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  • What do you want?

  • More of bicep?

  • Two Rolex?

  • Yeah.

  • Hey, guys, I'm Thompson Girl.

  • Nine Bryant burnt crystals.

  • They brought back the two biggest guest from hot ones to do one episode together.

  • That's right.

  • It's not Kevin Horton.

  • Shaquille O'Neal.

  • It's fucking wall a 23 goddamn bar with Russian mob dammit!

  • Hey, guys, check this out on truth or DAB this week, Hot ones.

  • First we feast.

  • First feast, Bert!

  • Tom, Let's go.

  • Hey, what's going on?

  • Everybody For first we feast.

  • I'm Sean Evans.

  • And welcome back to another episode of truth or dab the hot One Special where we give our guests to simple options.

  • Tell the truth or suffer the wrath of the last AP.

  • And today we're joined by two of our favorite comedians, Friends of the brand Tom Segura on Berk, Kreisher.

  • They both have Netflix specials out right now.

  • Your mom's house and Bert cast wherever you get your podcasts, catch Tom live on the second half of his ticket down tour tickets on sale now and coming to a city near you and for Burt fans, fall tour dates for his Body shots World Tour will be announced later This month.

  • Get your tickets.

  • Bert.

  • Tom, Welcome to the show.

  • Thanks, buddy.

  • Thank you for having both of us in front of you guys have three scorching hot chicken wings that have all been doused in various versions of the last dab of a series of personal, potentially awkward questions for each of you.

  • Do you realize how hard that's gonna be?

  • Tell you what, my great our careers made unjust.

  • Saying the worst things about ourselves on our podcast for the last nine years.

  • I'm dying to see these questions.

  • Well, we'll see how far we can push you guys today in Burt.

  • Let's start with you.

  • You seem eager.

  • I'm very eager.

  • You just finish the North American leg of your body Shots tour.

  • Of the 28 cities you've visited, which one was the biggest dump who can't wait to come back next year?

  • It's getting started.

  • Diving right in Rockaway was all believe.

  • How is that not a bad man?

  • Unclear with Bo is going in committee.

  • Well, on the tour hot.

  • Yeah, Burt, you dove right in.

  • It's like you forgot what it's like to be here.

  • You know, you just let me a bottle of this on my tour bus.

  • I gave it to my assistant Cobra, and he threw up immediately.

  • Started throwing up.

  • It's a good sales point.

  • Yeah, Yeah, it's not.

  • This part is when it comes out that that's a bad one.

  • Yeah, I've guided hot ones.

  • First time season.

  • Too early, fan.

  • You were for his famous family.

  • Yeah, I know.

  • And tell everyone that.

  • Holy fuck.

  • Um, what was I talking about?

  • I shit my pants and security going through the airport LAX.

  • You know, we've got the beginning part of the story.

  • I will ask them.

  • I was on hot ones.

  • I didn't Shit.

  • My fucking all right.

  • That's questioning these tables Go lower was just for coming hard.

  • When you don't think that just because your dad I think I think I think it might be weight related.

  • All right, Tom, it's your turn.

  • Okay?

  • Touch dog.

  • In your intro, you host your mom's house podcast along with your wife and co host Kristina P fellow comedian.

  • What's this secret that you've kept from her that she would not be happy to hear if she were, say, watching right now in a wing Go Tom diving in, Bert setting a high bar Said Tom.

  • Now tell it Now tell it.

  • Oh, so bad about Oh, ma'am, do this is like taking a Viking in your brain just shuts down.

  • I jerked off on her pillow.

  • We don't want to eat the wings and then tell the truth.

  • Yeah, choice.

  • You know, if you're going to tell the truth, you don't have to eat the wing.

  • That was really bad.

  • Well, it hurts the laugh Are these didn't 100?

  • Do they gonna get hotter round to All right, guys roll with a group of heavy hitters and comedy But it's time to burn some bridges Bert rank these comedians from funniest the least funny.

  • Joey D S R H Fear Joe Rogan and Tom Segura.

  • Yeah.

  • Holy shit, man.

  • Yeah.

  • How is this?

  • So much worse than last time?

  • You get to kind of work your way up to the last stab when you're on the show here.

  • Very steep.

  • Ramp up when we just lay three last tab wings down or is the least funny?

  • You say that, Okay.

  • You don't actually have to answer.

  • I just want to put that out there.

  • So everyone knew that easily.

  • All right, Tom.

  • Shit.

  • Yeah, Again stirring the pot a little bit.

