B2 High-Intermediate US 15 Folder Collection
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-Welcome to "Late Night," everybody.
We're two months into quarantine,
but don't worry --
all we have to do is sit tight
for another period of months of indeterminate length,
and then, we may, or may not, be out of this thing.
So cheer up and let's get to the news.
Former Vice President Joe Biden appeared
on "Good morning America" yesterday
and, frankly, it was a little embarrassing.
In a new interview, former Vice President Joe Biden said
that President Trump's response
to the coronavirus pandemic has been incompetent.
Said Trump, "Why don't you say that to my face
with no mask on?
Say it real loud, so you really spray those particles."
After refusing to change his schedule on Monday,
after learning his press secretary
tested positive for the coronavirus,
the White House confirmed yesterday
that Vice President Mike Pence
will distance himself from President Trump.
Pence apparently decided to take precautions
after noticing his temperature was a little higher
than his normal 25°.
[ As Pence ] Oh, my God, I'm
hotter than a frozen chicken.
White House senior advisor
and President Trump's son-in-law, Jared Kushner,
said yesterday that he was not sure
if the coronavirus pandemic
would delay the general election in November,
which is a little weird, because the question was,
"Sir, how did you get in here?"
Oprah announced yesterday she will launch
a four-week virtual wellness experience
that will be available for free.
Huh. Maybe she's trying to make amends for somethin'.
Broadway producers announced yesterday
that theaters will remain closed through at least September 6th,
due to the coronavirus pandemic.
Then, after that, they're gonna keep crowds small
with shows like "An Evening with Seth Meyers."
Oh, come on.
Come on, writing staff.
You're gonna burn me remotely like that?
That's just cruel.
Executives from MGM Resorts yesterday unveiled
a seven-point safety plan
to reopen its hotels and casinos.
Just seven?!
Their entire business model is
seniors touching the same slot machine, blowin' on dice,
and ignoring the sneeze guard at the buffet.
MGM's safety plan should look like "Infinite Jest."
That's writer Mike Scollins,
wanting you to know he read "Infinite Jest."
Let's show a picture of Mike.
So, yeah, you get it.
A new law in Utah went into effect yesterday
that reduces the punishment for bigamy
to essentially a traffic ticket,
which, as you know, is about $120
and one furious wife.
And, finally, authorities in Canada recently caught
a teenager driving his father's car
at 191 miles per hour on a highway.
Though honestly, I'm more impressed
by the officer who pulled him over.
Mountie joke! That's the monologue.
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Vice President Mike Pence Is Distancing from Trump

15 Folder Collection
Yeung-On Yu published on May 24, 2020
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