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  • World premiering, introducing for the first time, Pew News!

  • **Fake laser gun sounds**

  • The most legitimate news source on the Internet.

  • *More fake laser gun noises*

  • [News Theme]

  • Pew News, the place where we talk about things that happen on the internet. Topics that are of interest.

  • News number one: J.K. Rowling is under the, the fire lately.

  • J.K. Rowling responds to gay Dumbledore controversy.

  • J.K. Rowling the wonderful author who didn't take a second before calling me out publicly for being a fascist.

  • Thank you. Thank you J.K.

  • *Kiss*

  • Basically, what happened was that J.K. Rowling,

  • The queen of afterthought, after writing seven books,

  • She... she thought it would be nice that if Dumbledore, without any hint in any of the seven books

  • That Dumbledore, one of the main characters was a homosexual.

  • A nice little afterthought, you know of course and you know why?

  • Because they're no different. That's why that's how genius I am.

  • Because,

  • They're no different from normal people. That's why I don't even have to write it in.

  • I will however, take all the glory for being — *chuckle*

  • for being so forward thinking, you are welcome. So now that the new movies are coming out with Dumbledore's past or,

  • his previous character as young. It was exposed that none of that will be shown.

  • *Laughs*

  • Dumbledore, will in fact not be displaying

  • Uh, that he is into boys.

  • And J.K. Rowling sort of responded to, uh, people's criticism about this, people weren't too happy.

  • Kind of calling her out for her

  • Hypocrisy that hey, I thought you said that he was a homosexual character, then why isn't he all the sudden and J.K. responded with?

  • "I'm gonna mute you," that's how you know someone responds well to criticism when theyshe won't even listen to it .

  • *Laughs*

  • J.K. Rowling, which of course also so progressively thought, yes, Hermione was actually black .

  • As clearly evidence all over her seven books displayed like here... and here

  • Here's the tragic case of me actually agreeing with Polygon

  • "Fantastic Beasts sequel needs to show Dumbledore's sexuality, not just hint at it." You have created a world with werewolves,

  • wizards and all kinds of shit.

  • I don't watch Harry Potter, or read the books, but I know there's, you got magic in it, but a man

  • publicly

  • Displaying that he- his sexuality. That's too far.That cannot exist in this world

  • Thank you very much!

  • It's like she wants the cake and eat it too, and people call her out on it, and she's a crybaby.

  • J.K Rowling is a lost billionaire woman who can't face criticism.

  • Nothing new here.

  • *Laser sounds*

  • The next news: Logan Paul went skydiving and his main parachute didn't open! ah!

  • *Somebody touched my spaghetti!*

  • Oh my god!

  • I think that's the wrong emoji that they used, they should have used the that emoji, or perhaps....

  • Many of you asked what my opinion was about Logan Paul returning to YouTube, and it's pretty simple:

  • he should be able to return, there shouldn't be any problems with it,

  • and I personally, I don't have any problems with it. I for one loved seeing slow-mo shots of Logan Paul with a serious face.

  • Maybe petting his dog or uh,

  • maybe just wrapping his fingers together. That's that's what I subscribe for Logan Paul, and I'm glad that he is back

  • doing what he's doing best.

  • Yes, touch the stone!

  • Oohhhh!

  • Awhh!

  • Can I just say, I love his haircut! It's just perfect, it just made me completely forget about everything

  • I need a new haircu-. I need a new... that's better. I guess the thing about this video is that Logan Paul's

  • Initial video, that started all the drama, It was made.. to make himself look better in the eye of suicide.

  • That's what he did,

  • He just did it so.

  • Miserably that it just completely collapsed, and at the end of the day this video was doing the same thing,

  • He's trying to make himself look better in the eye of suicide

  • There's really no difference, but the general thing to learn here that it's okay to do that,

  • It's okay to benefit from suicide as long as you're doing it in the right way.

  • One important note that I got from the video was that he met up with this

  • gent that survived from jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, which is

  • Obviously doesn't happen and he was met with instant regret, and he uses that to speak out against suicide,

  • And it's a great story.

  • And it's great that he's getting featured. Basically when I was during my media storm

  • Everyone told me to do this exact same thing,

  • Everyone told me you need to meet with people, you need to travel around the world to

  • Interact and show people that you've learned, you need to appear on interviews,

  • and I just,

  • personally, felt that that was very disingenuous, It seemed like I'm obviously just doing it to repay my

  • image or to repair my image.

  • I'm not doing it out of pure good intention

  • Which sort of spoils it completely for me, and I just thought that would that's just disingenuous,

  • I don't want to do that, I would rather just show people that I've changed through my videos and time.

  • He also did an interview with ABC with.. Michael.

  • "Michael I'm 22 years old. I'm gonna be honest with you Michael. Michael

  • I've gotten to meet.." (Felix) Michael "So he's 100 yards away from the park and I-

  • It just it doesn't make any sense and

  • I- I believe it happened for a reason."

