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  • It's time for another secret standup.

  • You guys will like this.

  • Tonight, we've got super model Charlotte McKinney

  • from Baywatch, and Joe Dirt, too.

  • Whitney Cummings and I gave her an earpiece,

  • she got on stage at The Comedy Store

  • and repeated everything we said, as usual.

  • The crowd was not in on it, and they didn't know--

  • she didn't know what we were gonna say,

  • they didn't know what we were gonna say.

  • And here's the video.

  • ♪ ♪

  • So is your earpiece working?

  • Whitney and I will feed you through this.

  • Charlotte, can you hear me? Where are my tens at?

  • When I come watch people here,

  • I'm, like, find it frightening.

  • You're gonna do great as long as you had a bad childhood.

  • (laughs) Okay.

  • I think the second I get up there,

  • I'm going to freak out.

  • SPADE: All right, get out there.

  • -Let's do it. -Okay. (screams)

  • (Spade screaming)

  • Please, you guys, give it up and keep it going

  • for Charlotte McKinney.

  • -(whooping) -(applause and cheering)

  • Say, hey, guys.

  • Hey, guys.

  • How's it going?

  • I know I look like a news anchor with a tapeworm.

  • I know I look like a news anchor with a tapeworm, but...

  • (laughter)

  • You know, I was in Joe Dirt 2.

  • I don't know if you guys know this,

  • but I was in, um, Joe Dirt 2.

  • In case you're wondering what you don't recognize me from.

  • So, you're probably wondering

  • what you don't recognize me from.

  • (laughter)

  • I dropped out of school.

  • So, I dropped out of school.

  • A lot of people know that.

  • But then I went back to get my DUI.

  • But then I went back, and I got my DUI.

  • (laughter)

  • For some reason, they still want me to come to the reunion.

  • For some reason, they still want me to come to the reunion.

  • Yeah.

  • Did anyone see the movie Baywatch?

  • Did anybody see the movie Baywatch?

  • I was the second hottest girl after Zac Efron.

  • I was the second hottest girl

  • after Zac Efron.

  • I'm currently lifting weights.

  • I'm currently lifting weights.

  • -Uh, with my bra. -With my bra.

  • -And... -(laughter)

  • Is it hot in here, or am I just super hot?

  • Is it hot in here, or am I just super hot and stupid?

  • -(laughter) -Oh, my God.

  • I just want what every woman wants.

  • I just want what every woman wants.

  • A 90-year-old billionaire with an incurable disease.

  • A 90-year-old billionaire

  • with an incurable disease.

  • -(laughter) -(mouths)

  • That's all I want. That's all I want.

  • You... We'll talk after.

  • (laughter)

  • I just flew in from Cancun,

  • and, boy, are my arms tired.

  • (laughs): I just flew in from Cancun,

  • and, boy, are my arms tired.

  • From jerking off a billionaire on the jet.

  • From jerking off a billionaire on a jet.

  • (laughter)

  • Good one.

  • Look at the guy in the front row and ask him how old he is.

  • -How old are you? -95.

  • -95. -Say, "You're way too young for me."

  • 95. You're way too young for me. I'm sorry.

  • -(laughter) -Um, so, moving on.

  • Hey, guys, the jokes are up here.

  • Motion to your face.

  • Hey, guys, the jokes are up here.

  • (laughter)

  • I'm gonna wrap this up.

  • Most of the guys have jizzed already.

  • I'm gonna wrap this up

  • 'cause most of the guys have jizzed already.

  • -And, um... -Thanks for coming in.

  • Thanks for coming in. Good night.

  • That was extremely painful, but it's over, and I'm done.

  • (cheering and applause)

  • Oh, shit. She was good.

  • -Oh, God, I've never been so nervous! -Oh, it's so stressful.

  • -Oh, my God. Yeah, give her a hug. -You were so good.

  • I think they thought I was on crack.

  • -I'm sure. -Fully.

It's time for another secret standup.

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