Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • Halloween is around the corner.

  • Are you excited about that?

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Yep, right around the corner.

  • It's at the intersection of Not Again Avenue

  • and I Dread It Every Year Street.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Each Halloween, I have to dress up on the show.

  • They snuck it into my contract somehow.

  • I shouldn't have to dress up for Halloween anymore.

  • I'm in my mid to late 40s.

  • I don't need to--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I don't know what I'm going to be yet,

  • but I've been doing some research

  • and it looks like they just do a sexy version of anything.

  • And I've talked about this before,

  • but it's really getting out of hand.

  • Apparently, we're running out of things to make sexy.

  • Every year, they take a children's character

  • and then they try to make it-- this

  • is sexy Bert and Ernie right here.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • They don't really live on Sesame Street,

  • they just work the corner.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • It's another kid's character they're trying to--

  • Sexy Mr. Rogers.

  • Looks more like a Hooters waitress with a tie.

  • That doesn't even look like Mr. Rogers.

  • The next one is topical and barely makes sense.

  • This is sexy fake news.

  • There's "Fake" right across--

  • I don't know if it's referring to the news or the--

  • Last year I showed you this.

  • This was sexy Dory and I guess it wasn't sexy enough

  • because now I found this this year.

  • Yeah, she's wearing fishnets, you get it?

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Fishnets.

  • It's a fish.

  • You know what they say, if you can't beat them, join them.

  • So I'm going to sell my own sexy costume this year.

  • It's not sexy Ellen--

  • I'm already too sexy for TV--

  • but someone on my staff.

  • It's sexy Average Andy and it comes

  • with a headset and nicotine gum and tighty-whities.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • It's business on top and average party even down below.

  • Surprise, Andy.

  • Yeah, it's a great surprise.

  • Do you like this?

  • It was a little surprise.

  • You didn't know that was in the script, did you?

  • Sure did not.

  • Aw.

Halloween is around the corner.

Subtitles and vocabulary

Click the word to look it up Click the word to find further inforamtion about it