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  • So since you can't travel, I came up

  • with a segment that is going to show you

  • why that's a good thing.

  • I went to TripAdvisor where you can leave hotel reviews,

  • and I looked for the worst reviews that I could find.

  • It's a brand new segment I'm calling "Don't Go There."

  • Let's see, I should get my glasses.

  • Which I didn't --

  • I gotta get my glasses.

  • Sorry.

  • [BANGING]

  • I'm hearing noise in my ear now.

  • Audio, I'm hearing like banging.

  • Yeah, I had to go find my glasses,

  • and they were up on a shelf.

  • OK.

  • I got it.

  • OK.

  • Thank you.

  • There's no need for you to chime in though.

  • Thank you.

  • OK, we can edit that out.

  • All right, this is a review of a hotel in Detroit.

  • "I stayed here for two nights and found four wasps

  • on the first-- that's a hard word to say, "wasps."

  • "Wasps."

  • "I stayed here for two nights and found four wasps

  • on the first day, only to find an actual wasp

  • nest in the curtain of my room.

  • When I went to the front desk, they said 'they cannot

  • guarantee there won't be wasps in any other rooms'".

  • See?

  • This is probably making you feel better already.

  • Unless you have more than four wasps in your house right now,

  • this is a good hotel.

  • This is a review of a hotel in Toronto.

  • "The rooms were about what I expected for the price.

  • However, the sheets seemed as though they

  • hadn't been washed in months.

  • And the word 'run' was carved into the broken dresser."

  • Someone took the time to carve "run" into the dresser.

  • Although that doesn't have to be a bad thing really.

  • Maybe they were trying to write this room is a home run

  • and then they got tired.

  • Although now that I think about it, whey would

  • they start with the word "run"?

  • Why am I trying to make this hotel better than it is.

  • It's obviously a terrible hotel.

  • "Run" in the dresser.

  • Can you imagine, "tWitch" You're laying in bed and--

  • This is a review of a hotel in Cancun.

  • "When I got to my room, I saw something on the floor.

  • I got closer, and it was a lizard--

  • in giant caps, LIZARD--

  • I have a huge phobia of lizards.

  • So I called the front desk and they moved my room.

  • When we arrived in my new room, another lizard,

  • three times the size of the first,

  • was at the top of my door.

  • I was up all night.

  • Eventually, I fell asleep, but then

  • when I woke up there was a lizard in my bed.

  • You know what keeps lizards away?

  • Wasps.

  • I assume.

  • I mean, the person in the wasp hotel never saw a lizard,

  • so I rest my case.

  • Hey, you got a little doggy there.

  • My little Chihuahua.

  • Sweet doggy.

  • All right, one more.

  • And finally there's a review of a guest

  • of an apartment in Spain.

  • "Liked-- location.

  • Disliked-- naked old man on balcony."

  • Apparently every room has a view of downtown

  • because the man was naked, and I have

  • to say "downtown" instead of "penis"

  • because it's a daytime show.

  • You know, I like explaining the jokes.

  • It really helps pass the time.

  • All right, hopefully that makes you feel better

  • about not going anywhere.

So since you can't travel, I came up

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