  • So apparently because it was just one hundred yards from the parking lot

  • And and Logan Paul found a dead body it happened for a reason. There's a divine- Logan Paul is on a divine path of

  • Redemption. This all happened for a reason.

  • Who would have thought it would have happened? No one

  • ""(Interviewer) For parents out there because where you're the father thirteen year old twin girl

  • It's very hard to know everything that your kids watch, and there are a lot of parents

  • (Logan)"Alot of parents" (Felix) Who are not gonna pay for your Merch anymore

  • *evil laugh*

  • "Every parent, I meet whose kids are under the age of like 12, I go hey

  • You you let your kids watch my stuff?

  • That's right parents. Don't worry about everything that happened.

  • It wasn't Logan Paul's fault

  • It was your fault. Okay. You should not have let your kids watch his videos

  • What are you stupid parents come on, man? What are you doing, parents?

  • Obviously it's not Logan Paul's fault

  • When you put out content like that do you realize the age of your audience? It's odd because Michael, I'm 22 years old

  • It's not like I'm making

  • Content necessarily for kids. *mhm* You 100% are making content for kids Logan. You know your demographic

  • *crazily screaming kids of Logan*

  • Every youtuber ever knows their demographics, that that's how you are successful, it's in your analytics.

  • And it's also, you meet them. I.... I know people say well

  • Only the young ones show up at events like this and stuff like that

  • But no, when I did my meetups ever older people there too. They were not there's all kids in fact there were more

  • young teens and uh,

  • Young adults than kids you're lying. You're just lying. I try not to live my life thinking about money

  • PFFFFFFF

  • *thud*

  • *inhale*

  • *inhale*

  • I'm sorry, what? Can you repeat that, please? I try not to live my life thinking about money

  • *Pewds tries his new language called Brawn.*

  • Your whole channel is built about money, Logan.

  • It's the only thing that draws in these little kids to look up to you.

  • Oh look at all these flashy cars you have, the mansion. Your whole brand is built around it, Logan.

  • Are you kidding me? The twenty seventeen year review video. Where do I begin? I guess I could start with this

  • *dramatic intense hype music*

  • At Twenty two years old I bought my first house for six point five million dollars, but it wasn't quite satisfied

  • So I had a koi pond put in

  • *intense music again*

  • Painted the walls of the guest house

  • *intense music again* (idk why I am doin it)

  • Bought a giant truck known as the Yeti

  • *intense music again*

  • Bought a school bus and then turned it into a cool bus

  • *just music*

  • Installed a home theater system

  • Blah Blah Blah

  • More material objects guys the point is I bought a lot of things including this Rolex

  • I try not to live my life thinking about money

  • *Pinocchio magic sound*

  • Like I said

  • Logan Paul should just keep making videos and be honest.

  • That's that would be my advice and as long as he's not I'm gonna call him out on it.

  • Now which brings back to this headline, Logan Paul went skydiving and his main parachute didn't open

  • he posted on Twitter that uh he had to cut away his main parachute because it didn't open and uh

  • He had to use the blue reserve parachute.

  • Remember the guy that jumped off the bridge and survived? Well now, Logan Paul.

  • Has someone that he can relate to it.

  • Normally, I would think better of people but

  • Seeing Logan Paul's behavior, and I think I'm someone that can understand this sort of mentality

  • Where you're just dishonest, I really truly think that he just jumped with the second parachute

  • I would not accuse people of this shit. Just out of superstition, but seeing all these

  • Track record of dishonesty

  • And doing literally anything to redeem your brand. I'm gonna call it out. It seems too perfect for me to see him

  • Talk to a guy that jumped off the bridge and survived

  • And then this is gonna be his first vlog, right this is gonna be his comeback vlog

  • I haven't seen it hasn't come out yet

  • But I'm pretty sure this is gonna be his vlog and now he gets a chance to feel like yes

  • You know, I survived a jump. Now I feel now I feel the same way, and if you think I'm crazy

  • People are already saying it, maybe now you'll stop seeing suicide as a joke first you have this video, and then thiis very

  • specific..thing happens in

  • relation to it.. Obviously Logan knows his next vlog is gonna have to be important

  • It's gonna have to have some sort of message. You can't just keep making videos and move on

  • I'm not buying it I'm not buying it. I know people will think I'm crazy like I've put on a tinfoil hat or something. I'm not buying it

  • I'm not buying it for a second stop being dishonest Logan. That's all you have to do

  • *Fake laser gun sounds*

  • Next news Pew News that's right we have more

  • Susan Wojcicki tweeted CEO of YouTube

  • I think that's their position at least

  • That she's been listening closely to your thoughts and ideas for the past year

  • So wanted to share my priorities for creators in 2018. It's a long blog post going through basically