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  • Hi, everyone. I'm Jade. What we're talking about today is saying the right thing

  • when you've got a friend who's feeling down, your friend's got a problem.

  • We're specifically talking about a friend who has lost a job, but you could use the same advice

  • for a friend with a different problem; a friend with a breakup or some other emotional thing that's happened in their life.

  • So the formal word for this is: "consoling", "to console" someone,

  • but the more relaxed way could be:

  • how to make somebody feel better about themselves or their problem.

  • So what should you do in this situation? Well, a lot of the time, when people have a problem,

  • they just want to talk to someone. Maybe they're not seeking advice. So what can you do?

  • You can ask questions. So remember we're talking about somebody who's recently lost a job or is losing a job,

  • we can ask them questions. We can say: "What are you going to do now?"

  • Maybe your tone of voice wouldn't be really positive like that. It would be more like:

  • "Oh, what are you going to do now?" It would be more soft.

  • You could say... This is... This is an indirect question. "Have you thought about..?",

  • "Have you thought about training again?" This is a way of... This is a suggestion.

  • Or you could say: "Are you looking for another job?" So this way, your friend can just start talking

  • and maybe that will help them in their difficult situation.

  • Because, as a friend, you need to "be supportive", helping your friend out when they need help.

  • You could "be a shoulder to cry on", that's an idiom for somebody who just...

  • Who just needs someone to share their feelings with. If you're a shoulder to cry on

  • when your friend needs you, that means that you're a good friend. And here's another expression:

  • "A friend in need is a friend indeed." And it kind of has the opposite meaning to what you'd expect.

  • My feeling is this means that you should be the kind of... Real friends are there for you

  • when you really need them. If you're there for people when they need you,

  • that means that you're a friend indeed. So if you are a friend... If you are a friend indeed,

  • then you would ask your friend some questions to help them in their difficult situation.

  • When your friend has a difficult situation, watch out that you don't give advice that they're not asking for

  • because a lot of the time, people don't really want to hear your advice -

  • that's the truth maybe. If you ask someone for advice, it's different.

  • I've had a couple of times in my life where someone giving advice is that probably

  • had the opposite effect from what they intended; the advice is not felt right or something I haven't liked

  • about the advice, and then it can be... Then it can be a problem.

  • So if you say to your friend who's just lost their job: "You should get down the job centre."

  • The job centre is where you go if you haven't got... If you haven't got a job in England and you need

  • some money and support from the government. If you said to your friend: "You should get down the job centre",

  • they might not... They might not be... They might not want your advice right now.

  • Another way you would give your friend advice is if you said: "If I were you",

  • "If I were you, I'd go to my boss and say: 'Look, you're not going to fire me. All right?

  • I dare you to fire me.'" Well, your friend might be like that, but this might not be something you want to do.

  • Giving direct advice.

  • What should you do if giving direct advice could be a little bit difficult, a little bit tricky?

  • You could try making these indirect suggestions, a bit like this one.

  • "Have you considered... Hmm, I'm sorry to hear that you lost your job. You must be feeling awful.

  • Have you considered calling your colleagues that you used to work with to tell them that

  • you're looking for a job now?" Or: "Have you thought about... Too bad you lost your job.

  • Have you thought about becoming a movie star?" You could indirectly advise your friend to do that.

  • The main... The main reason it would be better to make your suggestion like this is that

  • this avoids giving condescending, or patronising, or unsympathetic advice to someone.

  • These are long words, but they're not that... They're not that complicated.

  • "Condescending", is like imagine you're in this situation: you've just lost your job and somebody says to you:

  • "Why don't you start looking for jobs on the internet?" That would be a little bit condescending.

  • Right? Because you know... You know how to look for a job. What if they said to you:

  • "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll eventually get something. I mean you don't have many qualifications,

  • but you'll probably get something eventually"? That might be patronising;

  • your friend is seeing themselves as: "It didn't take me long to get a job, but, you know, after a few months,

  • you'll probably get something. You can work your way up." That would be patronising.

  • And "unsympathetic" would be like: "Oh, you lost your job. Oh, yeah. So, do you want to go out now?"

  • Unsympathetic is somebody not listening to you.

  • So what else can you do? If you're in this situation, you can share your experience with your friend.

  • Share your feelings and the kind of things that you've been through in your life.

