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  • Out of all the different non-verbal behaviors, I think that spotting attraction is without

  • a doubt the easiest. We are very emotional creatures and when we're attracted to somebody,

  • it's very, very difficult to hide. People think they're hiding it, but things always

  • slip.

  • One of the ways they slip are essentially the eyes. There are a lot of different ways

  • you can use the eyes to determine whether or not someone's attracted to you. The first

  • thing is essentially eye contact. For the most part, usually we make eye contact with

  • people that we're interested in or people that we're attracted to. Right? But this is

  • not entirely true. Some people are shy or anxious and they're not going to make eye

  • contact. So what you're looking for essentially is a deviation in eye contact.

  • So one of the ways you can use eye contact and there's a little trick that's very, very

  • reliable. So what you're going to do is if you look at somebody in a bar or restaurant

  • or on the street and they break eye contact vertically, so they look down. So you make

  • eye contact with them and they break eye contact vertically and then within 20-30 seconds they

  • reestablish eye contact, approach them. They like you. It's a very, very reliable thing.

  • Essentially what they're doing. You stare at them. They're submitting to you and then

  • they take a little second glance to see who you are. It's very, very, very reliable. The

  • opposite of that would be if you look at somebody and they look at you and they immediately

  • go and break eye contact. Nope, not interested. But what is reliable is they break eye contact

  • and they come back. Break eye contact and then come back. Break eye contact and then

  • come back. It's very interesting.

  • And don't let it wait. If you see that, go right away because the more and more you wait.

  • The more and more eye contact becomes very, very awkward. One of the things that I do

  • in one of my classes is I have people stare each other in the eyes for three minutes without

  • saying anything. They just stare each other in the eyes like this. Try that. Go out and

  • try to stare somebody in the eyes for even 90 seconds. I guarantee you can't do it. It's

  • awkward. It's so awkward because humans are not really at a level intimacy. When you stare

  • somebody in the eyes is so awkward when you're doing it with a stranger.

  • Studies will show that if you stare somebody in the eyes for 90 seconds to three minutes,

  • all of a sudden you're going to like that person a lot better than everybody else in

  • the room because you kind of shared this emotional connection. So eye contact is important in

  • that respect.

  • The second thing you can look for essentially is blink rate. Now, this is really cool. So

  • blink rate correlate with emotional excitement. When we are emotionally excited, our blink

  • rates tend to increase. Right? Average blink rates tend to be below 20 blinks per minute.

  • For most people it really depends on where you are, but it's really hard to nail down

  • what the average blink rate is. But in my experience, it seems to be around 10 blinks

  • per minute. Right? So you see, whenever you see a sudden spike or a bunch of sudden spikes

  • in somebody's blink rate in can be an indication of attraction. In my dating studies you see

  • blink rates through the roof because the person across the table from you has an emotional

  • response. You're attracted to them.

  • The third way of kind of using the eyes to determine attraction is dilation. It's very

  • interesting. Our eyes dilate when we're attracted to something. Right? Go out and find a Maxim

  • magazine or a Playboy magazine or any cover that's predominately men focusing. Every single

  • woman will have her eyes dilated. You never, ever see them constricted. The reason why

  • is because men perceive women with dilated eyes more attractive than women with more

  • constricted eyes. To the point of back in the day prostitutes used to put a specific

  • toxin in their eyes to make them dilate.

Out of all the different non-verbal behaviors, I think that spotting attraction is without

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