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  • - Hey! - 'Hey, buddy!'

  • Huh? Huh?

  • Oh...that's attractive.

  • Oh, I thought you were great in "Silence of the Lambs."

  • Oh, come on, admit it!

  • All things considered, you had fun tonight.

  • Fun? Where was the fun?

  • Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part?

  • Where's my puck?

  • Oh, ah, the kid has it.

  • The kid..

  • [clears throat] Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my puck.

  • I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers.

  • You gotta do it, man.

  • Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever..

  • Can't do it.

  • Listen, uh, gimme back my puck.

  • No.

  • - Yes, how about-- - No.

  • - Come here. Gimme! - No. No.

  • (Sizemore) 'Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my ER!'

  • Give me my puck!

  • Oh!

  • Now that was fun.

  • Mom, dad.

  • Ross smoked pot in college.

  • - What? - What?

  • You are such a tattletale!

  • Mom, dad.

  • [chuckles] You remember that-that time

  • you walked in my room and smelled marijuana?

  • - Yes. - Yes.

  • Well, I told you it was Chandler

  • who was smoking...the pot, but..

  • ...it was me. I'm sorry.

  • - It was you? - And dad.

  • You know that mailman that you got fired?

  • He didn't steal your "Playboys."

  • Ross did.

  • Yeah, well, Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing.

  • Monica did!

  • Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year!

  • Monica and Chandler are living together!

  • Hi there.

  • How many, uh, how many did you sell?

  • I'm not gonna tell you.

  • You're the bad man who broke Sarah's leg.

  • Hey, now, that was an accident, okay?

  • You're a big scrud.

  • What's a scrud?

  • Why don't you look in the mirror, scrud?

  • I don't have to. I can just look at you.

  • (female #2) 'Alright, girls..'

  • ...and man.

  • Let's see your final tallies.

  • Oh-h...Debbie.

  • 321 boxes of cookies.

  • - Very nice. - Not nice enough.

  • Charla...278.

  • Sorry, dear but still good.

  • Good for a scrud.

  • Ooh, yes, Elizabeth.

  • Oh! 871.

  • That's crap!

  • Sister brown bird..

  • ...good going.

  • Who's next?

  • [clears throat]

  • - Hi, there. - Hi.

  • And batting for Sarah..

  • ...Ross Geller.

  • "872."

  • Although it looks like you bought

  • an awful lot of cookies yourself.

  • That is because my doctor says

  • that I have a very serious..

  • ...nougat..

  • ...deficiency.

  • Hey.

  • Hey, "Yertle the Turtle."

  • A classic.

  • Actually, I-I'm reading it to the baby.

  • The, uh, the baby that hasn't been born yet?

  • Uh, wouldn't that mean you're...crazy?

  • What, you don't think they can hear sounds in there?

  • You're not serious

  • I mean, you..

  • You really, you really talk to it?

  • Yeah. All the time.

  • I want the baby to know my voice.

  • Do you, uh, do you talk about me?

  • Yeah, yeah. All the time.

  • Really?

  • But, um

  • we just refer to you as Bobo, the sperm guy.

  • Oh, I missed you.

  • I missed you too.

  • Oh, I was so nervous about that letter.

  • But the way you owned up to everything

  • it just...showed me

  • how much you've grown, you know?

  • I suppose.

  • No, you have, Ross, you have.

  • You should give yourself credit.

  • I mean, my mom never thought this would work out.

  • [chuckling] She was all

  • "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

  • - Mm-hmm. - Oh.

  • I just wish we hadn't lost those four months.

  • But if time was what you needed

  • just to gain a little perspective..

  • (Ross) 'We were on a break!'

  • - Coffee house? - You bet.

  • And for the record, it took two people

  • to break up this relationship!

  • Yeah, you and that girl from the copy place

  • which, yesterday, you took full responsibility for!

  • I didn't know what I was taking responsibility for, okay?

  • I didn't finish the whole letter.

  • - What? - I fell asleep.

  • You fell asleep?

  • It was 5:30 in the morning

  • and you had rambled on for 18 pages.

  • Front and back!

  • Oh, oh, oh, and by the way

  • Y-O-U apostrophe R-E

  • means you are.

  • Y-O-U-R means your.

  • You know, I can't believe I even thought

  • of getting back together with you.

  • We are so over.

  • Oh...oh...oh..

  • Fine by me!

  • Oh, oh, and, hey, hey, hey, those little spelling tips

  • will come in handy when you're at home on Saturday nights

  • playing Scrabble with Monica!

  • - Hey. - Sorry!

  • I just feel bad about all that sleep you're going to miss

  • wishing you were with me.

  • Oh, no, no, no, don't you worry about me falling asleep.

  • I still have your letter!

  • I was just leaving.

