Name: Meanwhile... It Might Be Time To Take Harrison Ford's (Airplane) Keys
Uploaded: 2020-05-02T18:37:15.000Z
Duration: 6 min 50 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

>> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME BACK TO "THE

AND PLEASE SAY HELLO TO OUR FRIEND JON BATISTE.

I'M THINKING OF COOKING SOME RED BEANS AND RICE.

MY MOM'S RECIPE, ONE OF THE PRODUCERS ON THE SHOW'S COOKED

UP A FEW AND I'M KIND OF GOING INTO A RED BEANS BATTLE WITH

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DRY ICE HIM MY PLATE.

>> Jon: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT WE CALL IT, THE RED BEAN THROW

AND YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE THE RIGHT INGREDIENTS AND I JUST GOT THEM

THEY MIGHT TURN BY THE TIME WE SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN, BUT I'LL

YOU KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN HERE MEASURING OUT THE FINEST

BARREL-AGED NEWS STORIES, TOSSING IN SOME HAND-BLENDED

AROMATIC BITTERS, THEN SHAKING AND STIRRING THEM INTO THE

UPSCALE HIPSTER APERITIF THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

BATHTUB WITH GRAIN ALCOHOL, STIR IN A HALF-FINISHED BOX OF

WELCH'S GRAPE JUICE AND A GLADE PLUG-IN, AND LET IT FESTER

A COUPLE WEEKS, TO CREATE THE RAIL-YARD HOOCH OF NEWS THAT IS

MY QUARANTINED MEANWHILE SEGMENT "QUARANTINE-WHILE!"

QUARANTINE-WHILE, EVEN THOUGH ALL OTHER SPORTS HAVE BEEN

SIDE-LINED, "SOMEHOW THE PANDEMIC HASN'T STOPPED SUMO

WELL, I BELIEVE MAKING THOSE MEN WRESTLE FOR THEIR ENTERTAINMENT

IS DANGEROUS AND IRRESPONSIBLE, AND JAPAN SHOULD GO BACK TO

IF THEY DON'T LET THEM OUT NOW AND THEN, THOSE SUMO WRESTLERS

ONE MAJOR U.S. BOOKMAKER SAID "HIS COMPANY DECIDED TO ADD SUMO

WRESTLING TO ITS SPORTS BETTING OFFERINGS BECAUSE IT WAS ONE OF

THE FEW PROFESSIONAL LEAGUES STILL OPERATING."

SO YOUR CO-WORKER WHO WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT FANTASY FOOTBALL, NOW

"I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW BAD FUJI-AZUMA SHANKED IT THIS

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M FIRED?!" SO THE SUMO CONTINUES, BUT

ONE FAN WATCHING THE MATCHES ON YOUTUBE FOUND THE EXPERIENCE

DIFFERENT, SAYING, "YOU COULD HEAR EVERYTHING.

YOU COULD HEAR THEM FART, YOU COULD HEAR GRUNTING, STUFF

YEAH, USUALLY TO HEAR FAT MEN FARTING AND GRUNTING WHILE

WATCHING SPORTS YOU HAVE TO GO TO A BUFFALO WILD WINGS.

QUARANTINE-WHILE, YESTERDAY MORNING, THERE WAS A FLYBY OF

EARTH BY THIS ASTEROID WHICH, OBSERVERS HAVE POINTED

OUT, HAS "FEATURES THAT MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THE ASTEROID

PROVING ONCE AGAIN, EVEN A LIFELESS, FROZEN ROCK IS SMARTER

QUARANTINE-WHILE, "IN WHAT MAY BE A MEDICAL FIRST, A WOMAN'S

SILICONE BREAST IMPLANTS HELPED DEFLECT A BULLET AND SAVE HER

SO STARTING NEXT YEAR, POLICE BULLETPROOF VESTS WILL BE

SLIGHTLY MODIFIED QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN MOON

NEWWWWWS, NASA HAS ANNOUNCED THEY WILL "SHOOT LASERS AT THE

WHEN THIS IS OVER, YOU KNOW THEY'RE GONNA BE PUSHING IT ON

"WOULD YOU LIKE TAP, SPARKLING, OR MOON?"

NASA'S PLAN IS TO CREATE "A SPACECRAFT THAT WILL USE ITS

NEAR-INFRARED LASERS TO SHINE LIGHT INTO SHADED POLAR

REGIONS ON THE MOON, WHILE AN ONBOARD REFLECTOMETER WILL

MEASURE SURFACE REFLECTION AND COMPOSITION."

WHICH SOUNDS VERY COMPLICATED, BUT NASA DID PROVIDE THIS

HELPFUL SIMULATION VIDEO OF THEIR MOON LASER:

( CRASHING SOUNDS ) QUARANTINE-WHILE, "CLOWNS,

JUGGLERS AND GYMNASTS IN A TRAVELING CIRCUS ARE STUCK IN A

IT'S NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SOCIALLY DISTANCE IN A CAR WITH

"I SAID SIX FEET, WAFFLES!" QUARANTINE-WHILE, "THE FEDERAL

AVIATION ADMINISTRATION IS INVESTIGATING AN AIRCRAFT

INCIDENT AT HAWTHORNE AIRPORT LAST FRIDAY INVOLVING ACTOR

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Meanwhile... It Might Be Time To Take Harrison Ford's (Airplane) Keys

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