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  • Hello lovely people! Hi! We are currently in Rome yay! Because it is my

  • birthday in two days time

  • and also that means the fifth year anniversary of our engagement

  • You are such a romantic. I know, what more romantic than Rome.

  • Ah... Romance.. Is that where is from? The word romance?

  • Anyway [laughs]

  • I feel like they're gonna be comments now going now my city is

  • actually the city of romance. They all stem from latin.

  • Doesn't everything?

  • Ok [laughs] Ok so there will

  • actually be video all about our wonderful travels in Rome but here is a

  • little video an interim video if you will about fear

  • Yeah that took a turn

  • Didn't it? Because interestingly as a couple

  • We're married if you're only just tuning in

  • Claudia is definitely I would say more of the fearful one, yeah don't

  • don't even remind that she can't watch horror movies

  • we can't even watch things that have minor peril. Yeah but like weirdly I put

  • that down to the fact I've got an active imagination. True. But so do you.

  • You can somehow compartmentalize fiction from reality whereas I'm like oh my gosh that

  • like alien creature is gonna be in my bathroom.

  • That's definitely gonna happen

  • isn't it Jesse? Jesse come with me, come with me!

  • having like... staying

  • in a new city in a new country and a new apartment

  • um we've rented an apartment we're not in a hotel. Yeah there's like I got a bit

  • freaked out on the first night when it started getting dark be fair we were

  • watching a Netflix program which was about some serial stalker. "You"

  • Not me, but I mean..

  • the programme is called 'You'. Sorry?

  • Oh sorry joke...

  • Yeah, they're all so there's a lot of artwork on the walls

  • which as Claudia pointed out have eyes. Every like I was like everyone in

  • here is looking at me and also there's like dismembered like lots of like those

  • heads and torsos and legs. It's modern art. Well there's a mixture of modern

  • and old it's actually very nice for an apartment. It's wonderful

  • you'll see more on the Rome video, but the point is slightly terrifying I've just

  • realized that there is a fish with a gaping mouth

  • Ah!

  • There's so many of these things!

  • It's just so many things to find you

  • You just have to have tunnel vision in this place.

  • especially at nighttime. As we were saying normally Claudia is the one I

  • would regard as the scared one but since the start of and I'm generally

  • quite chill, but since the start..

  • Unless I jump on on you. and then you will not stop screaming. Oh yeah.

  • I have a really strong startle reflex I can't control that at all if you

  • surprise me I scream like you are literally murdering me and I can't stop

  • screaming for at least five minutes. Whereas I don't really jump even if I

  • like stubbed my toe I don't like go and scream

  • It doesn't happen when I stub my toe.

  • Ok anyway. It's when someone else doing it.

  • Talking about fear again. Anyway, the point is generally aside from the jumpy thing

  • I'm fine and then 2020 hit the new decade and Wow am I just afraid of

  • everything, like I have a low-level fear constantly now. Oh. I know sad it is

  • Why? I don't know but I'd like it to stop

  • I mean I've never felt like this before

  • I feel really blue. I think it's January generally I take me quite like

  • I generally quite like January, it's my birthday month.

  • I've always felt like that in January. Like a low

  • level idea of like fear because it's like you've got like anticipation for

  • the year ahead like you know whether it be exams that year or you know for

  • basically like seven years of my life I had exams every May, every May or June so

  • every time January came round I was like 'oh my god'

  • Why do we put our children through that?

  • That's a really terrible idea when you think about it.

  • Their brains are just trying to grow they're just trying to

  • find out who they are and we're like no we're gonna put you through some stress.

  • Enjoy!

  • And then even if there isn't exams there's you know what you want to

  • achieve in that yeah you have what New Year's resolutions you're like putting

  • pressure on yourself. I think that's it I think that's my that's my issue I have

  • to make quite a big like work decision that I can't tell you about but the

  • point is in making it I know that I'm saying yes to some things but no to

  • other things and that I'm stopping some things and leaping in the

  • hope that these other things come to fruition

  • Opaque. Yeah.

