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  • Listen up, you virgins.

  • I bet you never had a real girlfriend.

  • pfft..

  • Pathetic, you losers.

  • It's all about that Kanojo

  • VR everybody

  • I've been wanting to play this game for a loooooong time.

  • Oh, yeah

  • This videos been brought to you by

  • Don't tell Marzia productions.

  • Alright, here we go.

  • Time to meet my new wife (some japanese in the background)

  • You're late!

  • Come here, give me tea

  • You're welcome.

  • Wait, I'm supposed to sit there?

  • Well, what if I can get my chair and sit in VR?

  • This would be the perfect immersion

  • that I've always wanted

  • Oh, my god. Oh! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  • [VR birds in the bg]

  • Sorry, what?

  • Okay, she's gonna go.

  • She's gonna go up.

  • Don't worry, guys.

  • I got a perfect way to solve this problem *shows what his 399 chair can do*

  • Just a little closer--

  • DAMMIT!

  • HEYYYYYY

  • *family friendly*

  • Bring me, bring me back up.

  • Bring me back up, okay?

  • heheh ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  • *naughty giggles from senpai*

  • *a bit naughtier than expected*

  • *naughty-turns-evil giggle*

  • *giggles censored from this point onwards*

  • *regurgitating noise*

  • OHHH

  • AWRRRRGH

  • (in japanese) chotto matte da-

  • -- Chotto matte kudasaiiiiiii

  • Tickle, tickle

  • Ah, my cable, it's...

  • GAWD DAMMIT

  • You, doofus.

  • You're good for nothing, useless whamen

  • [not serious @ WSJ]

  • Disappointed.

  • Yeah, you broke it.

  • You broke the book.

  • Because you're a moron, that's why.

  • Japan's capital is Kyoto???

  • Are you actually reta--

  • [family-friendly Felix]

  • I see you looking at me with fear in your eyes. (nervous looks from the kanojo)

  • I'm asking you,

  • Is there something wrong with you?

  • Is there something actually wrong with you?

  • Hey, baby ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  • *girl moans sensually with some japanese telling to pls staph*

  • We've been working hard, you know.

  • *girl giggles delightfully*

  • The Double Squeeze!!!

  • "itai yo..."

  • This is my chance to escape!

  • Finally, I can get out of here! (did he escaped hmmM)

  • Yes, I made it. I survived!

  • (no u didn't)

  • Damn it

  • Wait, really?

  • Really?

  • Oh, she's sleeping.

  • *girl moans softly*

  • All right, perfect immersion, guys.

  • Finally I can sleep with a whamen.

  • Let me just..

  • *trying to immerse himself*

  • *sounds of pewds laying down on the floor*

  • *where is 399 when you need it??*

  • Ah, yes, the - *ended up laying under the bed xD* *hilarious laughter*

  • Yes, this is where I -

  • *wholesome laugh*

  • This is just- *more laughter*

  • *never saw pewds this happy*

  • *You go, senpai*

  • This is just like I sleep with Marzia

  • *cutest skratta*

  • *highly sensual sounds from the girl*

  • *moans and groans*

  • *bliss*

  • YAAAARRRGGGHAAAH

  • *girl purrs in happiness*

  • *in voice only poods can do* Tickle, tickle!

  • *girl purrs more*

  • What is THIS? (hmmmmMMm)

  • *shakes object*

  • This is like, you get the

  • you get the ju- like how does it?

  • Oh, I see!

  • (it is indeed for ankles)

  • *some spy in action sound

  • I found the target

  • *kanojo is heard talking to herself

  • This is PewDiePie to headquarter.

  • I found the T H O T

  • *climbs the dangerous tree branch without hesitating*

  • *peeks*

  • She seems to be completely delusional and lost.

  • She must be a streamer

  • *poods clicking buttons sounds

  • I'm going in. Huh!

  • *jumps without fear of dying or falling to that deep abyss

  • beh

  • bah

  • bah

  • *gets through the window easily with the help of his spy skills*

  • AAAA

  • *lands perfectly on the bed. No sweat, no blood, no struggles*

  • What is she doing?!

  • *in voice only poods can do* Stop it!

  • Stop that right now!!

