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  • AS EVERYONE CAN SEE I'M BACK IN MY GARAGE AND IT'S DIFFERENT

  • THAN NORMAL.

  • BUT WE ARE REALLY GOING TO TRY TO DELIVER YOU THE BEST SHOW

  • THAT WE POSSIBLY CAN EVERY NIGHT WHEN WE DO THE SLOW NORMALLY WE

  • START WITH A MONOLOGUE AND IT IS DIFFICULT TO DO A MONOLOGUE

  • WITHOUT AN AUDIENCE.

  • SO WHAT WE HAVE DECIDED TO DO.

  • WE HAVE MANY, MANY MEMBERS OF OUR "LATE, LATE SHOW" STAFF

  • HERE.

  • THEY'RE ZOOMING IN HERE TO HELP US OUT WITH THE MONOLOGUE.

  • HEY GUYS, HOW ARE YOU DOING.

  • >> HI JAMES.

  • >> James: LET'S GET INTO THIS.

  • THIS IS EXCITING.

  • NOW OUR FIRST STORY WE WILL TALK ABOUT IS PRESIDENT TRUMP IS NOW

  • PUSHING CONGRESS FOR AN ADDITIONAL $2 TRILLION SPENDING

  • BILL TO JUMP START THE ECONOMY.

  • $2 TRILLION OR OR THE CURRENT PRICE OF THREE ROLLS OF TOILET

  • PAPER.

  • I THINK EVERYONE IS ON MUTE, GUYS?

  • I THINK EVERYONE IS ON MUTE.

  • YOU GOT TO MAKE SURE TO YOU KNOW -- CAN EVERYONE MAKE SURE YOU

  • HAVE UNMUTED YOURSELF.

  • >> NO, WE'RE NOT ON MUTE, JAMES.

  • >> James: EVERYBODY IS UNMUTED?

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> YEAH, NOT.

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> James: SO EVERYBODY HEARD THAT JOKE.

  • >> YES.

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> James: WELL, YOU MAYBE ENGAGE A BIT MORE, THAT WOULD BE

  • HELPFUL.

  • OKAY.

  • LET'S KEEP GOING.

  • LET'S TRY AND KEEP THE ENERGY UP, GUYS.

  • HERE ANOTHER ONE.

  • A BIOGRAPHY OF FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP IS SET TO BE

  • RELASED IN JUNE AND WILL BE CALLED THE HEART OF HER DEAL,

  • MEL ANIO HOPES IT WILL END UP ON THE BE BEST SELLER LIST.

  • I THINK THERE'S A DELAY.

  • I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE FEED, EVERYBODY, SIGN

  • OUT AND SIGN BACK IN AGAIN.

  • >> NO, WE CAN HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR, JAMES, LOUD AND CLEAR.

  • JUST LIKE BEING IN THE ROOM.

  • IT'S REALLY AMAZING WHAT THIS MODERN TECHNOLOGY CAN DO YOU

  • KNOW.

  • >> SO COOL.

  • >> James: YEAH, NO, YEAH, SO EVERYBODY-- EVERYBODY HEARD ME

  • SAY BE BEST SELLER LIST, BE BEST SELLER.

  • >> YEAH, WE HEARD IT.

  • >> James: RIGHT.

  • SO WHY ISN'T ANYBODY LAUGHING?

  • >> IT'S JUST NOT THAT GREAT, JAMES.

  • >> LOUISIE'S RIGHT, IT'S JUST NOT A STRONG JOKE.

  • A BETTER ONE WOULD BE A BIOGRAPHY ON FIRST LADY MELANIA

  • IS SET TO BE RELEASED IN JUNE IT IS ABOUT PRACTICING SOCIAL

  • DISTANCING FROM HER HUSBAND FOR THE LAT THREE YEARS.

  • (LAUGHTER).

  • >> James: THERE WE GO, THERE WE GO.

  • THAT IS THE SPIRIT, OKAY.

  • NOW OKAY, SO LET'S KEEP THAT ENERGY, YEAH.

  • OKAY MOVING ON.

  • ONE PART OF THE ECONOMY IS BOOMING RIGHT NOW.

  • MARIJUANA USE JUST SET AN ALL-TIME RECORD.

  • SO BREAD ISN'T THE ONLY THING GETTING BAKED ON THIS LOCKDOWN.

  • OH COME ON, THAT IS A FUNNY JOKE.

  • THAT IS WITHOUT QUESTION A FUNNY JOKE.

  • >> YEAH, IT WAS FUNNY.

  • I JUST THINK THE PROBLEM MIGHT MAN BE YOUR DELIVERY.

  • MAYBE TRY SOMETHING MORE LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, LIKE THE BREAD'S NOT

  • THE ONLY THING GETTING BAKED IN THIS LOCKDOWN.

  • (LAUGHTER).

  • >> James: WELL, I DIDN'T HAVE THAT JOKE, DID I.

  • THIS IS MY MONOLOGUE.

  • I'M THE HOST.

  • STOP, EVERYBODY, STOP, STOP.

  • >> SORRY, JAMES.

  • >> YEAH, WE'RE SORRY.

  • >> SORRY.

  • >> >> James: THAT WAS

  • DISRESPECTFUL.

  • YOU CARRY ON WITH THE MONOLOGUE.

  • >> THANK YOU, OKAY.

  • I FEEL QUITE VULNERABLE.

  • I'M IN HERE ON MY OWN, YOU KNOW.

  • LET'S MAKE THIS A SUPPORTIVE-- OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

  • PRESIDENT TRUMP SIGNED AN EXECUTIVE ORDER THE OTHER DAY TO

  • ALLOW THE UNITED STATES TO MINE MINERALS FROM BOTH THE MOON AND

  • MARS.

  • WELL, TRUMP DID SAY HE WAS GOING TO BRING MINING JOBS BACK, SO

  • ENJOY THE MOON, MINORS.

  • -- MINER, NOBODY FOUND THAT FUNNY.

  • SEE TOM, THERE YOU GO.

  • TOM, I CAN ALWAYS RELY ON YOU, TOM, YOU FOUND IT FUNNY, THERE

  • YOU GO, TOM?

  • >> WHAT, OH, SORRY, I WAS WATCHING BORAT.

  • >> OH MY GOD, I LOVE BORAT.

  • >> OH MY GOD.

  • >> FUNNY.

  • >> FUNNY.

  • >> ALL RIGHT, WE'LL FORGET THAT, THAT WAS A BAD IDEA, WE'RE GOING

  • TO MOVE ON.

AS EVERYONE CAN SEE I'M BACK IN MY GARAGE AND IT'S DIFFERENT

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