  • [laugh]

  • so and that's it's scary. Am I making the right decision? Who knows! how can I know?

  • We're both the type of people who wish we had spoilers on life that would be

  • great. I would love to know the day that I die

  • Would you? yes that'll be amazing

  • I could live every day to the full. Also I'd be less scared

  • crossing the road because I know I wasn't gonna die that day. Unless you

  • knew that day you were gonna die you didn't have the like... know the how?

  • The facts of how or when exactly. That's fine it's just one day I'm gonna be scared

  • But would you then

  • not leave your house? Well I've seen "Final destination" okay it's not a where

  • Doesn't matter were you go, death will find you.

  • I don't like horror films! I know, it's alright, I'm sorry I mentioned it.

  • But yeah I just..I think it's a fear of failure.

  • Yeah, basically that's everyone's fear. Isn't it?

  • I guess so? Yeah

  • Yeah..

  • It's never really smacked me in the face like this before. I think it's just because the

  • first year of a new decade and it's supposed to be amazing and I have all

  • these amazing plans as you saw in my 2020 goals and wishes video there are

  • things big things that I really want to achieve and do this year

  • workwise, life wise. Well I mean what would your own advice be to yourself if

  • someone else was telling you this what would you say?

  • chill out

  • exactly take the pressure off yourself.

  • Yeah, it doesn't matter if you fail it's gonna be ok.

  • like I have such a bad fear of failure

  • I don't even let Claudia read my writing. I just really would love to publish

  • books but then I won't even let my wife read them. But then maybe you

  • need to analyze what is your definition of failure when it comes to different

  • aspects of your life because you know some people might consider like if I

  • went into town today dressed like this and no one complimented me on what I was

  • wearing how about that is that like a failure of choice of fashion that day?

  • You know there's lots of levels of failure. Well you should dress for yourself!

  • I mean like you aren't worried about that. Yeah it's funny I don't care people

  • stare at me everywhere I go all the time. it's just a thing

  • but then your fear of

  • failure of not being able to like publish this

  • book that you want to do it's never getting done because of the fear of it

  • Yes. Yeah I have a fear of starting it I have a fear of not starting it

  • It's just a fear.

  • So I mean I'm like if you don't even gonna let anyone read you anywhere

  • any and it's just type stuff you type up on your Mac and just do it. Yeah there's

  • a fear that I'm wasting my time because if no one reads it then it's wasted time

  • Oh my gosh.

  • oh I'm really irritating I'm quite aware I have had to live with this I think you

  • have to come up with like... An action plan?

  • Yes so you'd be like I'm going to dedicate one hour every Saturday

  • afternoon or you'd have to be as strict as that or like one hour every week but

  • then you might not do it say one hour every Sunday morning like at 10

  • a.m. I will write on my Mac or I will write whatever wherever.

  • Well I said it my goals and wishes that I was only gonna work six days a

  • week not seven and that one day week I was

  • gonna dedicate to writing so I think I might do it on a day that you're working

  • because I love you but I love you too much I love you so much I just want to

  • spend all my time with you. Yeah and quite needy... [laugh]

  • So you'd be writing and I'd be like 'what are you doing?'

  • If you don't give Claudia the attention she needs...

  • Can we go out now? What are you doing? Do you want to like...?

  • Attention!

  • Attentioon!

  • And then I'm like Ok honey, ok, we'll do the thing you want to do now, yeah.

  • So if I do it on a day were you are working

  • And I got Clara with me, Clara is really good like...

  • She makes me do stuff.

  • She's very good motivational speaker?

  • No [laugh]

  • She removes everything else from around me she's like I'm not gonna talk to you

  • You should be writing. Oh...

  • And then I'm like hey Clara did you...

  • Clara?

  • Clara?

  • Clara?

  • Cause she just ignores me.

  • Yeah see this is why we don't get things done when we review each other.