  • I know that you're a very nice guy, but comedy it's a competition.

  • It's a sport.

  • So keep it 100.

  • Who has the worst stand up special on Netflix right now.

  • I know it.

  • I know.

  • You know.

  • What do we just talked about it in the green room?

  • Wait, I can't talk.

  • Damn it, Dude, what you're doing.

  • It's a tough show.

  • It's a tough show you if you have a least favorite one.

  • Disgraceful.

  • God damn it.

  • Throwing it at work.

  • I really actually wanted to answer that one.

  • I don't know the answer.

  • Well, now there's no point, which is something a little something.

  • Okay, word you've said it was it wasn't to be funny.

  • And it was like it was I thought provoker was a Ted talk.

  • Who's good?

  • Can we see her next one?

  • All right.

  • Aunt around three Might have to toss some or wings for these guys.

  • A mountains on fucking fire, bro.

  • Uh, Tom?

  • Yeah.

  • You're known as the water channel right here.

  • We're gonna actually put the Aquaman knowledge to the test.

  • You know, it's one thing to drink water and call yourself the water champ.

  • And how much do you really know about water?

  • I'm gonna hit you with a water pop quiz.

  • Get all three of these questions, right.

  • You're totally in the clear, but get one wrong.

  • You know the drill.

  • Fuck, man.

  • All right.

  • How much of the human body is water?

  • And, I mean, a normal body.

  • Not like a water champs body, is it?

  • 20%.

  • 60% or 95%.

  • 60 of them.

  • Know how it's gonna be 60.

  • You fill with blood.

  • Your skin's 10.

  • No, it's 60.

  • 60%.

  • 60%.

  • Good job.

  • All right.

  • Which of the Great Lakes is the deepest between Lake Superior Lake, Michigan, and Lake Ontario.

  • Tear coming down.

  • It's always that Left eye time.

  • Michigan, Right.

  • It is superior.

  • Goddamn, Let's Let's do this till you're growing way.

  • Aaron, let's do a little double or nothing.

  • All right?

  • You have that wing.

  • Let's go to this last question here.

  • All right, We get it right, you're in the clear, But get it wrong.

  • We up the stakes, you'll dab last wing.

  • Okay?

  • Okay.

  • When you know he's saying right, you got Put some stuff on it.

  • I heard him sold in a 14 carat, diamond encrusted bottle.

  • Beverly Hills 90 H.

  • 20 claims to sell the most expensive bottle of water in the world.

  • How much does it cost?

  • $45,000.

  • $75,000 for 100 grand.

  • Come on, man.

  • What the fuck is happening here?

  • The most expensive bottle of water in the world.

  • It is $100,000.

  • What did you do that it is?

  • Ah, $100,000.

  • Thompson.

  • Girl with a lifeline swerves that pothole I got you, my man.

  • I got you, man.

  • We still got two rounds to go.

  • Do it went away.

  • And then I wiped my mouth with my thing and it came back again.

  • Burke, You guys were both prolific podcasters in the over 300 episode history of the bird cast.

  • Who has been your worst guess?

  • Oh, I have the answer.

  • I got two answers way Go with the one that everyone hated the most.

  • No, I can't put that can't vote on blast like that.

  • There is one you never that girl, that she's Irish.

  • What's the other one?

  • I don't know, some guy was like, I'm not gonna put anyone on blast.

  • But you already.

  • You already Kind of what I did.

  • Okay.

  • Okay, Good.

  • Good.

  • You did.

  • You did name it.

  • You did at it.

  • We could do the math.

  • All right, Tom?

  • Yeah.

  • Joke stealing.

  • It's one of the biggest taboos and comedy.

  • Can you out a comedian who you believe has gotten away with cribbing material from other Canadians.

  • Go truth there dabba ruin your career.

  • It's not even about, like, not saying it.

  • I can't fucking think of one right now.

  • Whisper in my ear.

  • I can't because they're gonna your little Mike.

  • I'll say it.

  • I'll say after you say no way.

  • Oh, just turn the levels up on what he said is that count.

  • I'm just one more wink to go.

  • You could just eat it.

  • And it's all Albert sitting on Everybody's job, is there, Bert?

  • That's where I got the machine story.

  • Oops.

  • Look, I was a 30 minute rambling thing.

  • Jumped a big joke deep.

  • Well, listen, there's no Robin.

  • You're way out of this one, okay?

  • It is now pop quiz time for you.