  • *poods trynna punch the whamen*

  • *girl gasps after sit-up*

  • Good job, now sleep. *poods trynna suffocate whamen*

  • Go to sleep, go to sleep.

  • Oh, I'm not- I'm not looking

  • I'm not LOOKING

  • Fine.

  • I'll look away.

  • *whamen struggling, nice guy pewdiepie stares*

  • Oh my god, you're completely useless.

  • *whamen touches her own bobs*

  • There you go.

  • *laughs*

  • *slams electric fan onto the whamen* *punch SFX*

  • *laughs*

  • Here's your kiss.

  • *Nice guy pewdiepie slams electric fan again onto whamen again*

  • Kanojo: whats wrong?

  • What? nothing, nothing, nothing's wrong

  • *girl moans again*

  • *whamen runs into her bed with a "transferring a corpse to the coffin" position*

  • Ha, Doki Doki!

  • Aww, she loves me.

  • I'm such a great person.

  • Die. You should die.

  • *whamen wanna hug mr. chair*

  • Who she-

  • Who are you talking to you?

  • What do you want from me?

  • *succing sounds*

  • *ultimate hot kanojo emerges

  • Oh. My. God.

  • Oh, my god.

  • *yeugh* (another way to say eew)

  • Oh, my god. (poods is disgusted xD)

  • I'm scared.

  • I'm scared, I'm actually scared.

  • Open the bottom drawer dressing

  • Okay, what do I do with this?

  • *eats Pocky with kanojo*

  • There you go.

  • *kanojo not satisfied*

  • Are you satisfied?

  • *kanojo panics*

  • *nice guy pewdiepie stares at kanojo that is currently being threatened by the bug

  • Don't worry.

  • Don't worry, I'll squish it.

  • I'll squish it, don't w--

  • QUIET, I'm squishing it

  • PAH *misses the bug*

  • PAH *misses again*

  • PAH

  • *iloveass999999 eliminated the bug. rip bug*

  • *iloveass999999 eliminated kanojo. victory royale

  • *poods massages her a-, uh back i mean*

  • *a horrifying screech of pleasure*

  • *same screech again*

  • Go on!

  • GO! *heheheha*

  • *laughs*

  • *camera shutter sound*

  • *shutter sound remix*

  • I can make you feel pain.

  • I can make you feel suffering.

  • I can make you feel...

  • ...like you wish you were never born.

  • Okay, look at me

  • Look at me!

  • kanojo: "bikkuri shita"

  • Cool I'm really glad I started playing more video games.

  • This is definitely what I was looking for.

  • *nice guy pewdiepie suffocates kanojo with a pillow*

  • Don't resist!

  • *poods aiming his pencil, ready to attack any time*

  • *pencil falls to kanojo's face with a 'boing'*

  • *skrattar*

  • One more ? ?

  • One more ? ?

  • Come on, you can do it.

  • *zooms in to maid kanojo's bobs* *demonetized*

  • *404 error*

  • Wow, you're so tense.

  • *nice guy pewdiepie slaps her hair*

  • She crying?

  • *deviant android pewdiepie stabs kanojo 28 times*

  • Ha! Haha-hahah

  • Aaah, you dummy dumb!

  • OH MY GOD

  • *poods slammin them bobs*

  • That looks so bad

  • You can't hold back your feelings?

  • Okay, here I come.

  • Just kidding.

  • *pewds dabs perfectly like a real man*

  • *audience keeps cheering*

  • *cheering continues*

  • *felix frozen in dab position*

  • *kanojo in the 'transferring a corpse to the coffin position' again*

  • *romantic music plays*

  • *drone buzzing as girl appraches to kiss*

  • Okay, that was kanojo VR. What a great game!

  • Really good game.

  • *senpai speechless*

  • Leave a like if you

  • *girl moans as felix licks his lips*

  • Alright, let's give her a final kiss.

  • There it comes.

  • Are you ready?

  • Here we come.

  • BAAAA Begone t h o t

  • *audience laugh track plays*

  • NO!

  • *applause and cheers*

  • RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  • *A S S outro plays to hit the ten minute mark and get an extra ad because this game is extremely dangerous and can possibly demonetize the video*

  • *the finale*

  • *have a great day*

  • *hurray chicken won*

  • 10:05

Listen up, you virgins.

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