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  • (Cues: Wiz and Boomstick - Brandon Yates)

  • Wiz: The early 1990s played host one of the biggest, battlegrounds the world had ever seen: The Console Wars.

  • Boomstick: Nintendo and Sega's mascots were locked in a merciless duel over the gaming throne.

  • Wiz: But when the smoke cleared, a surprise third challenger was rising to the top.

  • Boomstick: The Sony PlayStation.

  • And it didn't have just one mascot, it had two!

  • Wiz: Crash Bandicoot, the mutated marsupial from down under.

  • Boomstick: And Spyro the Dragon, the powerful purple hero of the Dragon Realm.

  • He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

  • Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!

  • Listen, I admire another brilliant doctor of science as much as the next guy.

  • Especially those with Grand plans to take over the world.

  • But I'm not sure Dr. Neo Cortex makes the cut.

  • Boosmtick: Why not? He's an evil genius who made a mutant aussie army of animals to take over the world.

  • Wiz: Sure, but when it came time to assign a general for this army, Cortex chose, of all things, a bandicoot.

  • Boomstick: A bandi-what? you're makin' that up.

  • Wiz: It's a real animal. Look!

  • Boomstick: Awww, hey! It's kinda cute! How's that little thing gonna take over the world?

  • Wiz: With the Evolvo-Ray, Cortex DID successfully mutate it into a powerful beast.

  • However, when he tried to brainwash the creature, he utterly failed to create his fearsome general.

  • Instead, he got... Crash Bandicoot.

  • Boomstick: So Cortex threw him out like trash and Crash became his worst nemesis ever.

  • Which is super embarrassin', because this bandi-Crash is a few snags short of a barbie.

  • But his physical abilities make up for it! He's got parkour skills like nobody's business!

  • Wiz: Which is appropriate as bandicoots are excellent jumpers similar to their marsupial cousin, the kangaroo.

  • Boomstick: He's got superhuman strength and can take a big hit and just keep on going, like an Energizer bunny of pain!

  • Wiz: Crash can double jump in midair, slide incredible distances and use Crash Dash to boost his speed.

  • Boomstick: He's also tapped into Mojo, a magic substance that's basically life energy, to enhance his battle techniques.

  • He's got his Norris Roundhouse and Triple Dragon, but his favorite move is the Cyclone Spin.

  • Wiz: He can even give this move a boost for the Death Tornado technique, though this can leave him dizzy and prone to counter-attacks.

  • Still, these brutal moves proved incredibly useful for rescuing his fellow mutant bandicoot girlfriend, Tawna.

  • Boomstick: Uhh... why, does she look like that?

  • She's like... really hot, but also not at the same time?

  • I'm really confused.

  • Wiz: Uh huh... while Crash's natural abilities were enough to save her, his future battles with Cortex would require more sophisticated tools.

  • Boomstick: Yeah, like the rad Copter-Pak. He's even got himself the unicorn of motorsports, the Space Motorcycle.

  • What i wouldn't give for one of those...

  • Wiz: To increase his firepower, he carries a special bazooka that uses a naturally occurring and easily attainable form of ammunition:

  • Wumpa Fruit.

  • Boomstick: The same kind of fruit shooter that's on his Power Loader suit from Alien...

  • Err, I mean this completely generic looking, mech.

  • Wiz: But why fruit? I can't imagine it's a particularly effective projectile.

  • Boomstick: I dunno, Wiz. Remember that time I shot you with my potato gun?

  • You were stuck in a coma for like a month.

  • Wiz: Wait, what?! You told me I lost that month because my time travel wristwatch finally worked!

  • Boomstick: Oh, uh... well, where's Crash getting all this cool tech?

  • He can't be building it all himself, He's pretty dumb.

  • Wiz: They're all thanks to his kid sister, Coco who's 10 times the inventor Cortex is.

  • But Crash isn't really dumb he just lacks communication skills he actually shows many symptoms of autism.

  • Some people with autism, known as savants, are extraordinarily gifted in particular skill sets and i think that describes Crash perfectly.

  • While he may not know how to hold a conversation, he is a superb athlete and puzzle solver.

  • Boomstick: Well, I'm sure it helps that he's surrounded by friends who encourage his better traits.

