you and your ex

or talking really negatively about your ex behind their back.

Trust me, this does not put you in a good light.

Mentalise and empathise with your ex-partner's needs

It takes a great deal of emotional effort

and you did see their positive attributes.

They still have them, you just can't see them right now.

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