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  • -Hey, everybody.

  • Welcome to another "Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

  • My name is Jimmy Fallon.

  • And, man, we've made it through another week.

  • I want to say this is 40-something days?

  • [ Chuckles ] That's -- That's how I can tell, yeah.

  • It's 40-something.

  • A lot of people are starting to crack a little bit,

  • maybe stressing out a little bit,

  • but I'm -- I'm hitting my point a little bit.

  • I'm going a little crazy, but I think

  • let's not be the exception to the rule.

  • I think we are Americans, but I think, as Americans,

  • let's let people -- let's get out of the way

  • for people that need to do stuff, they can do stuff.

  • And soon, I'm promising you,

  • we're gonna get through this together.

  • And when we come back, we'll be stronger and better than ever.

  • But this is a time where we just got to get each other's back

  • and know that we're all going through this together.

  • So, thank you again for watching,

  • and I want to thank my daughter for drawing this

  • and kind of misspelling my own name now.

  • I just -- at this point, everybody's distracted.

  • I get it.

  • Let's make some jokes.

  • Guys, it's Friday, which means

  • it's time to celebrate the end of another long week

  • with a Lysoltini!

  • Ow-ooh!

  • Who knows? Maybe I'll have a "sex on the bleach."

  • I don't know. Let's just see where the night takes me.

  • During his press conference last night,

  • President Trump suggested that

  • the virus could be killed by injecting disinfectants.

  • Even the mayor of Las Vegas was like,

  • "That sounds dangerous."

  • Trump also suggested using heat

  • or a very powerful light on the body

  • to kill the virus.

  • Trump was like, "That's why I stared

  • directly into the eclipse."

  • But, today, Trump said that

  • his comments on ingesting disinfectants were sarcastic.

  • When he heard that, Chandler Bing was like,

  • "Could you be any more out of it?"

  • Guys, last night was the start of the NFL Draft,

  • and general managers tried to re-create their offices at home,

  • but not everyone had the same setup.

  • For instance, here's the 49ers' GM's setup.

  • And here's Bill Belichick's setup.

  • He looks like a dad comparing flights for a trip to Reno.

  • [ Laughs ]

  • He looks like a dad trying to figure out

  • how to get photos from his old laptop onto his new laptop.

  • Hey, Churchill Downs announced that

  • it will air a virtual, computer-simulated version

  • of the Kentucky Derby.

  • Not only is the Derby going virtual,

  • but it seems like the virus has even affected

  • which horses are racing.

  • For example, there's Reluctant Zoomer.

  • Then there's SweatPrance.

  • There's also Join with Audio.

  • Then there's Masked Millie.

  • And, of course, See It (ButDon'tTouch) It Biscuit.

  • Good luck to all of those virtual horses.

  • Check this out --

  • Pillsbury announces that their cookie dough

  • will soon to be safe to eat either baked or raw.

  • Americans heard that and were like,

  • "What do you mean by 'soon'?"

  • A little space work.

  • That's cookie dough space work.

  • Hey, here's some good news --

  • actor Richard Gere is the father of a new baby boy.

  • Yeah. He's 70 years old,

  • which is why the boy's first words

  • will either be "Mama" or "Grandpa."

  • A new survey found that only 18% of couples in quarantine

  • are satisfied with communication with their partner.

  • The remaining 82% didn't really want to talk about it.

  • And, finally, scientists say that,

  • next week, a giant asteroid

  • is expected to just miss colliding with Earth.

  • People on Earth heard that and were like,

  • "I'll take anything to get me out of this Zoom meeting."

  • Ha ha! There you go.

  • That's our monologue, everybody.

  • We have a great show tonight.

  • Oh, my gosh. These guys are on fire.

  • I love them so much. The Jonas Brothers are on.

  • They secretly dropped this thing last night at midnight

  • called "Happiness Continues."

  • It's on Amazon Prime Video.

  • We'll be talking to the three -- the three kids and figure out --

  • I guess they're not even kids anymore.

  • Gosh, they have families now.

  • But we will be talking to the Jonas Brothers.

  • I love those guys --

  • always working hard and doing something different.

  • We'll talk about the new album, and we're going to play a game

  • of quarantine admissions -- let's just say that.

  • [Chuckling] Things -- Things we've done in quarantine

  • that we're afraid to admit.

  • Also on the show, we have

  • host of "NBC Nightly News" and NBC "Dateline" --

  • he also has a "Nightly News: Kids Edition"

  • that you should check out on YouTube.

  • Lester Holt is on the show tonight.

  • We love having Lester on the show.

  • And musical guests -- from our Scottish friends CHVRCHES.

  • We love CHVRCHES so much!

  • ♪♪

  • -Wepa!

  • -Hey, guys, it's Friday. [ Applauds ]

  • That's right -- it's Friday, and that's usually

  • when I send out my "thank you" notes to everybody.

  • -I know it's Friday! -So -- You did?

  • How did you know it was Friday?

  • -Because -- Because, um, I don't have -- You know what?

  • Only on Fridays and Saturdays, I don't have --

  • I don't need to do Raz-Kids.

  • -Oh, the reading? -Yeah.

  • -Okay, yeah. Only on Fridays and Saturdays.

  • But every -- the rest of the week, you're always --

  • -Yeah.

  • -That's how you know it's Friday.

  • -Uh-huh. -Yep.

  • Well, how about --

  • Also, we send out "thank you" notes on Fridays, don't we?

  • -Yeah. -No.

  • -What did you say, Fran? -"No."

  • -Okay.

  • So, we do send out "thank you" notes.

  • Do you want me to do your job?

  • -No, I want to do my job. -Okay, thank you.

  • Alright, can I get

  • some "thank you" note writing music, please, Frannie?

  • [ Music plays ] -Daddy.

  • ♪♪

  • -That's just -- There you go.

  • Thank you so much.

  • Thank you, Bill de Blasio -- [ Laughter ]

  • Winnie, do you want to press the screen?

  • -I'm busy coloring.

  • -[ Chuckles ]

  • -Okay.

  • ♪♪

  • Yeah, I know, Frannie. Guess what --

  • I took the boos off of that thing so you can't boo me.

  • [ Laughs ] Yee! Daddy wins again!

  • -No.

  • ♪♪

  • -Thank you -- -[ Speaking indistinctly ]

  • Pbht! [ Laughs ]

  • -You could make your own sound effects, I guess.

  • Yeah. Alright, let's go. Ready?

  • Give me some music.

  • Can you sit up, please, guys?

  • -Boo!

  • [ Laughs ] I made it.

  • Boo!

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Oh.

  • -Boo! [ Laughter ]

  • -How'd you -- How'd you learn how to do that button?

  • -Boo!

  • -How did she learn to do that? -I do not know.

  • -Alright, can you give me some piano music, please, please?

  • -Boo! Boo! [ Laughter ]

  • -Thank you... -Boo!

  • -...Bill de Blasio, for announcing that

  • New York's 4th of July fireworks show will go on --

  • or, as dogs put it, "2020 literally could not get worse."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Boo! [ Laughter ]