  • So here's some sentences: "When I was made redundant it was a big shock."

  • What does it mean to "be made redundant"? This is when your company decides that some people

  • are going to get fired, some people will lose their job,

  • but it's not always because you didn't perform well at your job; it's just the company decision: 10 people have to go,

  • you're someone who's going and they pay you, generally, when you're made redundant.

  • So when you share your experience with someone, that makes them see that

  • maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel. There's another idiom that maybe things will be better.

  • They don't seem good now, but maybe things will be better after.

  • Here's another example: "When Sally lost her job she took the opportunity to retrain."

  • If someone's feeling bad, they might just be focusing on the negatives like:

  • "Oh, I'm never going to work again. It's awful. I love that job."

  • But then they just might be talking too negatively, so you can make... You can make a suggestion.

  • You can share an experience that shows that from change can come something good.

  • And here's another example: "At first I was anxious"-talking about when I lost my job-

  • "but I soon saw that it was a blessing in disguise."

  • And that's the idiom or expression for when something seems bad, but in the end, it was the best thing that could possibly happen.

  • When we come back, we will just look at a couple other phrases we can use for this situation.

  • Let's take a look at what to say to your friend who is down in the dumps, feeling a bit sad because they lost their job.

  • What else can we say? So you could offer your support or help.

  • So here's some phrases you could say: "Let me know if there's anything I can do."

  • That's a very sweet offer for your friend who needs some help right now.

  • Or you could say simply: "I'm here for you if you need anything."

  • What about reassuring your friend? "Reassurance" means saying like a positive message to them

  • so that maybe they feel more hopeful about the future.

  • "Don't worry, everything will be ok." What do you think about that one? Yeah, I think like in general,

  • eventually everything will be okay. But some people might not really like your reassurance

  • because it might... Everything might seem really, really, really bleak

  • and it might also sometimes feel like you don't want to talk about their problem if you just say: "Everything will be okay."

  • So perhaps... Perhaps a better one to say is: "Something will come up.",

  • "Something will come up" just means that, you know, a new opportunity; you won't have to wait too long,

  • something else will come up for you. The phrasal verb, "come up" means to happen or arise, more formally.

  • So you can turn that sad face into a happy face. But we can't say:

  • "Up in the dumps." It doesn't work.

  • So, yeah, so sometimes if you... If you've been talking to a friend for a while

  • and they're just going on a bit now and, you know, they're all sad and crying or something -

  • what can you do then? Well, you might consider making a joke of the situation.

  • I don't know if you do that in your culture. But in British culture, sometimes in this situation,

  • someone would make a joke. And maybe at first that joke sounds quite mean,

  • but it does something to just change the focus of the situation so... We've all been upset, someone makes a joke

  • and it's like: "All right, it's time to stop crying now."

  • So I thought of some things people might say. They might say something like this, this is an expression or idiom.

  • So your friend's just, you know, letting it all out, is upset and you could maybe knock them on the arm and say:

  • "Cheer up worse things have happened!"

  • in a sort of positive, but jokey voice at the same time. Or you could say,

  • you could have a pause and say: "Yeah. Hey... Guess what? Did I tell you? I just got a promotion!"

  • Joke. That one's a bit mean, so I maybe wouldn't advise that one.

  • That was a joke of what joke probably not what... Probably you shouldn't do. So let's call that one a bad joke.

  • What if you already knew that your friend had lost your job and stuff before you met up with them?

  • So you're anticipating maybe some kind of emotional situation.

  • When you see your friend, you could say: "Hey. Why the long face?"

  • That's another joke because you know that your friend is upset because they lost their job.

  • When somebody's got a long face, it means they're sad, a bit like down in the dumps.

  • So, yeah, you've got some phrases now and hopefully that can help you in the future in that kind of social situation

  • where someone needs some help or just some kind words from you.

  • So if you want to look at this a little bit more, go to the website and have a look at the phrases on the website.

  • We... Yeah, if you do like this lesson or my other lessons,

  • I'd really appreciate it if you'd subscribe to my channel and also my personal channel

  • because I've got two YouTube channels, so you can watch me on engVid, you can watch me on my personal channel as well.

  • And, yes, I'm finished now so I'm going to go. All right?

  • Okay, see you. See you. Bye.

Hi, everyone. I'm Jade. What we're talking about today is saying the right thing

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