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-You guys, I wanna wish everyone
a happy Martin Luther King Day.
[ Cheering and applause ]
All day long, #MLK was trending on Twitter.
Unfortunately, President Trump thinks MLK
are the Roman numerals for Super Bowl LIV.
[ Laughter ]
[as Trump] It's 100 minus 50...
[ Laughter ] I wanna say congrats to the Kansas City Chiefs
and San Francisco 49ers for advancing to Super Bowl LIV.
[ Cheering and applause ]
Fans of both teams are going crazy,
while most of the country is celebrating
that it's not the Patriots.
[ Cheering and applause ]
"You okay, man?"
And this is the Chiefs' first trip to the Super Bowl
since winning it 50 years ago.
Things in the '70s were so much different than they are today.
I mean, back then, the president was being impeached.
[ Laughter ]
[ Fresh laughter ]
But Las Vegas is already taking bets
for the Super Bowl and this is very interesting.
Since 49ers quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo
is white and named Jimmy, there are 2:1 odds
he might become a late night talk show host.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-That's right. The Kansas City Chiefs
beat the Titans to advance to the Super Bowl
and, after the game, tight end Travis Kelce
shared what he's learned. Take a look.
-I learned one thing since I've been here.
[ Cheering and applause ] You gotta fight!
For your right!
To pa-a-a-a-a-a-a-rty!
[ Cheering, whistling, and applause ]
[ Cheering and applause ]
-The place was so amped,
even Jim Nantz shotgunned half a Zima.
[ Laughter ]
It was so cold on the sidelines of the Chiefs-Titans game
that Titans quarterback Ryan Tannehill had to find
a creative way to use his tablet without taking his gloves off.
Take a look at this. -It's so cold,
you don't want to keep taking your gloves off,
so, when you're on the sideline, you got the tablet,
how do you kind of advance the screen?
You do it with your nose.
[ Laughter ] -Is he okay after that last hit? -Yeah.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-After the game --
After the game, Tannehill was like,
"I would've used something else, but it was way too cold."
[ Laughter ]
[ Fresh laughter ]
Meanwhile, the 49ers looked great yesterday
and I saw that their mascot
is a character named Sourdough Sam.
Can we take a look at him?
There he is. [ Laughter ]
It's nice to see that Prince Harry already found
a new job, isn't it? That's good.
[ Laughter and applause ]
But everyone is talking about this.
Yesterday at the 49ers-Packers game,
Rob Lowe was spotted in the stands
and he had an interesting choice of hat.
Check this out. Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
A lotta people thought it was odd
that he just wore a hat that just supported
football, in general.
[ Laughter ]
But it wasn't really that odd,
if you've seen him at other events.
I mean, here's Rob Lowe at a music festival.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Here he is testifying before Congress.
[ Laughter ]
And here he is just walking around.
I mean, he just loves hats. That's all.
[ Laughter and applause ] He just likes hats.
-He loves hates. -He looks good in all of them.
-Always looks good.
[ Cheering and applause ]
-Well, guys, Trump's Senate impeachment trial
begins tomorrow and his legal team is busy
preparing their defense strategy.
So far, it's to release a live bat in the Senate chamber,
then scatter.
[ Laughter ] This isn't good.
Journalists are upset that Mitch McConnell wants
to limit their movements inside the Capitol during the trial.
And this is true: even C-SPAN is upset.
[ Laughter ]
What is even C-SPAN like when it's mad?
[ Laughter ] It's like,
[hushed] "This is an outrage.
[ Laughter ]
We don't have to put up with this.
I'm about to flip a table on this B."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Some 2020 news.
The New York Times editorial board
endorsed Elizabeth Warren and Amy Klobuchar
as Democrats' top choices for the 2020 nomination.
[ Cheering and applause ]
That's right. They picked two candidates.
And today their sports section picked the Chiefs
and the 49ers to win the Super Bowl.
[ Laughter and applause ]
This weekend, Bernie Sanders held a rally in New Hampshire
and took a moment to thank some of his supporters.
This included Jon Fishman from the band Phish,
but take a look at what Bernie called the band.
-Let me thank Jon Fishman,
who's with the Phish. You all know the Phish?
[ Laughter and applause ]
-He found out about the Phish on the Google.
[ Laughter and applause ]
And Bernie was like..
[as Sanders] If you don't know the Phish,
they're the ones with fans who smoke the pot!
[ Laughter and applause ]
The Google.
Everyone's talking about this.
Over the weekend, the Food Network had an episode
about Pokémon-themed cakes
and one baker had a little bit of trouble
with their Pikachu cake.
Take us out.
-Can you help me wiggle? -Yep.
[ Squeaking ] [ Laughter ]
-I don't wanna lay him down.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
Hold on, hold on.
I know that the only option right now is force
[ Laughter ] and the body is taking
a beating. -Yeah. Right.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[laughing] Oh, my God!
-That entire time, Pikachu was frantically trying
to remember the safe word. It's like...
[ Laughter ]
Pikachu was like, "Don't poke me, mon." Yeah.
[ Laughter ] -Oh!
-Also, I saw this. A Siberian Husky --
[ Laughter ]
-"Gotta catch 'em all." Come on. It's just unbelievable, yeah.
[laughing] Come on.
-A Siberian Husky that was just adopted
is going viral for having some pretty interesting eyes.
Take a look at this.
[ Audience awwing ]
Yeah. I think that dog actually
just saw what happened to that Pokémon.
[ Laughter ] -I don't wanna lay him down.
[ Applause ] The only option right now
is force. -Alright, alright, alright,
alright, alright, very good, okay.
-Oh, my God!
[ Laughter and applause ]
-And, finally, listen to this.
A man in New Hampshire had a $21 bar tab
and he left a $2,000 tip.
So it's official -- Mike Bloomberg will spend
whatever it takes to get a vote. We have great show!
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Kansas City Chiefs and San Francisco 49ers to Play Super Bowl 54

24 Folder Collection
林宜悉 published on July 4, 2020
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