  • Coco: Hey, that was a good one!

  • Like Aku Aku, His magical mask foster dad who's basically a god. Lucky bastard.

  • Wiz: Aku Aku's magical Mojo prowess is quite impressive. He's very protective of Crash and will often step in when Crash is in trouble.

  • ...But not always.

  • Boomstick: Wiz, why can he teleport across dimensions on his own but can't teleport Crash very far at all?

  • Aku Aku: This is as far as I can take us. we'll have to fight our way to the robot's interior and save your sister!

  • Wiz: Well perhaps his fatherly intuition is kicking in encouraging Crash to learn, from his own mistakes and become his own man... er, bandicoot.

  • Boomstick: Yeah, maybe he's just being a dick.

  • Wiz: Well, thanks to Aku Aku and his own amazing abilities Crash has performed some incredible feats while stopping Cortex's plans time and time again.

  • Boomstick: He's strong enough to lift his adopted brother Crunch over his head.

  • Since Crunch is at least twice as big as Crash,

  • That would mean Crash's strength is similar to the world's best power lifters.

  • Wiz: His cyclone attack can generate enough force to lift this large boulder and throw it so hard it shatters on impact.

  • Comparing its size to Crash that boulder must weigh nearly eight tons.

  • Boomstick: He's also fast enough to outrun polar bears, Which can move up to 25, miles per hour.

  • But Crash really shines when it comes to durability. Just look at how well he holds up after taking 112 falling wooden crates to the face!

  • Wiz: Huh... Where did they all come from?

  • Boomstick: I bet it's Aku Aku's fault... And he's right back up like it didn't even happen!

  • What a champ!

  • Wiz: Crash has endured an explosion of 23 crates of TNT all at once, which, given their size could potentially level a city block.

  • Crash: WOAH!

  • And with the help of Aku Aku, he even survived a crash landing from outer space.

  • Boomstick: What the heck is up with his hair?

  • Wiz: This vessel was likely falling at 17,500 miles per hour, similar to the space shuttle's typical re-entry,

  • Which means the force of its collision would be equivalent to more than 2 million tons of TNT.

  • Boomstick: Wait... but why didn't Aku Aku just teleport them to safety?

  • Aku Aku: I can't believe we're okay!

  • Boomstick: Oh, are you kidding me, Aku?! you know, what you did or didn't do.

  • But what's the saying... any crash you can walk away from, right?

  • Plus, given how easy it is for Crash's enemies to lure him into traps, his absurd durability is crucial.

  • Wiz: Well, Crash isn't perfect, but with his amazing abilities and a little bit of Mojo, he's saved the world many times over.

  • Boomstick: And after years of this, he finally learned how to speak.

  • Coco: Now let's go home, and eat pancakes!

  • Crash: Pancakes!

  • Boomstick: Wait, THAT'S it?!

  • Wiz: Prophecy tells of a special purple dragon, born every 10 generations,

  • Destined to be a hero of his age. This was the legend of Spyro.

  • But when the ancient dark master Malefor learned of this, he swore to destroy Spyro before he even hatched.

  • Boomstick: By the way, there are at least three different timelines for Spyro, but we're mainly sticking with the Legend of Spyro version,

  • Because he can do pretty much anything the other ones can, and more.

  • Plus, I think they're all the same Spyro reincarnated anyway, since that's what the prophecy says and look, that's totally Skylands being made at the end of Dawn of The Dragon.

  • Wiz: Ahem, wild fan theories aside, Spyro, was saved from Malefor's wrath by Ignitus, a guardian dragon.

  • He decided to pull a Moses and send Spyro's egg floating down a river to who-knows-where.

  • Okay, why, do so many stories start with people just throwing babies into rivers? That's never a good idea!

  • Boomstick: Wrong, Wiz! It worked out fine for Spyro! He was found and adopted by a family of dragonflies.

  • And even without fellow dragons around, Spyro grew up to be a pretty good fighter.

  • He's strong, tough, and makes good use of his horns, tail and claws.

  • Wiz: But not his wings. Not yet. Without a dragon's parentage, Spyro remained mostly grounded during his childhood.

  • Boomstick: But he got good at using his head, like the fun way, not... not the brainy stuff.

