Name: It's Ok To Feel Sad At Christmas // Vlogmas Day 7 [CC]
Uploaded: 2020-04-15T16:55:17.000Z
Duration: 12 min 3 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Hi Lovelies! So today I've kind of taken a day off

because I just wanted to have a little chill time

But obviously I really wanted to make a video for you because I said I would

everyday and that's the whole point *hmm*

So I thought today, I just have a little sit and talk to you

about something that I think is actually really important

and I've been seeing a lot of in my comments that I really wanted to mention and

I also have something rather exciting which if you're following my Twitter yesterday,

you know there's quite a difficulty in getting

and I will tell you all that at the end of the video.

A lot of you have contacted me saying that you're in a really dark place right now

and that December is making it so much worse, you can't see a way out it just--

that you can't see the future being any brighter.

I think Christmas is something that makes us re-evaluate our lives completely.

It's this constant, a yearly constant, in a sea of buffering change and

the differences in that marker from year, to year, to year can be absolutely painfully manifest,

either because something has changed so much from last Christmas

or because it hasn't and it's just stayed the same,

I talked to Claudia about this the other day

and she was saying that the Christmas after her mother died, was one of the ha-

was probably one of the absolute hardest times for that whole year

because it's such a marker of difference and such a marker that someone is missing.

Christmas is a really big family time and if someone isn't there, it's really going to show.

For many years, Christmas for me was also a really, really terrible time

and that's not just because I had bronchitis for five years in a row...

Every Christmas over those 5 or 6 years, passed by in this blur of general phlegm and disgusting-ness

but it was actually the lucid moments that hurt the most.

The first Christmas after becoming ill and being diagnosed

I thought oh, it's just this one Christmas.

It's okay, next Christmas will be better.

Next Christmas everything will be fine again.

It's going to be okay, my life will get back on track

I was still ill and the year had been absolutely horrible.

And it was made so much worse by all of my friends who just come back from their first term at university or

had stories about their gap years and the travels they were about to go on.

I felt miserable and alone, and I wasn't able to do the things that made me happy - you know-

and Christmas crafts and seeing my friends, going to parties.

I mean I did write some very good fan fiction,

The next year was the same and the next and the next and the next

"It's okay next Christmas It'll be better"

not "I'll be better" because by then I had realized that I was not going to get better.

Just that I would be in a different space, a different place in my life,

might've fallen in love and be able to move and leave the house more.

I just wanted that, to be able to go around and whizz round in my car with my, like, amazing girlfriend

and maybe I'd have a job even or be going to university or be doing something,

I wanted to have a magical Christmas just like in all of the adverts

Because Christmas is always the marker isn't it? It's Oh. "We'll be home by Christmas",

It's "we'll move in before Christmas". "I'll sort it out prior to Christmas!"

I know that not everyone celebrates Christmas

But in England we don't say "the holidays" because that would mean a summer holiday...

not the festive season, so excuse me while I keep on saying Christmas.

It's that sense of Christmas being such a big deal if the year was really bad,

It's "ah you know this year sucked, but Christmas was great, Christmas made it all okay again"

Or even if the year was absolutely amazing, but Christmas isn't good.

It's like "Ugh! the year was okay, but Christmas...

I had this idea in my head for all these years of

*oh* what Christmas should be and this perfect ideal that it needed to live up to

and it didn't because in that perfect idea, I wasn't actually disabled.

I didn't actually have any of my problems in my little ideal world.

But isn't that silly? Isn't it stupid that Christmas is the thing that we judge everything by?

I cried and I cried and I cried and I was alone in my room, and I was isolated

So for those of you who ask "are you always happy Jessica?"

Yeah, I kind of am now, but I wasn't always,

Eventually, I started to look at Christmas as

not something with set things that I needed to follow, but just as an excuse to spoil myself!

A "congratulations" for having made it through the year. I couldn't control whether I had a girlfriend or not,

I couldn't do anything about my brother going to his girlfriend's family for Christmas,

I couldn't bring back my grandparents and have the

magical Christmases of my childhood, where my 40 family members were all under one roof

but I could find parts of Christmas that I really loved and just indulge in them.

If I wanted to take the entire day's energy to make a beautiful decoration above the mantelpiece,

If I wanted to "waste" a day and by the way,

It's not wasting because it's your own energy and whatever you choose to do with it, is not wasteful.

But if I wanted to "waste" (according to other people) the day, decorating the beautiful Christmas cake

because it made me so happy to do so even though

I couldn't actually eat a single thing on it, then that's what I was going to do!

I spent extra money on decorations that I found throughout the year,

and I thought ah yes, I need that because it made me happy,

and I kept every tradition that my grandparents had ever taught me

Because that was something that was important to me and thus it was important to my Christmas.

Christmas is a really really hard time for an awful lot of people

and that's why I think Christmas should be a time when we actually just give ourselves a break.

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It's Ok To Feel Sad At Christmas // Vlogmas Day 7 [CC]

absolutely

constant

cuddle

ruin