yep

Not interested

No thank you

Huh?

Oh?!

Oh?

What is this?!

"Five-year-old threatens to dethrone YouTube king PewDiePie?"

Over my god damn dead BODY!!!

Over my vegan BO---!!!!

How could this be?

Jefferson Graham

huh?

okay

oh right...

Jefferson Graham

Five-year-old threatens...

Pfft!

Maybe this kid... Got what it takes

Who am I?

The next PewDiePie?

Let's uh...

Let's check out some content

*Woman: Go go go go to bed! Go to bed!*

*Happy music*

*Alright then! Brush your teeth.*

*Ryan's going in to take a bath!*

He's got a tricycle I love those.

*Ryan: Welcome to Ryan's toys review!*

Fuck! I don't have an intro!

Shit!

Let's make one right now!

*In a cringy kid's voice: Welcome to Felix's toys review!*

Has it really gone to that po*voice-crack*int?

Making fun of five-year-olds?

''Watch some of the videos and they'll remind you of the videos you make''

*Laughs a little*

That's what I wanna watch

I mean, why would I watch what I've made,

when I can just watch other people make the same shit?

That really...

*laughs*

That really certifies

Oh shit... Oh my god...

I just became one of those that says,

''Why would you watch someone else play video games when you can play it yourself''

*laughs*

Shit...

''Youtube's biggest star is a 5-year-old that makes''

WAIT!

The Verge as well?!

What the... fuck is happening?!

Are we talking about the same The Verge?

The Verge that will take any opportunity they can to

to shit on me?

Oh okay that's interesting...

''PewDiePie and others took money from WarnerBros for positive game reviews''

A straight up lie that I debunked

Fuck you!

''For the last 18 weeks and counting Ryan Toys Review''

''has been the most popular channel on YouTube''

''The youngest star YouTube has EVER seen''

Is that... Are we celebrating this?

Are we celebrating that.. the fact that some...

this mother is like

You think he's getting any money off this?

You think he's getting the toys?

I also really like how they link every video ever

in their description

I really appreciate that

''The genre skyrocketed once kids became the hosts''

The kids are not the hosts

Okay, let's watch a video and I'll show you what I mean

*Woman: Yeah awesome!*

*Ryan: What are we gonna get?*

*Woman: I don't know!*

*Who will you hatch?*

See? She doesn't even let him finish

he was clearly about to say something there!

*Who will you hatch?*

Look at him.

*Woman talks*

No, you don't matter cuz I MATTER!!!

SHUT THE FUCK UP RYAN!!!

*Ryan: These look like they might open!*

*You can still hear the noises inside!*

*Woman: Yeah!*

Oh my god I think he...

I think he came up with that sentence himself and no-one else told him to say that

*You can still hear the noises inside!*

*Yeah!*

*Cringes*

I don't... Like...

I'm sure he loves it.

You know

I'm sure

I would love... When I was a kid

to open a bunch of toys

but at the same time it's like

It's... It's something off about it

It's kinda like seeing child stars on television

cause you know their parents are literally forcing them to do it

and it's just something sad about it

And I can't help getting the same vibe

Obviously I don't know what goes on but

*cringes*

I watch it and i'm like ''UGH!''

''Increasingly, it feels like Ryan is reading from a script''

*laughs*

No

The script being mother saying

''HEY, YOU FUCKING SEE THIS?!!''

''Youtube stars are driving retail sales''

I can't argue with that

''Subliminal advertising at its finest''

''Sponsored episodes''

Yeah

It's clearly

They're sponsored by Walmart

It's 100%

It's so clear

like...

watch this video over there like

''We got an exclusive Walmart egg!''

*Woman: And we even found a Walmart exclusive version too!*

OOO

Why would any kid give a shit about that?

Explain that to me.

Ok?

Why would any kid give a shit about Walmart edition?

It doesn't make any sense!

And then you get the Verge posting ''He took money from WarnerBros for positive game reviews even though he didn't''

Talk about inadequate disclosure, huh?

Ok well where is it here?

''Ryan's success in other words translates into more money''

For his parents!

Oh, 'for a larger corporation''

Ok, ok alright

So basically, there's a legal loophole

That there's no way for the antics of an ordinary kid

To be commercialised

Many states have no rules around children performing

They have no child labor laws around performance

The channel isn't just Ryan playing with toys any more

Whether he's going to Disneyland, getting a haircut or running a fever, his parents are the ones deciding how much-

You see what I'm getting at here?

Have you ever seen a video with 11 million views and 9000 likes?

Please direct me to that video. Because it doesn't exist.

These are not real people. These are not real views.

There's only 1000 comments.

Take a video where I had 11 million views:

I got 22,000 comments.

22,000. 1000.

Most viewed video has 600 million views.

What. The. Fuck.

What the ac- excuse me. What the actual fuck.

What the fuck.

That's more than half of Call Me Maybe

Are you saying- like everybody in the entire fucking world should know who this kid is.

I bet most of you who've seen this video have no fucking clue.

How do you get that amount of views?

How can the Verge

and USA Today

Fail to realise this? How can they run such a full cover like this?

And not mention it?

You know, I'm not here to criticise this family

I don't care. I genuinely don't care.

Like, do whatever you want, don't get me wrong. This is not the point.

The point that I want to make, which I am absolutely fucking stunned,

That these two big-big journalist websites, The Verge and USA Today

Like, where the fucking- look at this. Look at this.

It's a fucking feature

Let's see- maybe is 'bot' mentioned anywhere? No.

Fake views? No.

This whole article. Nowhere.

So congrats. You payed for views.

And that's how you get the title, "Oh! He's beating PewDiePie!"

And I think that's what pisses me off so much because people want to fucking tear me down all the fucking time