Name: Jimmy Kimmel’s Quarantine Monologue – Trump & Vegas Mayor Compete for Who's Crazier
Uploaded: 2020-04-23T19:51:46.000Z
Duration: 8 min 35 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Greetings to those of you who joined me earlier tonight on who wants to be a millionaire.

We're beaming to you from my house, which is where I spend every minute of my life.

If nothing else, this experience of being cooped up has taught me that I would never survive face.

Three days into the mission, I'd be in the escape pod trying to find a Costco on the moon.

Now, like not long after midnight last night, we got hit with an earthquake.

I was in bed there, got up early and woke everyone up like a five year old on her birthday.

Today I will say that was scary because the epicenter was close by.

It was in town, but it was kind of refreshing toe worry about being killed by something else for a change.

Donald Trump celebrated Earth Day today with a shovel.

The president, the first lady, and Mike and Karen pence gathered on the South Lawn to dig a hole, bury his hair in look at how natural they are doing physical labor in their suits and heels.

They don't dig too close to her escape tunnel.

So at the planning, the second lady, Karen Pence, was asked to say a few words.

And it was refreshing because finally, someone in this administration is speaking truth while this tree makes the Earth better and stronger.

We talked a lot about mental health, and that's an issue that I know.

The first lady has been dealing with her whole time that she's been first lady boy as she she has been dealing with it the whole time since she said, I do.

The director of the Center for Disease Control, Dr Robert Redfield, says there could be a second wave of the virus later this year that might be worse than this one, because it would coincide with flu season.

Our medical resource is even thinner than they already are.

The next version of the virus could be like the Matrix Reloaded just a popular but worse good news is, Well, there is no good news, and we're getting mixed messages from our government.

But our president says Go get a tattoo in a bus station.

And that has given rise to stay at home protests around the country, even though the CDC has been very clear, saying Americans should avoid gatherings of any kind.

The guy in charge of them seems to think they're totally fine.

And I've watched some of the protests not in great detail, but I seen that.

And they're separated there, a lot of space in between.

And then they watching, believe it or not, social doing, social distancing if you can believe it and they are and they're protesting.

But that there, uh, groups I've seen have been very much spread out.

Look at how very much spread out these protesters in Raleigh.

Do not tell me not to yell you ungrateful little.

You think these fireworks are going to sell out of the trunk of the car themselves, but as ridiculous as this president is, he's not alone.

He got a run for his money today from the mayor of Las Vegas.

Kelly was watching this interview and said, This woman is nuts.

Mayor Carolyn Goodman revealed her lunacy to Anderson Cooper and the whole country today.

She believes that Las Vegas is ready to open the casinos now.

I mean, hundreds of thousands of people coming there in casinos, smoking, drinking, touching slot machines, breathing circulated air and then returning home to states around America and countries around the world.

Doesn't that sound like a virus Petri dish?

I know what it's like to be with subways and on buses.

Don't believe there should be any social distancing.

That's up to them to figure out, I don't know.

If you watch that back, you can see the moment or Anderson Soul leaves his body.

She went on and she was like the You know, that dizzy neighbor.

You try to pretend you don't see when you're pulling into the garage.

The gist of what she was saying, Waas, why should we treat this virus any differently from anything else?

None of those were as infectious in Las Vegas.

You don't have people with Ebola on a casino floor.

If you don't know that well yet you do, because if you have a neighbor mind died from West Nile because the swimming pool on the next property was filled with mosquitoes and the people who had abandoned the house left the pool full.

We should reopen Vegas, reopen the casinos and drain the pools.

Somehow, she was elected last year with more than 80% of the vote in Las Vegas, and I can see why Mayor Goodman has a lot of thoughts.

And the one thing those thoughts have in common is that none of them make any sense.

How do you know until we have a control group.

We offered to be a control group Anybody knows anything about statistics knows that.

For instance, you have about your offering citizens of Las Vegas to be a control group to see if your theory on social distance Sam Nunn doesn't wrong, absolutely wrong.

I offered to be a control group and I was told by our statistician, You can't do that.

She isn't offering Las Vegas's as a control group.

She offered them as a control group, and they told her she can't.

Las Vegas elected every lady you've ever seen at a Baywatch slot machine to be their mayor.

Many, if not most, businesses around the country are shut down right now.

But there's one establishment in Bend, Oregon, that refuses to surrender to anything.

Not even the Corona virus can stop the last blockbuster on Earth.