**Fake laser gun sounds**

The most legitimate news source on the Internet.

*More fake laser gun noises*

[News Theme]

Pew News, the place where we talk about things that happen on the internet. Topics that are of interest.

News number one: J.K. Rowling is under the, the fire lately.

J.K. Rowling responds to gay Dumbledore controversy.

J.K. Rowling the wonderful author who didn't take a second before calling me out publicly for being a fascist.

Thank you. Thank you J.K.

*Kiss*

Basically, what happened was that J.K. Rowling,

The queen of afterthought, after writing seven books,

She... she thought it would be nice that if Dumbledore, without any hint in any of the seven books

That Dumbledore, one of the main characters was a homosexual.

A nice little afterthought, you know of course and you know why?

Because they're no different. That's why that's how genius I am.

Because,

They're no different from normal people. That's why I don't even have to write it in.

I will however, take all the glory for being — *chuckle*

for being so forward thinking, you are welcome. So now that the new movies are coming out with Dumbledore's past or,

his previous character as young. It was exposed that none of that will be shown.

*Laughs*

Dumbledore, will in fact not be displaying

Uh, that he is into boys.

And J.K. Rowling sort of responded to, uh, people's criticism about this, people weren't too happy.

Kind of calling her out for her

Hypocrisy that hey, I thought you said that he was a homosexual character, then why isn't he all the sudden and J.K. responded with?

"I'm gonna mute you," that's how you know someone responds well to criticism when they — she won't even listen to it .

*Laughs*

J.K. Rowling, which of course also so progressively thought, yes, Hermione was actually black .

As clearly evidence all over her seven books displayed like here... and here

Here's the tragic case of me actually agreeing with Polygon

"Fantastic Beasts sequel needs to show Dumbledore's sexuality, not just hint at it." You have created a world with werewolves,

wizards and all kinds of shit.

I don't watch Harry Potter, or read the books, but I know there's, you got magic in it, but a man

publicly

Displaying that he- his sexuality. That's too far.That cannot exist in this world

Thank you very much!

It's like she wants the cake and eat it too, and people call her out on it, and she's a crybaby.

J.K Rowling is a lost billionaire woman who can't face criticism.

Nothing new here.

*Laser sounds*

The next news: Logan Paul went skydiving and his main parachute didn't open! ah!

*Somebody touched my spaghetti!*

Oh my god!

I think that's the wrong emoji that they used, they should have used the that emoji, or perhaps....

Many of you asked what my opinion was about Logan Paul returning to YouTube, and it's pretty simple:

he should be able to return, there shouldn't be any problems with it,

and I personally, I don't have any problems with it. I for one loved seeing slow-mo shots of Logan Paul with a serious face.

Maybe petting his dog or uh,

maybe just wrapping his fingers together. That's that's what I subscribe for Logan Paul, and I'm glad that he is back

doing what he's doing best.

Yes, touch the stone!

Oohhhh!

Awhh!

Can I just say, I love his haircut! It's just perfect, it just made me completely forget about everything

I need a new haircu-. I need a new... that's better. I guess the thing about this video is that Logan Paul's

Initial video, that started all the drama, It was made.. to make himself look better in the eye of suicide.

That's what he did,

He just did it so.

Miserably that it just completely collapsed, and at the end of the day this video was doing the same thing,

He's trying to make himself look better in the eye of suicide

There's really no difference, but the general thing to learn here that it's okay to do that,

It's okay to benefit from suicide as long as you're doing it in the right way.

One important note that I got from the video was that he met up with this

gent that survived from jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, which is

Obviously doesn't happen and he was met with instant regret, and he uses that to speak out against suicide,

And it's a great story.

And it's great that he's getting featured. Basically when I was during my media storm

Everyone told me to do this exact same thing,

Everyone told me you need to meet with people, you need to travel around the world to

Interact and show people that you've learned, you need to appear on interviews,

and I just,

personally, felt that that was very disingenuous, It seemed like I'm obviously just doing it to repay my

image or to repair my image.

I'm not doing it out of pure good intention

Which sort of spoils it completely for me, and I just thought that would that's just disingenuous,

I don't want to do that, I would rather just show people that I've changed through my videos and time.

He also did an interview with ABC with.. Michael.

"Michael I'm 22 years old. I'm gonna be honest with you Michael. Michael

I've gotten to meet.." (Felix) Michael "So he's 100 yards away from the park and I-

It just it doesn't make any sense and

I- I believe it happened for a reason."

So apparently because it was just one hundred yards from the parking lot

And and Logan Paul found a dead body it happened for a reason. There's a divine- Logan Paul is on a divine path of

Redemption. This all happened for a reason.

Who would have thought it would have happened? No one

""(Interviewer) For parents out there because where you're the father thirteen year old twin girl

It's very hard to know everything that your kids watch, and there are a lot of parents

(Logan)"Alot of parents" (Felix) Who are not gonna pay for your Merch anymore

*evil laugh*

"Every parent, I meet whose kids are under the age of like 12, I go hey

You you let your kids watch my stuff?

That's right parents. Don't worry about everything that happened.

It wasn't Logan Paul's fault

It was your fault. Okay. You should not have let your kids watch his videos

What are you stupid parents come on, man? What are you doing, parents?

