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  • -Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the attic.

  • Last week you may recall we addressed speculation

  • about the sudden disappearance of my copy of "The Thorn Birds,"

  • the 1977 Australian romance novel that inspired

  • the hit 1983 miniseries

  • starring a frequently shirtless Richard Chamberlain.

  • In 1983, it turns out that was the exact right amount

  • of chest hair for a leading man.

  • Chamberlain never would have survived in these hairless times

  • we're living in, where our sex symbols are all Chrises

  • with chests smooth enough to eat off.

  • Anyway, the point is, I left the window open overnight

  • to get rid of the wasps, but then "The Thorn Birds"

  • flew out, we think, because it's mating season.

  • But as you can see, Thorny is back

  • and maybe with child? Impossible to tell.

  • Meanwhile, the president is pregnant with rage --

  • that's a segue, a bad one, but technically still a segue --

  • and decided to give up in the fight against coronavirus

  • in order to reopen the economy.

  • For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."

  • ♪♪

  • You would think that putting aside his venality,

  • his narcissism, and his deadly incompetence,

  • Donald Trump could at the very least muster

  • a little empathy for the victims of this pandemic,

  • their loved ones, and the millions

  • who have put themselves in harm's way,

  • lost jobs, or made tremendous personal sacrifices

  • during this crisis.

  • But of course, he can't do that,

  • because he's incapable of empathy.

  • He only has two emotions -- boredom and rage.

  • He's either staring off into the distance

  • while someone talks about complex policy details

  • or hissing at reporters like a snake

  • whose nest was just disturbed.

  • In fact, just listen to the cold, detached way in which

  • Trump talked about allowing Americans to die

  • in order to reopen the economy

  • and the 30 million people who have lost jobs

  • because of his handling of this crisis

  • during an interview on ABC yesterday.

  • -Do you believe that's the reality we're facing?

  • That lives will be lost to reopen the country?

  • -It's possible there will be some, because you won't be

  • locked into an apartment or a house or whatever it is.

  • -There are 30 million Americans who are unemployed.

  • You don't need me to tell you that.

  • We're expecting the new unemployment rate this week.

  • There have been forecasts, 15, 16, 17%.

  • One of your advisers projected an unemployment rate of 19%.

  • That's nearly one in five Americans without a job.

  • How bad is this going to get?

  • -Well, that is what it is.

  • -Wow. What soaring words.

  • It reminds me of Martin Luther King's

  • "I slept pretty good last night" speech.

  • Or FDR's famous response when they told him

  • about Pearl Harbor -- "Well, [bleep] happens."

  • Usually when someone is that soulless and dead-eyed,

  • you're not asking them questions about the economy,

  • you're holding up a Rorschach test.

  • "And what is this, Donald?"

  • [ As Trump ] "It is what it is.

  • "Very, very interesting. Okay, guards,

  • you can put him back in his restraints now."

  • "Oh, I don't think the guards can hear you."

  • "Donald, what have you done?"

  • Yesterday Trump also made his first major trip in months

  • to tour a Honeywell factory in Arizona, a trip that gave us

  • what may end up as one of the enduring images of this crisis.

  • Trump toured a mask factory as his White House signaled

  • they were basically just giving up

  • on suppressing the coronavirus pandemic

  • to focus on reopening the economy instead.

  • And has he was doing that,

  • someone chose to blast "Live and Let Die"

  • on the speakers.

  • -The material traps the particulates.

  • -♪ Live and let die

  • ♪♪

  • -Wow. Welcome to the resistance,

  • Honeywell factory floor deejay?

  • Doesn't get much more on the nose than that.

  • What were the other songs on that play list?

  • -♪ It's the end of the world as we know it

  • It's the end of the world as we know it

  • -You can hear all those classic hits and more

  • on "Now That's What I Call Symbolism."

  • "Live and Let Die" playing while Trump tours a mask factory

  • during a pandemic is the surest sign yet

  • that we're living in a video game.

  • And if we are in a video game, does anyone have the cheat code

  • to get rid of wasps?

  • Because I tried up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right,

  • B, A, start, and that just made them angrier.

  • Anyway, sure enough, during that same trip,

  • Trump brushed off the growing death toll

  • and said he was eager to force Americans

  • back to work prematurely,

  • telling them to think of themselves as participants

  • in an armed conflict.

  • -And you see what's going on. They have to open.

  • And the people of our country should think of themselves

  • as warriors.

  • Our country has to open.

  • I'm viewing our great citizens of this country

  • to a certain extent and to a large extent as warriors.

  • They're warriors.

  • We can't keep our country closed.

  • We have to open our country.

  • The people of our country are warriors.

  • And I'm looking at it.

  • I'm not saying anything is perfect.

  • And yes, will some people be affected? Yes.

  • Will some people be affected badly? Yes.

  • But we have to get our country open,

  • and we have to get it open soon.

  • And I said it before and I'll say it again.

  • The people of our country are warriors.

  • -That's right, Trump wants you -- you to be a warrior

  • while he sits safely in isolation in the White House.

  • "I would join in, but I feel another bone spur coming on,

  • which is devastating to me, because the last one happened

  • right before the Vietnam War.

  • I mean, what are the chances that it happens again now?

  • I mean --"

  • This is truly sadistic.

  • The president is telling you to go out and face off

  • against a deadly virus all for the sake of the stock market.

  • The only way that could be more out of touch is if he said it

  • while dousing himself in Purell

  • and holding a 36-pack of toilet paper.

  • Every day it seems we pass a grim new milestone

  • in the coronavirus pandemic, with more than 70,000 Americans

  • now dead and at least 30 million out of work,

  • which, according to Trump means it's a perfect time

  • to stand down and wrap things up.

  • -We can't keep our country closed for the next five years.

  • You know, you could say there might be a recurrence,

  • and there might be.

  • And, you know, most doctors, or some doctors say

  • that it will happen.

  • And it will be a flame and we're going to put the flame out.

  • We've learned a lot, you know.

  • We've learned a lot about the coronavirus.

  • -First of all, who's "we"? You haven't learned anything.

  • Whenever the doctors are up there talking,

  • you do that thing where you zone out

  • and sway back and forth like a drunk guy

  • who's trying to pretend he's sober.

  • And then you get back up to the podium having only heard, like,

  • three words and try to sound like you know what's going on.

  • "So what I'm hearing is -- what I grasped when the scientists

  • were talking, is that powerful lights will cure the coronavirus

  • and give you superpowers.

  • You know, I saw that in a documentary once.

  • Only down -- turns you green.

  • That's the downside side effect.

  • So still -- still pretty promising news."

  • You are incapable of learning.

  • You showed up to the CDC in Atlanta surrounded by

  • some of the best doctors in the world and all you did

  • was hold up a printout of a virus like a kid

  • who forgot to do his science project until the last minute.

  • "As you can see here, the virus is called Wikipedia.

  • Side effects include further reading and external links."

  • Although actually I will give Trump credit.

  • In the span of two months, he did at least learn one thing --

  • the name of the virus.

  • -So you can't put them down in the, uh, in the category

  • of the overall population in terms of this, uh, corona flu.