Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • ♪ ♪ ♪

  • >> James: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

  • YOU KNOW, DURING THIS BIZARRE TIME, I THINK WE ALL WISH WE

  • COULD RETURN TO SOME SENSE OF NORMALCY AND DO THE THINGS WE

  • LOVE, LIKE GOING TO THE MOVIES, HAVING DINNER PARTIES, PAYING

  • FOR YOUR SHOW WITH INCLUSIVE SPONSORSHIPS.

  • THAT'S WHY I WAS SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT EVEN IN THE MIDST OF

  • ALL THIS INSANITY, WE HAVE A SPONSORED SEGMENT TONIGHT.

  • IT'S FROM THE GOOD FOLKS AT PANERA BREAD.

  • PANERA: FOOD AS IT SHOULD BE...

  • BREAD.

  • AND THEY'RE A PERFECT SPONSOR FOR THE MOMENT, BECAUSE SO MANY

  • PEOPLE HAVE TURNED TO BAKING DURING THIS CRISIS.

  • AND THE RESULTS HAVE, WELL, BEEN MIXED.

  • TAKE BRITISH POLITICIAN HEIDI ALLEN, WHO LEFT HER COOKIES IN

  • THE OVEN A BIT TOO LONG.

  • OF COURSE, YOU BURN YOUR BISCUITS ON "THE GREAT BRITISH

  • BAKE-OFF" AND LEGALLY THE QUEEN CAN HAVE YOU BEHEADED.

  • ANOTHER PERSON ON TWITTER BAKED THIS LOAF OF BREAD THAT WAS SO

  • HARD, SHE COULDN'T CUT IT WITH AN AXE.

  • NO SURPRISE THERE.

  • REAL BAKERS KNOW, TO CUT YOUR SOURDOUGH, YOU SHOULD USE A

  • SERRATED LOAF HATCHET.

  • I EVEN FAILED MYSELF.

  • THIS IS MY VERY OWN TUB OF FAILED SOURDOUGH STARTER.

  • IF THIS CRISIS HAS TAUGHT ME ONE THING IT'S THAT YOU MAY NOT BE

  • ABLE TO MAKE YOUR OWN BREAD, BUT YOU CAN ALWASY MAKE YOUR OWN

  • DRYWALL SPACKLE.

  • HEY, BAKING ISN'T ALWAYS EASY.

  • AND THERE'S NO NEED TO WASTE THE TIME, THE INGREDIENTS, OR A

  • PERFECTLY GOOD AXE.

  • LEAVE THAT TO THE PROFESSIONALS AT PANERA.

  • AFTER ALL, BREAD IS IN THEIR NAME.

  • IS "BREAD" IN YOUR NAME?

  • AND, YES, BRAD PITT, YOU'RE JUST ONE LETTER OFF FROM "BREAD

  • PITT," BUT YOU CLEARLY HAVEN'T TOUCHED A CARB IN 25 YEARS.

  • SO LET THE PROS HANDLE IT FROM HERE.

  • AND SINCE THIS IS NATIONAL NURSE'S AND TEACHER'S WEEK,

  • PANERA CAN HELP YOU THANK HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONALS AND

  • TEACHERS ON THE FRONT LINES.

  • YOU CAN ORDER PANERA FOR DELIVERY TO HOSPITALS, HOMES, OR

  • ANYWHERE YOU KNOW THERE'S SOMEONE WHO NEEDS IT.

  • AND THOSE DELIVERIES COME WITH THE FAMOUS PANERA GUARANTEE THAT

  • ALL THEIR FOOD CAN BE ENJOYED WITHOUT FORESTRY TOOLS.

  • SPEAKING OF THANKING PEOPLE, IT'S JUST FOUR DAYS UNTIL

  • MOTHER'S DAY, WHICH MEANS IT'S THREE DAYS UNTIL YOU START

  • PANIC-GOOGLING "24-HOUR FLORISTS."

  • BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS SEND THE MOM IN YOUR LIFE A CARD.

  • AND SINCE IT'S HARDER TO GATHER IN PERSON THIS YEAR, THOSE CARDS

  • WILL MATTER MORE THAN EVER.

  • THE THING IS, THE PEOPLE WHO WRITE GREETING CARDS DON'T

  • ALWAYS GET IT RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY.

  • SO WE'RE TAKING A LOOK AT SOME OF THEIR EARLY ATTEMPTS IN OUR

  • RECURRING HOLIDAY SEGMENT, "FIRST DRAFTS!"

  • >> NO, STUPID!

  • >> Stephen: AS ALWAYS, WHEN DOING FIRST DRAFTS FOR MOTHER'S

  • DAY, I NEED A MOM VOLUNTEER FROM THE AUDIENCE TO COME UP AND HELP

  • ME.

  • LET'S SEE.

  • UM, MISS?

  • WOULD YOU HELP ME?

  • >> HI!

  • >> Stephen: THIS IS MY WIFE, EVIE.

  • SAY HELLO.

  • >> HI.

  • >> Stephen: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, FIRST OF ALL,.

  • >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

  • >> Stephen: NORMALLY, WE WOULD TAKE YOU OUT FOR A MOTHER'S DAY

  • BRUNCH, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

  • >> NOT REALLY.

  • WE NEVER DO THAT.

  • >> Stephen: WE'VE NEVER DONE THAT.

  • I DON'T KNOW WHY I SAID THAT.

  • WHAT DO WE NORMALLY DO?

  • >> COFF NEBED, THAT'S ALL I ASK FOR.

  • >> Stephen: COFFEE IN BED.

  • FOR YEARS I MADE YOU SCONES.

  • >> EXACTLY.

  • >> Stephen: AND THE GIRLS-- THE GIRL.

  • >> WE HAVE ONE GIRL, TWO BOYS.

  • >> Stephen: THE KIDS WOULD BRING YOU BREAKFAST IN BED.

  • >> YOU'RE NERVOUS.

  • >> Stephen: I AM A LITTLE NERVOUS TO HAVE YOU ON HERE.

  • I WANT THIS TO BE A GOOD EXPERIENCE FOR YOU.

  • >> I'LL COME BACK.

  • >> Stephen: YOU'LL COME BACK, GOOD.

  • >> I LIVE HERE.

  • >> Stephen: HAVE YOU SEEN "FIRST DRAFTS" BEFORE?

  • >> I HAVE.

  • >> Stephen: SO YOU KNOW HOW THIS WORKS.

  • >> Stephen: I DO.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT I HAVE IN MY HAND IS A GREETING CARD, AND THE

  • GREETING CARD UNDERNEATH THAT WAS THE FIRST DRAFT THAT WAS NOT

  • SUCCESSFUL AND WAS NOT SOLD.

  • >> OKAY.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT I NEED YOU TO DO WOULD YOU HAND ME-- AND I

  • ASK-- WOULD YOU HAND ME THE GREETING CARD AND I'LL SHOW THE

  • PEOPLE AND WE'LL DO THE BIT.

  • >> HOW DO YOU WANT ME TO HAND IT TO YOU, FACE-UP.

  • >> Stephen: YOU CAN JUST HAND IT TO ME.

  • I'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

  • HOW IS THE DOG?

  • >> HE'S TRYING.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S GOOD.

  • THAT WILL MAKE US GO FAST.

  • THAT WILL MAKE IT GO FASTER.

  • >> YOU REALIZE THE WHOLE FAMILY IS IN THIS ROOM.

  • >> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND.

  • CAN I HAVE THE FIRST CARD PLEASE.

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: THIS IS A LOVELY ONE.

  • IT SAYS, "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MOM, YOU'RE IRREPLACEABLE."

  • >> THAT'S VERY NICE.

  • >> Stephen: IT'S TRUE.

  • >> VERY SWEET.