  • You DO NOT want to be on the other end of his Charge Attack.

  • Wiz: But one fateful day, everything changed. During a game of hide-and-seek with his quote-unquote 'brother' Sparx,

  • They got into a bit of monkey business and, in desperation, Spyro unexpectedly breathed fire.

  • This was Spyro's first hint that he was...

  • *GASP*

  • ...ADOPTED!

  • Boomstick: Hold up. You mean he thought he was an actual dragonfly the whole time?

  • I can think think of a few other hints like, I don't know... Any time, he, saw his reflection!

  • Wiz: This revelation prompted Spyro to go on a journey in search of his true home, among other dragons.

  • Oh, and Sparx tagged along to help find treasure, and protect his dragon brother from harm.

  • Boomstick: Not like he needed it. He's the chosen one, bitch! He's got a bunch of awesome dragon powers!

  • Wiz: As a purple dragon, Spyro was not limited to just his fire breath. After finding and rescuing four great dragon guardians,

  • They each became his teachers in the arts of elemental combat.

  • Ignitus taught Spyro how, to control fire and focus it into huge blasts.

  • Volteer showed him how to use electric breath to stun enemies and toss them through the air.

  • Cyril taught him to freeze foes solid and fire ice shards,

  • And Terrador showed him how to use earth breath to split rocks and roll up into a ball.

  • Wiz: Spyro also honed his physical and chi combat with the martial art of Dragon Kata.

  • Oh, and he finally learned how, to fly!

  • Boomstick: 'Bout time!

  • Wiz: Speaking of which, Spyro learned how briefly slow down time to improve his reactions.

  • Boomstick: Oh, damn! But all of this led to Spyro learnin' the ultimate element: the Convexity breath!

  • Wiz: Aether.

  • Boomstick: Convexity.

  • Wiz: It's Aether.

  • Boomstick: No, stupid! everyone calls it convexity!

  • Wiz: Okay, purple dragons like Spyro can use a mysterious energy, that is essentially the spiritual life force of the universe.

  • While it's never officially named in canon, lead concept artist Jared Polin has gone on record to clarify its name and properties, and he calls it Aether.

  • Eat that, Boomstick!

  • Boomstick: Don't convex me, Wiz!

  • True fans know i'm right.

  • Wiz: Aether is an extremely powerful element which binds the fates of the living and the dead. With Aether, Spyro pulls from the four elements to create energy which,

  • according to Polin, has power comparable to that of an atom smasher.

  • Boomstick: Isn't that the thing that shoots an atom around at light speed for all sorts of sciencey stuff?

  • Wiz: Yes. There are particle accelerators with a moving photon beam containing 362 megajoules of energy.

  • Boomstick: Yeah, I said that.

  • Wiz: This beam can slice through a human skull in a nanosecond. Just like what happened to russian scientist Anatoli Bugorski when he stuck his head in one of them.

  • Boomstick: Why the hell would he do that?! God, being Russian must be hard.

  • Bugorski took a beam less than a molecule thick through the skull which obliterated all matter in its path in an instant.

  • While he survived, half of his face around the microscopic hole in his head swelled, peeled apart and was permanently paralyzed.

  • While he experienced the blinding light he described as brighter than a thousand suns.

  • Sparx: Hey, Spyro. What was that about?

  • Spyro: I don't really know. I just felt like I had to hit it. And when i did, the power of a thosuand suns surged through my body!

  • Boomstick: Just imagine if that beam was the size of Spyro's super breath! No, wait, you don't need to!

  • We've seen what it's like when he killed the Ape King!

  • Wiz: Of course, Spyro's Aether powers have other uses, as well. Such as curing his fellow dragon Cynder of Malefor's corruption.

  • Boomstick: Is he shooting ghosts at her?!

  • What kind of magic were they smoking when they came up with that?!

  • Wiz: But Aether is dependent on a balance between light and dark. should a purple dragon fall prey to their own anger and hatred, they risk being consumed by Dark Aether, or Nether.

  • Transforming into a blackened, rage-filled form.

  • Boomstick: Spyro is a really nice guy, but as Dark Spyro, he lets loose! He's stronger, faster and way more violent!

  • Wiz: Unfortunately when Spyro is consumed by Dark Aether he cannot return to his old self on his own.