  • cuz we're like:

  • yeah we're obsessed with each other but it's amazing five and a

  • half years and still my number one obssesion. This takes us back around to why we are in Rome

  • why we're happy and in love and see no reason to be fearful!

  • Ohh.

  • This time next year

  • it'll be your birthday again and you're probably being like wow I achieved

  • so much this year! No, you probably won't you'll be like 'oh my god I have so much

  • more to achieve' I'll be like Oh God can you just like

  • [laugh]

  • To be fair yeah I mean I guess I have I have achieved in the last year.

  • Yeah you've done so well!

  • I know I made a photo book the other day and I didn't realize how much

  • I had done in 2019 until I made this bloody photo book and was like I need

  • more pages. That's what's nice about like consolidating your year in photos or

  • going through a diary that you've kept that's cuz it's like actually

  • I did a lot this year.

  • Yeah make a photo book every year highly recommend it's also

  • much easier than the thing I used to do we print out the individual photos and

  • then stick them in. Yeah but that's nice therapeutic. Yeah but then you go through

  • the trauma if you spent five hours sticking all of them in and then you

  • pick it up and they all fall out. Yeah that's true. That happened to me one year

  • That was great... Anyway we should round this up sure this is a video about

  • how it's okay to be scared and afraid and the people that you follow on the

  • internet that you think are doing really well are also scared and afraid and

  • think they're failures because that's the human condition!

  • But also, you shouldn't it's gonna be alright don't worry about it

  • We'll come back in a years time and everything will be okay. We'll just

  • have new goals though so there are always new things to achieve but we

  • should actually appreciate the things we finished and achieved. I used to like I

  • think that I held like a coping mechanism for when I was like really

  • like you know nervous and anxious or like fearful that you say about an

  • upcoming event or exam or situation I was gonna be in I would just think

  • basically like if you do something weekly like I for instance at the time

  • of my GCSE exams did a Pilates class every Wednesday evening.

  • That's fun. Yeah.

  • So I had some exams coming up on like the like Monday, Tuesday I think it was

  • and they were like the last I don't know I can't remember the exact but I just

  • remember that I thought to myself lying down in the Pilates class: this time next

  • week I will be lying down here having my Pilates class in this exact same room

  • and all of this stress will be gone, because that time will have passed.

  • You know? That's true.

  • Just thing like, like you say in your own phrases

  • This too shall pass.

  • Yeah.

  • And it will. It will!

  • So however bad something is or how stressed you are it will end.

  • Like there will be a time when that goes. Yes. And you have to allow yourself to

  • appreciate when there is very little stress or hardly any and enjoy that moment

  • because obviously life brings new stresses but just try and get yourself through each week.

  • See why am I giving out advice? You are normally the one filled with wisdom.

  • I'm not this is so weird for me I feel really weird and anxious but yeah maybe

  • in a week's time it will be gone and I'll feel better.

  • In a week from today it will be February and

  • February is always better than January

  • Will it? Yeah... [crickets sfx ]

  • [laugh ]

  • Anyway, we'll find out when this video goes out!

  • I love you!

  • I love you too!

  • Thank you for your advice.

  • If you too appreciate Claudia's advice please do subscribe

  • I mean this is the only advice video she's ever made on this channel but

  • She might make another!

  • Who knows?!

  • I'm sure I've given up for bits of advice sometimes helpful

  • I'm sure you have that

  • acutally, I'm so sorry please please correct me in the comments

  • anytime that Claudia's given you advice because I'm sure she has

  • if you like this

  • channel and you want to hear more murmurings of self wallow and

  • desperation subscribe!

  • oh my god I can't say that because I've never said that before

  • You have now! I'm very proud I've never said that before!

  • I was joking.

  • Sure, not really...

  • obviously I want people to subscribe to your channel because it's amazing

  • Cause you are amazing! Thanks baby, love you

  • I love you too!

  • I love you too guys.

  • It's all gonna be ok.

  • And everything will be fine, we'll all be fine together.

  • Mwha!

  • Byee!

Hello lovely people! Hi! We are currently in Rome yay! Because it is my

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