Obviously it's not Logan Paul's fault

When you put out content like that do you realize the age of your audience? It's odd because Michael, I'm 22 years old

It's not like I'm making

Content necessarily for kids. *mhm* You 100% are making content for kids Logan. You know your demographic

*crazily screaming kids of Logan*

Every youtuber ever knows their demographics, that that's how you are successful, it's in your analytics.

And it's also, you meet them. I.... I know people say well

Only the young ones show up at events like this and stuff like that

But no, when I did my meetups ever older people there too. They were not there's all kids in fact there were more

young teens and uh,

Young adults than kids you're lying. You're just lying. I try not to live my life thinking about money

PFFFFFFF

*thud*

*inhale*

*inhale*

I'm sorry, what? Can you repeat that, please? I try not to live my life thinking about money

*Pewds tries his new language called Brawn.*

Your whole channel is built about money, Logan.

It's the only thing that draws in these little kids to look up to you.

Oh look at all these flashy cars you have, the mansion. Your whole brand is built around it, Logan.

Are you kidding me? The twenty seventeen year review video. Where do I begin? I guess I could start with this

*dramatic intense hype music*

At Twenty two years old I bought my first house for six point five million dollars, but it wasn't quite satisfied

So I had a koi pond put in

*intense music again*

Painted the walls of the guest house

*intense music again* (idk why I am doin it)

Bought a giant truck known as the Yeti

*intense music again*

Bought a school bus and then turned it into a cool bus

*just music*

Installed a home theater system

Blah Blah Blah

More material objects guys the point is I bought a lot of things including this Rolex

I try not to live my life thinking about money

*Pinocchio magic sound*

Like I said

Logan Paul should just keep making videos and be honest.

That's that would be my advice and as long as he's not I'm gonna call him out on it.

Now which brings back to this headline, Logan Paul went skydiving and his main parachute didn't open

he posted on Twitter that uh he had to cut away his main parachute because it didn't open and uh

He had to use the blue reserve parachute.

Remember the guy that jumped off the bridge and survived? Well now, Logan Paul.

Has someone that he can relate to it.

Normally, I would think better of people but

Seeing Logan Paul's behavior, and I think I'm someone that can understand this sort of mentality

Where you're just dishonest, I really truly think that he just jumped with the second parachute

I would not accuse people of this shit. Just out of superstition, but seeing all these

Track record of dishonesty

And doing literally anything to redeem your brand. I'm gonna call it out. It seems too perfect for me to see him

Talk to a guy that jumped off the bridge and survived

And then this is gonna be his first vlog, right this is gonna be his comeback vlog

I haven't seen it hasn't come out yet

But I'm pretty sure this is gonna be his vlog and now he gets a chance to feel like yes

You know, I survived a jump. Now I feel now I feel the same way, and if you think I'm crazy

People are already saying it, maybe now you'll stop seeing suicide as a joke first you have this video, and then thiis very

specific..thing happens in

relation to it.. Obviously Logan knows his next vlog is gonna have to be important

It's gonna have to have some sort of message. You can't just keep making videos and move on

I'm not buying it I'm not buying it. I know people will think I'm crazy like I've put on a tinfoil hat or something. I'm not buying it

I'm not buying it for a second stop being dishonest Logan. That's all you have to do

*Fake laser gun sounds*

Next news Pew News that's right we have more

Susan Wojcicki tweeted CEO of YouTube

I think that's their position at least

That she's been listening closely to your thoughts and ideas for the past year

So wanted to share my priorities for creators in 2018. It's a long blog post going through basically

Uh

Acknowledging the issues I would say

She sort of spices on some some good bits here and there, like like not everything is bad

Hey, they have super chat now and in 2017

The number of creators making six figures grew by 40% so it's not all bad

But she did recognize the de-monetization in this message.

She says but even as our platform continues to do well around the world too many of you.

Unfortunately had to learn about the new word in 2017 de-monetization.

It's nice to have it acknowledged at least it would be nicer to see

What is going to be done, I think I think a real good course of action would be to

Stop letting people have this guessing game with YouTube. You're gonna have to start filling people in on what is going on

And why for example a video gets de-monetized. Whenever my video gets de-monitized I have to play this guessing game of

What caused it, what was it in this 10-minute video that that wasn't allowed was it because I said "Dorian" at that

Point was that too much you never know

It's so, I wish they'd just say: "Hey this doesn't fit into our Community Guidelines". I can go okay

I'll cut that out, not a problem

and then I can move on with my day and instead of having to spend hours of

Reuploading reuploading spending so much time and I think this is a problem with most creators when a when a clip gets

Claimed by another company they take all the revenue of the video

So let's say I use audio from someone that I didn't know was copyrighted or something like that

it's hard to tell I know it's stupid you shouldn't do it, but

Sometimes it just happens, and they claim the video

They get all the revenue and plus that if they don't even have to say why they claimed it, or what is claimed

There's still so many issues with the system

And they're making it harder for creators to earn their revenue that they deserve

Uh!

You have really creative people really making.

Uh!

Amazing stuff that don't get the revenue just to give an example you have this really creative meme

Uh!

Video that I re-uploaded because I wanted to react to it. It's a really great video probably took shit ton of edit to put in

and it's to display the memes of.

Uh!

2017 if I showed this bit in my video the company that owns this video can claim my

Video and take all the revenue for this entire video just because I showed it, that's enough to justify the claim