  • But with friends like Sparks and Cynder at his side he's always found his, way back.

  • Boomstick: Throoough the power of love...

  • Right, Spyro?

  • Spyro: You gotta believe!

  • Wiz: With all these powers at his claw tips, Spyro is a force to be reckoned with.

  • He's pretty quick, outracing biplanes that can fly over 159 miles per hour.

  • He's pushed a gold statue about twice his size, And he's pretty tough claiming his scales are impenetrable

  • Spyro: So I'm electricity proof too? I knew my scales were impenetrable but now this?

  • Wiz: A bold claim, but let's look at the facts.

  • Spyro once took a punch from this massive magma golem which then lost its arm and replaced it with a cathedral tower.

  • This cathedral is similar in size to St. Stephen's Basilica, a Roman Catholic Church in Budapest, Hungary.

  • By taking the height length and depth of the basilica and adjusting for empty space, we can, estimate the arms, mass to weigh over 400,000 tons.

  • Assuming a low-end punching speed of 50 miles per hour, that of the average humans, the golem must have hit with at least 1.9 million tons of force.

  • Boomstick: And after getting all these powers, saving the dragons, and defeating the dark master himself,

  • Spyro, tapped into Aether one last time to literally pull the exploding planet back together!

  • What?!

  • How the hell?! How?!

  • Wiz: I'd say a mix of the power of love, magic of friendship and a smidge of prohetic destiny.

  • Boomstick: Wiz, I want a pet dragon more than anything.

  • Spyro: It's a sad sight, Sparx. Another noble warrior falls victim to the plague of love.

  • Just look away.

  • Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all!

  • Boomstick: But first, let me tell you about the mascot of good food: Blue Apron!

  • Right now you're probably shouting at your screen: "where do i sign up?!"

  • Well, Blue Apron is treating Death Battle viewers to $30 off your first order if you visit blueapron.com/battle

  • So check out this week's menu and get your $30 off at blueapron.com/battle.

  • But right now, IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Spyro: Weird... Uh, what are you doing?

  • SPARX! NOOOOO!!

  • Announcer: FIGHT!

  • Spyro: Alright...

  • You asked for it!

  • Wait a sec... was that a fruit?!

  • Woohoo!

  • STRRRRIKE!

  • Where do you keep finding these things?!

  • Dark Spyro: I'm done with this!

  • Nobody messes with me, pal!

  • Announcer: KO

  • Boomstick: Huh, I don't think, Aku Aku's, gonna pull Crash from the grave after that.

  • Wiz: Spyro had plenty of obvious advantages. His speedy flight let him control the pace of the battle,

  • and his elemental arsenal gave him a much wider variety of attacks than Crash had ever seen in a one-on-one fight.

  • Even with his extraordinary puzzle-solving skills Crash was simply overwhelmed.

  • But surprisingly, this wasn't nearly as one-sided as it looked on paper.

  • Boomstick: With the strength to throw an 8-ton boulder, Crash was actually stronger than Spyro,

  • And both of them have survived impacts worth around two million tons of force.

  • How convenient. It's almost like they planned this all along!

  • Wiz: To be fair, we did have to lowball Spyro's durability against the golem's punch.

  • However, both of them have shown durability which far exceeded much of their attack capability.

  • Boomstick: So even with his gadgets, Crash really didn't have a good way to hurt Spyro very much, but the funny thing is Spyro didn't have many attacks that could firmly hurt Crash, either.

  • They were both just too tough.

  • Wiz: Well, until Spyro used the Aether breath, which could literally break matter apart at an atomic level.

  • Not even Aku Aku could save Crash from a beam that intense.

  • Boomstick: I guess Crash just couldn't spin this one.

  • Wiz: The winner is Spyro the Dragon.

  • Ben: Hey guys, thank you for watching this Episode of DEATH BATTLE.

  • If you want to get the battle music for yourself you can get it by clicking the link below.

  • Chad: And if you guys want to see exclusive commentary on this episode click that little box over there. FIRST Membership Trial.

(Cues: Wiz and Boomstick - Brandon Yates)

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B1 aku dragon cortex battle beam breath

Crash VS Spyro | DEATH BATTLE!

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/07/02
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