  • VERY SWEET.

  • >> Stephen: IT'S TRUE.

  • >> VERY SWEET.

  • >> Stephen: THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY...

  • I UNSUCCESSFULLY TRIED TO BARTER YOU FOR A CASE OF CLOROX WIPES."

  • >> ACTUALLY, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

  • YOU CAN'T GET THOSE.

  • >> Stephen: NO, YOU CAN'T GET THOSE RIGHT NOW, NO.

  • >> OH, I LIKE THIS ONE.

  • >> Stephen: THIS ONE HAS A LOVELY YOGA LADY ON IT THERE.

  • A FUN MOM MEDITATING WITH A GLASS OF WINE AND IT SAYS,

  • "WINEFULNESS."

  • THAT'S FUNNY.

  • >> VERY FUNNY.

  • VERY FUNNY.

  • .>> Stephen: BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "NAMA-STAY AWAY FROM

  • MOMMY.

  • HE'S OPENING HER MERLOT CHAKRA."

  • >> THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

  • >> Stephen: YOU'RE MORE OF A WHITE WINE LADY, ANYWAY.

  • HERE'S ONE THAT SAYS, "YOU'RE THE NUMBER ONE MOM.

  • AND INSIDE IT SAYS, "THERE'S JUST NO CONTEST."

  • >> VERY NICE.

  • >> Stephen: BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "YOU'RE THE NUMBER

  • ONE MOM BECAUSE, FRANKLY, I HAVEN'T SEEN ANOTHER WOMAN IN

  • MONTHS, SO THERE'S NO BASIS FOR COMPARISON."

  • IT'S TRUE.

  • HOW'S-- HOW'S QUARANTINING GOING FOR YOU SO FAR?

  • >> QUARANTINING IS GOING VERY WELL.

  • >> Stephen: IS IT, REALLY?

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: SO YOU'RE FINE WITH IT CONTINUING.

  • >> THIS HAS BEEN KIND OF FUN.

  • THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE PUT ON REAL CLO CLOTHES AND MAYO

  • CLINIC UP IN EIGHT WEEKS SO THANK YOU.

  • >> Stephen: I'M AGREEMENTFUL FOR CASTING YOU TODAY.

  • I'M NOT SURE WHO THIS PERSON I HAVE BEEN LIVING WITH IS.

  • HERE'S ONE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.

  • WHAT'S YOUR SECRET, MOM?" >> UH-HUH.

  • >> Stephen: HERE'S THE FIRST DRAFT: "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.

  • WHY DOES A MYSTERIOUS MAN NAMED SERGIO KEEP SAYING HE'S MY REAL

  • FATHER?" THAT'S SERGIO.

  • I LIKE SERGIO.

  • >> YOU NEVER KNOW, SERGIO.

  • >> Stephen: SERGIO.

  • WOULD YOU LIKE TO JUST, LIKE, BE ABLE-- WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ABLE

  • TO GO OFF AND DO YOUR OWN THING FOR MOTHER'S DAY, BUT YOU CAN'T.

  • >> YOU CAN'T GO ANYWHERE.

  • >> Stephen: YOU CAN'T LEAVE US.

  • IF YOU COULD DO ANYTHING, FIRST DAY OUT OF QUARANTINE, WHAT

  • WOULD YOU WANT TO DO?

  • >> YOGA CLASS.

  • >> Stephen: REALLY?

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: I WOULD GO VISIT YOUR EXPARNTS GIVE THEM A HUG.

  • THERE YOU GO.

  • BECAUSE I LOVE THEM.

  • >> WELL, I SEE THEM -- >> Stephen: NO, NO, NO!

  • NICE TRY.

  • >>ALL RIGHT.

  • >> Stephen: BETTER... SON.

  • HERE'S ANOTHER ONE: "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.

  • MOM, YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING."

  • >> YEAH, I LIKE THAT, THAT IS GOOD.

  • >> Stephen: YOU LIKE THAT ONE.

