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  • -John, thanks again for talking to me.

  • I really do appreciate it.

  • I did want to talk to you about becoming a citizen.

  • -Yeah. -You are now a citizen

  • of the United States of America. -An American.

  • -You are an American right -- -Yes, that's right.

  • -This is the first time you're on my show as an American.

  • -That's right, that's right, and I feel

  • you're treating me with a different

  • kind of respect now, Jimmy.

  • -You do feel it a little bit, right?

  • -American to American, right. -How was the process?

  • -I mean, it's really bad.

  • -Is it really? -And it's bad for me.

  • That's what, I guess, is more of like the scary

  • canary in the coal mine.

  • It's bad for a white man coming from Britain

  • who has the help of first Comedy Central

  • and then HBO lawyers.

  • It's -- It was really hard.

  • -Really?

  • -And very, very frightening.

  • -What is the final day when you go, "Yep, it's official"?

  • Do you get a thank-you from the president or --

  • Which would be funny if you got a thank-you.

  • -Yeah. It's hard --

  • I mean, so you go into a room together.

  • There was like 150 of us

  • from, I think, 47 different countries.

  • So we all enter a room together.

  • And they make speeches that are fantastic.

  • Everyone stands up when their country is called.

  • And then... -That's cool.

  • -...they play a video from the president.

  • I think in recent years that video has been a little more

  • welcoming than this particular video was,

  • which seemed to be delivered through some version

  • of gritted teeth.

  • And so we listened to that video.

  • Were made to feel not exactly welcome,

  • and then we were given little American flags,

  • and they say "congratulations,"

  • and it feels --

  • For some people in that room, this is the end of like

  • a 20-year, 30-year process.

  • So the sense of relief in that room --

  • There was -- If I'm completely honest,

  • there was a part of me that day as I went down there

  • that still didn't think it was going to happen,

  • it was some kind of trap.

  • I know that sounds like a joke,

  • but part of me did think they would open a door

  • and there would be like plastic sheeting on the ground

  • like in "GoodFellas," and just Jared Kushner

  • stroking a hairless cat, saying,

  • "You didn't really think this was going to happen."

  • -Yeah. -But that's the level

  • of paranoia and worry that was in my head the whole time.

  • I could not believe it was going to happen,

  • this thing that I wanted for over a decade.

  • -And you can vote now, correct?

  • -Yes, that's right. This will be my first vote.

  • -Yeah. -Wow.

  • -Previously to that it's been taxation without representation.

  • Now I get why you got so pissy about it all those years ago.

  • -[ Laughs ] Yeah, exactly, yeah.

  • -Yeah, it is annoying. You were right.

  • It's very annoying. -[ Laughs ]

  • -Yeah, so, yeah, I get to vote this November.

  • -Well, with everything going on, I was talking to you earlier

  • just about any life things,

  • things about the kids or anything that will make you...

  • -Yeah. -...smile during these times.

  • And you explained to me about this purchase

  • that you made in a bodega. -Yes.

  • -So just as everything was shutting down,

  • I grabbed -- I was in a bodega looking for anything

  • that could reasonably be construed as a child's toy.

  • And I found a Chia Pet of the Golden Girls

  • that had been, I think, on the bodega shelf

  • for I want to say 30 years.

  • -Oh, my God. Holy -- what?

  • -Like, I gave this to my son.

  • And he kind of said -- He said, "Who is that lady?"

  • And I explained who Estelle Getty was.

  • That didn't seem to internalize. -That's great.

  • -Then he said, "Why is this a toy?"

  • And I couldn't really answer that question.

  • And then he asked why she was so mad.

  • So here's the thing.

  • We planted this three months ago.

  • So if this is 30 years old,

  • it's been sitting as an ornament

  • on a bodega shelf.

  • All the seeds have probably died, I think, over 30 years.

  • -Yeah. -So this --

  • That's what we're aiming for.

  • This, three months later, is what we got.

  • -[ Laughing ]

  • -I just -- -[ Laughing ] Oh, my --

  • -I mean, that's horrific. -Oh, my goodness.

  • -That's absolutely horrific. -Oh, my...

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -I've even trimmed off the one

  • that was growing out of her nose.

  • If there -- I don't know if there was

  • a better visual representation

  • of where we want to be as a society

  • and where we are than that.

  • -[ Laughs ] Oh, my...

  • John Oliver, you are a funny man,

  • and, gosh, I needed that laugh.

  • Thank you so much for everything you're doing.

  • -Of course, mate. -Keep up the great work,

  • and hug those kids. -Thanks so much.

  • -Bye, buddy. Good to see you. -See you, buddy. Bye.

-John, thanks again for talking to me.

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John Oliver Shares His Frightening Path to American Citizenship

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/03
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