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  • - Hi!

  • I'm here for my annual physical.

  • I haven't been in years

  • because I didn't have health insurance.

  • - Great.

  • Fill out this stack of paperwork

  • that you know none of the information for

  • and wait an hour after your

  • scheduled appointment to be seen.

  • - Really?

  • An hour, even though there's literally no one else here?

  • - Mhmm.

  • - Step on in.

  • Time for a canned joke about gaining weight.

  • (laughing)

  • - I am laughing but I tie a lot of my personal value

  • to the number on the scale, and if it's too high

  • I'm gonna be devastated.

  • Hey, can I waste your time by acting

  • like taking off my jacket's gonna

  • make any difference at all?

  • I don't wanna tear this paper,

  • but I don't know why I give a shit

  • because it's just paper.

  • - Hi, I know that you waited long,

  • but I'm still gonna say that I hope you didn't.

  • - Oh, that's okay.

  • I've just been on my cellphone despite all the signs

  • telling me not to.

  • - Now I know what you're thinking,

  • and yes, I am younger than you.

  • - Oh, yeah, that's what I thought.

  • Well, now I'm wondering are you qualified,

  • but also, what am I doing with my life?

  • (laughing)

  • - Let's get started.

  • Tell me everything that's wrong with your family.

  • Interesting.

  • Now you could have all of that or none of that,

  • either way, most likely we won't be able

  • to tell until it's too late.

  • - Oh, okay.

  • - Now I can tell just by looking at you

  • how much you exercise, but, I'm still gonna have to ask.

  • - Every day, but I do consider walking

  • from the couch to the toilet exercise.

  • - Great, while you're lying, let's talk

  • about how much you drink.

  • - Oh god, the real number shocks even me,

  • but if I say it out loud,

  • it's kinda cementing a problem, right?

  • So let's just say one or two times a week.

  • - Shit-faced every weekend, gotcha.

  • Can't believe I have to ask this one, but do you smoke?

  • Or were you not clear that that's a terrible thing

  • to do to your body?

  • - I do smoke, but only weed, and since I was

  • so honest about that, I don't feel bad

  • about lying about that other stuff.

  • - Cool, well all of that doesn't tell me really much

  • of anything, so let's get you checked out.

  • - Okay.

  • - 120 over 80.

  • - Oh good, I have no idea what that means.

  • - And breathe like a weirdo.

  • (gasping)

  • - Ah.

  • - Gross.

  • Anything else before you leave?

  • - I guess there's this one tiny thing

  • that bothers me every day, but I do nothing about it.

  • - Let me write you a prescription for that

  • so that this annual physical that's supposed

  • to be covered by your insurance is now a consultation visit

  • that you have to pay for.

  • - Oh.

  • - But don't worry, you won't find out

  • until you get the bill in the mail.

  • - Oh, well thank you so much.

  • I'll see you never again.

- Hi!

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A2 US laughing insurance lying annual smoke exercise

Honest Trip to the Doctor

  • 6 0
    luna.chou posted on 2020/05/12
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