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  • - Happy Friday the 13th campers.

  • Dust off that machete because

  • we're slashing through eleven films

  • worth of horny teenager massacres

  • at Camp Crystal Lake starring everyone's

  • favorite unstoppable killing machine,

  • Jason Voorhees.

  • This is the story of Friday the 13th

  • in three minutes.

  • Ch ch ch, ah ah ah.

  • Let's begin.

  • In 1957 distracted camp counselors

  • allow a young boy to drown.

  • That following summer an unsolved

  • double murder shuts down

  • Camp Crystal Lake.

  • Twenty-one years later a crew of

  • short short rocking counselors

  • prepare to open the camp

  • despite an ominous warning from

  • local drunk crazy Ralph.

  • Turns out Ralph isn't so crazy,

  • as counselors rapidly go missing.

  • Ms Voorhees, driven mad by her

  • son's drowing, reveals herself as

  • the killer before final girl,

  • Alice, decapitates her.

  • Alice takes refuge in the canoe

  • where Jason pulls her into the lake.

  • Or does he...

  • Jason, who is someone not only alive,

  • but suddenly a grown-ass man,

  • shows up to finish what his mama started.

  • Five years later,

  • more stupid teenagers attempt to

  • establish a new camp right next to

  • the abandoned Camp Crystal Lake.

  • Good idea guys.

  • Their presence triggers Jason

  • sparking the first of many murderous rampages

  • Jenny, part two's final girl,

  • stumbles upon Jason's shrine and

  • stabs him with the machete

  • leaving him to die,

  • but Jason doesn't die.

  • He hides out in a barn killing

  • anyone who comes near,

  • eventually emerging with a fresh look.

  • Final girl number three, Chris

  • ends Jason's reign of terror with

  • an axe to the head before becoming

  • hysterical and being escorted away

  • by the police.

  • Jason is totally dead this time

  • except he obviously isn't.

  • Jason returns to Crystal Lake to up

  • the franchise body count on the

  • group of weekenders who thought

  • partying at the deadliest lake in

  • history would be fun.

  • Meanwhile next door,

  • Trish Jarvis and little brother Tommy

  • meet a camper who seeks revenge on

  • Jason for killing his sister in part two.

  • The camper dies along with everyone else

  • leaving Trish and Tommy alone against Jason.

  • Sweet, innocent Tommy bashes Jason's

  • skull in with a machete seemingly stopping

  • Jason once and for all.

  • Years after killing Jason,

  • Tommy is still haunted by his memory.

  • Tommy moves into a halfway house

  • under psychiatric supervision.

  • A killer using Jason's M.O. starts

  • picking off patients at the facility.

  • Tommy faces his fear and stops the killer

  • revealing that it was not Jason,

  • but a copycat all along.

  • Tommy dawns the hockey mask

  • and the kitchen knife,

  • but that never really goes anywhere.

  • After being released from

  • another mental institution,

  • Tommy visits Jason's grave to

  • destroy the body and prevent

  • any possible resurrection,

  • but his plan backfires,

  • and he inadvertently brings

  • Jason back to life.

  • Jason slaughters a few counselors

  • before Tommy chains him to a

  • boulder and drops him in the lake.

  • Rot with guilt over her father's

  • accidental drowning,

  • a young woman attempts to use

  • her telekinetic powers to

  • resurrect her Pops

  • but resurrects Jason instead.

  • Jason ruins a birthday party

  • before Tina gets her shit together

  • and summons her dead Dad's spirit

  • to return Jason to the

  • bottom of the lake.

  • A year later,

  • an underwater electrical cable

  • shocks Jason back to life.

  • He hitches a ride on a party cruise

  • to Manhattan butchering most of the

  • graduating class of 1989 along the way.

  • Jason arrives in the Big Apple,

  • but before he can even unpack,

  • he's trapped in a sewer where he's

  • disintegrated by a wave of toxic sludge.

  • A few years later,

  • Jason inexplicably rises from the grave.

  • Shocking, I know,

  • and returns to his roots killing

  • naked folks at Camp Crystal Lake.

  • A routine murder turns out to be

  • a sting by the FBI,

  • and they blow Jason to Hell.

  • Without a body,

  • Jason possesses unsuspecting bystanders

  • in search of his long lost relatives.

  • Manifested as this worm-demon, thing,

  • Jason slithers into his sister's body

  • and is reborn yet again

  • only to be stabbed-to-death by

  • his own niece with a mystical dagger.

  • Finally defeated,

  • a familiar foe drags Jason to Hell

  • summing up the ultimate clash

  • of slasher icons.

  • But first!

  • Flash forward to the year 2455,

  • Jason goes where only

  • leprechaun has gone before.

  • A group of students from Earth II

  • reanimate Jason from his cryogenic

  • state on their spaceship.

  • Jason goes full cyborg and

  • introduces the future to

  • old school horror.

  • Jason is blasted into space

  • burning up in Earth II's atmosphere.

  • Okay.

  • Back to the sequel people actually wanted,

  • infamous nightmare Freddy Krueger

  • revives Jason to stir up enough fear

  • so that the residents of Springwood

  • will remember him,

  • but Jason,

  • being an unstoppable killing machine,

  • can't stop killing,

  • which is problem for Freddy,

  • who also has a body count

  • to worry about.

  • A battle ensues and a whole bunch

  • of teenagers die.

  • The big guy seemingly comes out on top,

  • but nobody knows better than Jason

  • how hard it can be to kill an undead

  • super slasher once and for all.

  • And that's the story of Friday the 13th

  • in 3 minutes.

  • And no,

  • we didn't talk about the reboot

  • or the shorter sequel or whatever

  • that was supposed to be because

  • it never happened.

  • What horror icon would you like

  • us to animate next?

  • Let us know in the comments.

  • And don't forget to subscribe

  • or Jason will find you!

  • Or I'll find you!

  • I'm doing nothing since

  • Top 10 Trends ended.

  • Nothing!

  • I got nothing but time!

  • (horror music)