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  • -All right! All right. All right.

  • Okay. We're having a good time, you know?

  • We're having a good time.

  • I like to tell people we're having a good time, you know?

  • I don't like to ask.

  • A lot of comics come out here and they go,

  • "Are we having a good time?"

  • Not me. I can't risk it. You know what I mean?

  • I like to let you know. I am pumped to be here, though.

  • I travel around a lot.

  • I don't always get the best hotels.

  • I stay at a lot of hotels. They're not always the best.

  • I was in one recently, and nothing worked.

  • The elevator didn't work.

  • Finally got up to my room, and the Wi-Fi didn't work.

  • So I went back downstairs and I was like,

  • "Hey, the Wi-Fi doesn't work."

  • And he was like, "Yeah, it's a little shaky.

  • But the network name is RamadaInn1."

  • And that's when I realized why it was shaky,

  • because we weren't at a Ramada Inn.

  • Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Hey, thank you.

  • I could see the Ramada Inn through the window.

  • He was like, "But it works real good down here in the lobby.

  • Why don't you just use it here in the lobby?"

  • And I'm like, "Well, obviously, you don't know

  • what I need Wi-Fi for."

  • You know what I mean? Okay, we're having a good time.

  • And -- let's not forget -- we're having a good time.

  • I was at one hotel, and they had a sign inside the room

  • that said, "Not responsible for stolen items."

  • So I took some stuff.

  • And, I mean, I'm like, "I'm not responsible either.

  • I don't even work here.

  • I've been needing a lamp with some plugs on it."

  • I'm tired of plugging my stuff into a wall at home, you know?

  • Get a lamp I can plug some stuff into.

  • It's tough to find a lamp with USB ports on it.

  • You know what I mean?

  • You find one, you take it. That's a rule.

  • I was at a casino hotel one time, and they had a sign

  • in there had a list of everything you could steal

  • and how much it cost, all right?

  • That way, if you want to steal it,

  • they'll just charge you right to your account,

  • I guess to keep you from stealing, right?

  • But they had an ironing board on there for like $20.

  • I was like, "That seems like a pretty good deal to me."

  • You know what I mean?

  • Like, I don't buy a lot of ironing boards, so I don't know,

  • but $20 seems cheap, right?

  • Plus, who's bold enough to steal an ironing board from a hotel?

  • Like, a towel, I get. You can put that into your bag.

  • But an ironing board? That's bold, right?

  • You're at checkout like, "Nah, I had this when I came in.

  • Yeah, it does look a lot like yours,

  • but I always carry an ironing board with me.

  • Good thing, 'cause there's not one in that room."

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Yeah.

  • We're having a good time.

  • And I don't even know how to iron, though, you know?

  • Like, I know how it works.

  • You know, like, you plug it into the lamp, and then...

  • Okay, we're having a good time.

  • I like to read bad-hotel reviews.

  • I read one recently.

  • This guy was like, "This hotel room was so disgusting.

  • There was bugs in the bed, blood in the carpet.

  • I felt like I was going to catch a disease.

  • And that continental breakfast was a joke."

  • I was like, "Dude, you stuck around for breakfast?

  • You got to get out of there, man."

  • You wouldn't do that at a friends house, you know?

  • You wouldn't be like, "Oh, it's too gross to sleep.

  • Let's check out the fridge."

  • You know what I mean? Okay. All right.

  • And I hate staying at people's houses, though.

  • I like a hotel.

  • You know, you have to follow people's rules at their houses.

  • You don't know what to expect.

  • You ever go to somebody's house and they got a dog

  • that's barking at you, growling at you?

  • And they go, "Ah, he won't bite."

  • It's like, "Why do you think that?"

  • "'Cause he's never done it before?

  • Well, maybe today is the day.

  • 'Cause he looks like he wants to bite."

  • They're always like, "Well, he might lick you to death."

  • I'm like, "Death? Who said anything about dying?

  • I'm just worried about being bitten.

  • I don't even know why you brought up death."

  • I just think it's a weird idea, right?

  • 'Cause the dog looks like it wants to bite you.

  • It's like you show up at somebody's house,

  • and there's some guy in there with a knife.

  • And he's just doing like this.

  • Huh?

  • They're like, "Ah, he won't stab you.

  • Uh, he might lick you to death.

  • Yeah, he'll settle down in a minute.

  • He's just not used to being around people."

  • All right. We're having a good time.

  • Thank you, guys. [ Cheers and applause ]

  • ♪♪

  • -That is how you do it right there.

  • That is how you do it. Dusty Slay!

  • For more, go to dustyslay.com.

-All right! All right. All right.

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