Father's Day is the worst holiday in the world.

I've done the research.

I already know.

Let me tell you something.

Mother's Day is the second-most celebrated holiday in the world.

Christmas is first.

So, it's ... That means it's Jesus, then your mama.

You know where Father's Day fall at?

Number 20.

I can't think of 18 other holidays.

Do you realize Halloween is number six?

So, that means ghosts and goblins go before fathers?

Arbor Day is number 13.

I don't even know what that is.

I just know it come before me.

That's crazy.

Columbus Day is number 16.

Celebrating Columbus Day is like celebrating somebody finding money in your house.

Where you get that 50 dollar from?

I discovered it in your kitchen.

Ridiculous!

Father's ... and I ... and it's mothers' fault, it's mothers' fault, 'cause see, when Mother's Day comes around, fathers go in their pocket deep.

Go in their pocket deep.

"Hey, I want to get my mama something", you ... cash that money out.

You know what mothers do?

"Hey, I want to get Daddy something."

"Well, go in that car, there's some change in my little cup holder in there."

Don't nobody even have a sale for Father's Day--who has a Father's Day sale?

Mother's Day sale, it's like 30 of them.

Everybody have Mother's Day sale.

Don't nobody have no Father's Day sale.

Who has a Father's Day sale?

The Dollar Store.

That's how you get water hose and jumper cables for fathers ...

And the store's notice, cuz now, the store got a little trick for fathers.

They make little packages, where they, it's a little box.

It gives you suspenders, socks, and a shirt.

One box.

And you know what kids do?

They give you that stuff throughout the year.

They give that shirt for Father's Day, them socks for your birthday, and then they just randomly give you something else as, you know, they think about it.

It's crazy--Father's Day sucks!

And I'm a father.

I did all this work to be a father, for the suck.