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  • There is a castle on a cloud

  • I like to go there in my sleep

  • Aren't any floors for me to sweep

  • Not in my castle on a cloud

  • There is a lady all in white

  • Holds me and sings a lullaby

  • She's nice to see and she's soft to touch

  • She says, (WHISPERING) "Cosette, I love you very much"

  • I know a place where no one's lost

  • I know a place where no one cries

  • Crying at all is not allowed

  • Not in my castle on a cloud

  • (SINGING) Welcome, monsieur, sit yourself down

  • And meet the best innkeeper in town

  • As for the rest All of them crooks

  • Rooking the guests And cooking the books

  • Seldom do you see

  • Honest men like me

  • A gent of good intent who's content to be

  • Master of the house Doling out the charm

  • Ready with a handshake and an open palm

  • Tells a saucy tale Makes a little stir

  • Customers appreciate a bon viveur

  • Glad to do a friend a favor

  • Doesn 't cost me to be nice

  • But nothing gets you nothing Everything has got a little price

  • Master of the house Keeper of the zoo

  • Ready to relieve them of a sou or two

  • Watering the wine Making up the weight

  • Picking up their knick-knacks When they can 't see straight

  • Everybody loves a landlord Everybody's bosom friend

  • I do whatever pleases Jesus! Won 't I bleed 'em in the end!

  • ALL: Master of the house! Quick to catch your eye

  • Never wants a passerby to pass him by!

  • Servant to the poor Butler to the great

  • Comforter, philosopher and lifelong mate

  • Everybody's boon companion

  • Everybody's chaperone

  • But lock up your valises Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!

  • Food beyond compare Food beyond belief

  • Mix it in a mincer And pretend it's beef

  • Kidney of a horse Liver of a cat

  • (MEOWS)

  • Filling up the sausages with this and that

  • Residents are more than welcome

  • Bridal suite is occupied

  • Reasonable charges Plus some little extras on the side

  • Oh, Santa!

  • Charge 'em for the lice Extra for the mice

  • Two percent for looking in the mirror twice

  • Hand it over! Here a little slice, there a little cut

  • Three percent for sleeping with the windows shut

  • When it comes to fixing prices

  • There are a lot of tricks I knows

  • How it all increases All those bits and pieces

  • Jesus! It's amazing how it grows

  • (LAUGHING)

  • Sorry, love. I must get something done about that.

  • (SINGING) I used to dream that I would meet a prince

  • But, God almighty

  • Have you seen what's happened since?

  • What? What?

  • "Master of the house" isn't worth my spit!

  • Comforter, philosopher and lifelong shit!

  • Cunning little brain

  • Regular Voltaire

  • Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there

  • What a cruel trick of nature

  • Landed me with such a louse

  • God knows how I've lasted living with this bastard in the house

  • ALL: Master of the house!

  • Master and a half!

  • ALL: Comforter, philosopher

  • Don't make me laugh

  • ALL: Servant to the poor Butler to the great

  • Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!

  • ALL: Everybody bless the landlord!

  • Everybody bless his spouse!

  • Everybody raise a glass!

  • (ALL CHEER)

  • Raise it up the master's arse!

  • (ALL CHEER)

  • ALL: Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house

  • I love you, too.

  • (LAUGHING)

  • (SINGING) Everybody bless the landlord

  • (DONKEY BRAYS)

  • (COSETTE SINGING)

  • (GASPS)

  • (SINGING) Hush now Do not be afraid of me

  • Don't hide Show me where you live

  • Tell me, my child, what is your name?

  • I'm called Cosette

  • (GASPS)

  • Mademoiselle. Can I help you with your bucket?

  • Whoa!

  • (SINGING) I found her wandering in the wood

  • This little child, I found her trembling in the shadows

  • And I am here to help Cosette

  • I will settle any debt you may think proper

  • I will pay what I must pay

  • To take Cosette away

  • I love you.

  • (SINGING) This is a duty I must heed

  • (MOUTHING)

  • And there is a promise I have made

  • For I was blind to one in need

  • I did not see what stood before me

  • Now your mother is with God

  • (GASPS)

  • Her suffering is over

  • And I speak here with her voice

  • And I stand here in her place

  • Come on.

  • And from this day, and evermore

  • Let me take your coat, monsieur

  • Cosette shall live in my protection

  • You are very welcome here

  • I will not forget my vow

  • Take a drink

  • Take a chair

  • Cosette shall have a father now

  • What to do? What to say?

  • Shall you carry our treasure away?

  • What a gem! What a pearl!

  • Beyond rubies is our little girl

  • How can we talk of debt?

  • Let's not haggle for darling Colette

  • Cosette. Cosette

  • Dear Fantine, gone to rest

  • Have we done for her child what is best?

  • I think so.

  • Shared our bread, shared each bone

  • Treated her like she's one of our own

  • Yes, our own.

  • Like our own, monsieur!

  • The cost adds up.

  • Your feelings do you credit, sir

  • And I will ease the parting blow

  • Let us not talk of bargains and bones and greed

  • Now may I say we are agreed?

  • That would quite fit the bill

  • If she hadn't so often been ill

  • Little dear, cost us dear

  • Medicines are expensive, monsieur

  • (BOTH COUGHING)

  • Not that we begrudged a sou

  • It's no more than we Christians must do

  • Than we Christians may do

  • No more words! Here's your price

  • Fifteen hundred for your sacrifice

  • Come, Cosette, say goodbye

  • Let us seek out some friendlier sky

  • Thank you, both, for Cosette

  • It won 't take you too long to forget

  • Farewell, Courgette!

  • It's "Cosette." Cosette.

  • And, open.

  • It's for you.

  • (SINGING) Where I go, you will be

  • Will you be like a papa to me?

  • Yes, Cosette This is true

  • I'll be father and mother to you

  • (GRUNTS)

  • Not bad. Not enough!

  • There's a copper at the door What the devil have you done?

  • Where's the child Cosette?

  • (SINGING) She's gone with a gent

  • Didn't tell us where they went

  • Didn't leave his home address

  • You're a bloody fool Look at what we got

  • Should've struck the iron Struck it while it's hot!

  • Next time round, I promise I'm gonna get the lot

  • Okay?

  • (SINGING) Suddenly you're here

  • Suddenly it starts

  • Can two anxious hearts beat as one?

  • Yesterday I was alone

  • Today you are beside me