  • BUT HERE'S THE FIRST DRAFT: "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.

  • HOW DID YOU KNOW MY WIFE WAS NAILING HER YOGA TEACHER?"

  • >> I'M SORRY ABOUT THE YOGA COMMENT EARLIER.

  • NOW IT'S NOT FUNNY.

  • >> Stephen: NO, IT'S NOT-- IT MIGHT BE FUNNIER.

  • IT MIGHT BE FUNNIER NOW.

  • >> I DON'T KNOW.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK-- WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY

  • NEW OUTFITS BECAUSE I'M NOT WEARING THE SUITS?

  • >> I LIKE THE "MAN IN BLACK THING."

  • >> Stephen: YOU LIKE THE JOHNNY CASH.

  • THANK YOU.

  • YOU ARE REALLY A WONDERFUL MOTHER.

  • >> THANK YOU.

  • >> Stephen: JAWRNG ISN'T SHE A WONDERFUL MOTHER?

  • >> WHAT'S HE GOING TO SAY.

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: THANK YOU.

  • ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SAY, "YES."

  • OKAY.

  • >> THIS DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A MOTHER'S DAY CARD.

  • >> Stephen: LET ME FINISH.

  • I HAVEN'T READ ANY OF IT.

  • YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT SAYS ON THE CARD.

  • PREJUDGING.

  • IMPROV.

  • OKAY.

  • HERE'S A PLAYFUL ONE.

  • THERE'S THE IMAGE, THAT'S NOT MOTHERLY, EVIDENTLY.

  • AND "HAPPY MUMMY'S DAY."

  • >> I GET IT.

  • VERY CLEVER.

  • >> Stephen: THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, ""I'VE GOT SOME WEIRD

  • PLANS FOR YOUR FUNERAL."

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ROBERT DE NIRO.

  • THANK YOU SO MUCH.

  • I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOURSELF.

  • >> MY PLEASURE.

  • I ENJOYED IT OH, MY PLEASURE.

  • CAN I SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

  • >> Stephen: SURE.

  • >> SO YOU KNOW HOW I WANT TO CLEAN THIS ROOM ALL THE TIME.

  • >> Stephen: YES,.

  • >> SO I WENT IN HERE TODAY, TRIED TO CLEAN IT UP, AND I

  • FOUND SOMETHING I WANT TO SHOW YOU FOR MOTHER'S DAY.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU FIND?

  • >> HOLD ON.

  • I THINK IT'S GOOD FOR MOTHER'S DAY.

  • >> Stephen: OH!

  • >> ISN'T THAT SWEET?

  • >> Stephen: THIS IS GREAT.

  • THIS IS-- I MADE THIS FOR MY MOM-- WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS?

  • >> IN THE DRAWER DOWN THERE.

  • >> Stephen: I MADE THIS FOR MY MOM-- I'LL PUT IT RIGHT HERE ON

  • THIS SHOT.

  • >> I LOVE IT.

  • >> Stephen: I MADE A VEGETABLE CYPRESS PEA FOR MY MOM WHEN I

  • WAS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

  • IT WAS A HELL OF A SOUP.

  • >> HELL OF A SOUP?

  • >> Stephen: YEAH.

  • >> IT'S CARROT, ONION, POTATO, CELERY.

  • MEAT, TOMATO, OKRA?

  • IS THAT OKRA?

  • >> >> Stephen: THAT'S OKRA,

  • YEAH.

  • >> CORN, BUTTER BEANS, GREEN BEANS AND 53S.

  • YOU WENT FOR ALL OF THAT,.

  • >> Stephen: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, EVERYBODY.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

  • ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪

Subtitles and vocabulary

Operation of videos Adjust the video here to display the subtitles

B1 TheLateShow stephen mother day mother panera sergio

Late Show First Drafts: Mother's Day 2020

  • 2 0
    林宜悉 posted on 2020/05/13
Video vocabulary