  • You're a product of Tampa, Florida state grad, a Sunshine State dirtbag and proud of it.

  • If I remember.

  • So what I'm gonna do is give you a handful, a series of Florida man headlines, and it's up to you to figure out if they are really or if they're fake.

  • Florida man denies syringes found in his rectum Are his riel or fake?

  • That I can see?

  • I bet that's real.

  • It is, really it is totally see myself in the back of a car going.

  • I don't know how they got there.

  • It's true, as reported by News Channel Local 10.

  • That's 40 year old Wesley Scott's story, and he's sticking to it.

  • Two more headlines to go, Burt, you got easy peasy.

  • Florida Man flashes his buttocks at IHOP after Impersonating a police officer to get free food.

  • Riel or stage.

  • It's the end part that's throwing me about after in person because the first party like that died happens once a week.

  • Um, I'm gonna go, really, it is really eyes Israel, according to The Orlando Sentinel.

  • When asked if he had money, 55 year old Matt Skinner said, No, but I am a cop and get food for free, obviously, things spiraled a little bit after that.

  • So big Florida moves.

  • We're gonna move.

  • All right, Bert, One more headline for you.

  • Yeah, you know the drill.

  • Get it right.

  • You're in the clear and get it wrong.

  • That wing is waiting for you.

  • My mouth feels perfect right now.

  • Okay.

  • Uh, booking.

  • Okay.

  • Florida man sent to jail after pouring hot sauce on three month old puppy.

  • That's fake.

  • That is, unfortunately, riel Fortunately, gizmo is set to make a full recovery, but that is a really headline.

  • They were really very cocky.

  • Put a lot of last dab on.

  • Put it on.

  • He actually put it on.

  • Put it on.

  • This is gonna have a sweat through.

  • Is it?

  • Is it A, by the way, is a real fan right here.

  • Is it a, uh, Coolio Dab?

  • That's a real fan, right?

  • That's a really real fan right there.

  • What happened to Coolio?

  • Bab You know, it was really bad.

  • Hey sued them.

  • I worked Coolio once dead dick Wow!

  • Bird plane and wings getting through five rounds That feel like now it hurts my molars.

  • I feel sick.

  • Yeah, it holding a milk that that's stacking it some unique chemistry going on down.

  • One more question to go start questions when we're winning.

  • Bert, you're done.

  • You're done.

  • You can have one more way.

  • How'd you make?

  • But you know what, Burt?

  • You're not off the hot seat because this one comes right at you.

  • Like Tom, Which of birds fits, do you pretend to laugh at?

  • Because you're a good and supportive friend.

  • But deep down, you think is hacking.

  • And to get a friend to tell him all evil and don't answer.

  • Um, not trying to think you do something for you real quick.

  • Yeah, well, my kids are dumb as fuck my daughter that I would run me through some other bits for the during oral sex got fire in the hole.

  • I was going.

  • I like to spread him out.

  • When in doubt, spread him out.

  • That's a good one.

  • Yeah, um, pajamas.

  • Uh, yes.

  • Related, but I was like, you know, see, I tell you my answer.

  • You know, he didn't, uh, Burt leading the witness.

  • I mean, I'm over the machine story.

  • Yeah, me too.

  • He has had it with the machine story.

  • One of the greatest hits.

  • It's a greatest hits Keep an eye out Body shots.

  • World Tour.

  • It doesn't stop doing an international run.

  • And then the fall dates.

  • Tom Segura, Take it down.

  • Tickets on sale now visit tom zero dot com Perper bert dot com tom segura dot com Brooke Breitbart dot com Great domain name to get a hold of four birds was already taken.

  • That's it for truth or Dad.

  • We'll see you next.

  • Okay, Thanks.

  • Good job.

  • That was awesome.

  • E for me.

  • Great job, buddy.

  • Oh, wow.

  • I felt that.

  • Oh, my God.

  • How much do up on that last one?

  • Hey, you know what?

  • I'm soaking wet when you two are internationally.

  • It's probably really good for your health.

  • Oh, hey, what's going on?

  • Hot ones?

  • Fans.

  • I hope that you enjoyed today's episode of Truth or dab.

  • I don't ask for much around here, but you can see the pinned comment below.

  • We've been nominated for a Webby.

  • It would mean a lot to the crew here If you could vote us on toe win.

  • I know that it would mean the world to Dom in Sarah Honda, Chris.

  • And perhaps most of all, camera guy Bill, If you could throw us to subscribe and again, don't do it for me.

What do you want?

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