Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles - Hey! - 'Hey, buddy!' Huh? Huh? Oh...that's attractive. Oh, I thought you were great in "Silence of the Lambs." Oh, come on, admit it! All things considered, you had fun tonight. Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part? Where's my puck? Oh, ah, the kid has it. The kid.. [clears throat] Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my puck. I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers. You gotta do it, man. Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever.. Can't do it. Listen, uh, gimme back my puck. No. - Yes, how about-- - No. - Come here. Gimme! - No. No. (Sizemore) 'Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my ER!' Give me my puck! Oh! Now that was fun. Mom, dad. Ross smoked pot in college. - What? - What? You are such a tattletale! Mom, dad. [chuckles] You remember that-that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana? - Yes. - Yes. Well, I told you it was Chandler who was smoking...the pot, but.. ...it was me. I'm sorry. - It was you? - And dad. You know that mailman that you got fired? He didn't steal your "Playboys." Ross did. Yeah, well, Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing. Monica did! Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year! Monica and Chandler are living together! Hi there. How many, uh, how many did you sell? I'm not gonna tell you. You're the bad man who broke Sarah's leg. Hey, now, that was an accident, okay? You're a big scrud. What's a scrud? Why don't you look in the mirror, scrud? I don't have to. I can just look at you. (female #2) 'Alright, girls..' ...and man. Let's see your final tallies. Oh-h...Debbie. 321 boxes of cookies. - Very nice. - Not nice enough. Charla...278. Sorry, dear but still good. Good for a scrud. Ooh, yes, Elizabeth. Oh! 871. That's crap! Sister brown bird.. ...good going. Who's next? [clears throat] - Hi, there. - Hi. And batting for Sarah.. ...Ross Geller. "872." Although it looks like you bought an awful lot of cookies yourself. That is because my doctor says that I have a very serious.. ...nougat.. ...deficiency. Hey. Hey, "Yertle the Turtle." A classic. Actually, I-I'm reading it to the baby. The, uh, the baby that hasn't been born yet? Uh, wouldn't that mean you're...crazy? What, you don't think they can hear sounds in there? You're not serious I mean, you.. You really, you really talk to it? Yeah. All the time. I want the baby to know my voice. Do you, uh, do you talk about me? Yeah, yeah. All the time. Really? But, um we just refer to you as Bobo, the sperm guy. Oh, I missed you. I missed you too. Oh, I was so nervous about that letter. But the way you owned up to everything it just...showed me how much you've grown, you know? I suppose. No, you have, Ross, you have. You should give yourself credit. I mean, my mom never thought this would work out. [chuckling] She was all "Once a cheater, always a cheater." - Mm-hmm. - Oh. I just wish we hadn't lost those four months. But if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective.. (Ross) 'We were on a break!' - Coffee house? - You bet. And for the record, it took two people to break up this relationship! Yeah, you and that girl from the copy place which, yesterday, you took full responsibility for! I didn't know what I was taking responsibility for, okay? I didn't finish the whole letter. - What? - I fell asleep. You fell asleep? It was 5:30 in the morning and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back! Oh, oh, oh, and by the way Y-O-U apostrophe R-E means you are. Y-O-U-R means your. You know, I can't believe I even thought of getting back together with you. We are so over. Oh...oh...oh.. Fine by me! Oh, oh, and, hey, hey, hey, those little spelling tips will come in handy when you're at home on Saturday nights playing Scrabble with Monica! - Hey. - Sorry! I just feel bad about all that sleep you're going to miss wishing you were with me. Oh, no, no, no, don't you worry about me falling asleep. I still have your letter! I was just leaving. Good. 'Cause I've got a product report to read. It's like, eight pages, I hope I don't fall asleep. Why, did you write it? Whoa! Look at that. Chip Matthews called. I wonder what he wants. Well, uh, actually-- I bet he sensed that I was ready to have sex...with another guy. Well, um.. ...why don't you give him a call? Okay. Are you sure you want to hear this? Oh, I'm sure. Chip! Hi, it's Rachel. Rachel Greene. Yeah, um, you left me a message? Yes, you did. My roommate wrote it down. Monica Geller. Oh. Oh, that's right! He called to ask out Monica. Oh, that's, that's got to be embarrassing. So I nodded off a little. Nodded off? Ross, you were snoring. My father's boat didn't make that much noise when it hit rocks! Come on. 45 minutes. 45 minutes the man talked about strappy-backed dresses. Well, okay, how about four hours in a freezing museum auditorium listening to Professor Pitstains and his, "Hey, everybody "remember that thing that's been dead for a gazillion years? Well, here's a little bone we didn't know it had." First of all, it's Professor Pitain. And second of all, that little bone proved that that particular dinosaur had wings, but didn't fly. Okay, see, now, what I just heard blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah blah-blah, blah-blah. Huh. You know what? A hundred million people went to see a movie about what I do, I wonder how many people would go see a movie called Jurassic Parka. Oh, that is so.. No, no, no, a bunch of out-of-control jackets take over an island! [gasp] Okay, come on. Alright, I gotta go. So good luck at the party, okay? Oh, wait, Ross, could you stay and help me get dressed? Sure. Okay. Okay, great, um, okay, just.. ...turn around. What? I don't want you to see me naked. Rachel, I've seen you naked a million times. I ate hot fudge off you naked. Huh, I-I sucked that mini-marshmallow out of your belly button? Yeah, but that was different, you know? I mean, we were, we were going out then. Now I think it's weird. Rach, you know, I can see you naked anytime I want. What? [chuckles] All I have to do is close my eyes. See? Woohoo! - Ross, stop that. - 'Uh, I'm so..' - I don't want.. Come on. - 'I'm so.. What?' I don't want you thinking of me like that anymore. Uh, sorry. Nothing you can do about it. It's one of my, uh, rights as the ex-boyfriend, huh? - Oh, oh, yeah. - Stop it. - Cut it out, cut it out! - Okay, okay, I'm sorry. It will never happen.. Uh-oh, wait a minute. Wait, wait, now there are 100 of you, and I'm the king. Oh! Oh, I can do it. Yeah. You two are really gonna enjoy that couch. Oh, yeah, we're, uh.. ...yeah, we're not together. Oh. Okay. [laughing] Somethin' didn't quite add up there. Ross! What's that supposed to mean? - Ross! - Well.. ...you...her.. I mean, she's very.. ...you know.. ...and you're like.. ...you know. Not that it's any of your business, but we did go out. Really? You two? - Yeah. Rach? - Come on. I really don't wanna be doing this right now. I'm carrying a very heavy couch. Then tell him quickly. Fine. We went out. Not only did we go out.. ...we did it...298 times. Ross! Oh, my.. Oh! You kept count? You are such a loser. A loser you did it with 298 times. How could you tell her? I had to, okay? We're getting married. Married couples can't keep secrets from one another. Oh, really, well, I-I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City. Du-ude! What happened in Atlantic City? Well, Chandler and I were in a bar. Did you not hear me say, du-ude? And this girl is making eyes at Chandler. Okay? So, after a while, he-he goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking Chandler's not type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right, Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. You kissed a guy? Oh! 'Oh, my God!'