  • Good.

  • 'Cause I've got a product report to read.

  • It's like, eight pages, I hope I don't fall asleep.

  • Why, did you write it?

  • Whoa!

  • Look at that.

  • Chip Matthews called.

  • I wonder what he wants.

  • Well, uh, actually--

  • I bet he sensed that I was ready

  • to have sex...with another guy.

  • Well, um..

  • ...why don't you give him a call?

  • Okay.

  • Are you sure you want to hear this?

  • Oh, I'm sure.

  • Chip! Hi, it's Rachel.

  • Rachel Greene.

  • Yeah, um, you left me a message?

  • Yes, you did. My roommate wrote it down.

  • Monica Geller.

  • Oh.

  • Oh, that's right!

  • He called to ask out Monica.

  • Oh, that's, that's got to be embarrassing.

  • So I nodded off a little.

  • Nodded off?

  • Ross, you were snoring.

  • My father's boat didn't make that much noise

  • when it hit rocks!

  • Come on. 45 minutes.

  • 45 minutes the man talked about strappy-backed dresses.

  • Well, okay, how about four hours

  • in a freezing museum auditorium

  • listening to Professor Pitstains

  • and his, "Hey, everybody

  • "remember that thing that's been dead for a gazillion years?

  • Well, here's a little bone we didn't know it had."

  • First of all, it's Professor Pitain.

  • And second of all, that little bone proved

  • that that particular dinosaur had wings, but didn't fly.

  • Okay, see, now, what I just heard

  • blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah

  • blah-blah, blah-blah.

  • Huh. You know what?

  • A hundred million people went to see a movie

  • about what I do, I wonder how many people

  • would go see a movie called Jurassic Parka.

  • Oh, that is so..

  • No, no, no, a bunch of out-of-control jackets

  • take over an island!

  • [gasp]

  • Okay, come on.

  • Alright, I gotta go.

  • So good luck at the party, okay?

  • Oh, wait, Ross, could you stay and help me get dressed?

  • Sure. Okay.

  • Okay, great, um, okay, just..

  • ...turn around.

  • What?

  • I don't want you to see me naked.

  • Rachel, I've seen you naked a million times.

  • I ate hot fudge off you naked.

  • Huh, I-I sucked that mini-marshmallow

  • out of your belly button?

  • Yeah, but that was different, you know?

  • I mean, we were, we were going out then.

  • Now I think it's weird.

  • Rach, you know, I can see you naked anytime I want.

  • What?

  • [chuckles] All I have to do is close my eyes.

  • See? Woohoo!

  • - Ross, stop that. - 'Uh, I'm so..'

  • - I don't want.. Come on. - 'I'm so.. What?'

  • I don't want you thinking of me like that anymore.

  • Uh, sorry. Nothing you can do about it.

  • It's one of my, uh, rights as the ex-boyfriend, huh?

  • - Oh, oh, yeah. - Stop it.

  • - Cut it out, cut it out! - Okay, okay, I'm sorry.

  • It will never happen.. Uh-oh, wait a minute.

  • Wait, wait, now there are 100 of you, and I'm the king.

  • Oh! Oh, I can do it.

  • Yeah.

  • You two are really gonna enjoy that couch.

  • Oh, yeah, we're, uh..

  • ...yeah, we're not together.

  • Oh. Okay.

  • [laughing] Somethin' didn't quite add up there.

  • Ross!

  • What's that supposed to mean?

  • - Ross! - Well..

  • ...you...her..

  • I mean, she's very..

  • ...you know..

  • ...and you're like..

  • ...you know.

  • Not that it's any of your business, but we did go out.

  • Really? You two?

  • - Yeah. Rach? - Come on.

  • I really don't wanna be doing this right now.

  • I'm carrying a very heavy couch.

  • Then tell him quickly.

  • Fine. We went out.

  • Not only did we go out..

  • ...we did it...298 times.

  • Ross!

  • Oh, my.. Oh! You kept count?

  • You are such a loser.

  • A loser you did it with 298 times.

  • How could you tell her?

  • I had to, okay? We're getting married.

  • Married couples can't keep secrets from one another.

  • Oh, really, well, I-I guess

  • Monica should know about Atlantic City.

  • Du-ude!

  • What happened in Atlantic City?

  • Well, Chandler and I were in a bar.

  • Did you not hear me say, du-ude?

  • And this girl is making eyes at Chandler. Okay?

  • So, after a while, he-he goes over to her

  • and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing.

  • Now, I know what you're thinking Chandler's not type of guy

  • who just goes to bars and makes out with girls.

  • And you're right, Chandler's not the type of guy

  • who just goes to bars and makes out with girls.

  • You kissed a guy? Oh!

  • 'Oh, my God!'