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  • [cough]

  • Shocker: I'm still ill

  • I know, no one saw this coming (!)

  • So I'm making a video about a topic that is a week old. Rather than the video I was

  • going to make because-

  • [cough]

  • -ill.

  • Subscribe for hopefully less gross coughing!

  • [ding]

  • So, actress Selma Blair attended the Oscars this year-

  • -it's 2019 if you're watching this in the future-

  • -for the first time since publicly announcing her MS diagnosis and she was looking VERY

  • stylish with her cane. Cue many, many articles about how brave and inspirational she is

  • [hmm]

  • We've talked about the 'inspirational' issue here before and can we just say, if

  • we're talking about disability porn I would much rather see this than the video Now This

  • news posted on Twitter about a little girl with no eyes having a traumatic hospital experience

  • and singing to self-soothe herself.

  • Sure, because that 4 year old DEFINITELY consented to having her vulnerable moment filmed and

  • used to inspire abled people to 'keep going' or 'feel better about themselves' or some

  • such tosh!

  • I don't know

  • Weirdly, pretty sure all people with disabilities deserve respect and dignityincluding children.

  • And no, their parent's consent is not theirs.

  • Great job (!)

  • [cough]

  • Gosh, I'm salty when ill.

  • Don't worry though, able bodied people, I'm not here to be rude to you. Although,

  • if you feel like showing just how much you like disabled peopleyou should subscribe

  • to me.

  • Along with the many, many articles about Selma Blair it felt to me as if there were an equal

  • number of disability activists online who insisted that 'brave' was NOT the right

  • word to use, that we shouldn't call disabled people brave or inspirational for just living their lives

  • and going outside with their aids

  • [drink]

  • But!

  • - and I'm so sorry, I love you, my people I'm not coming for you

  • I think we're doing ourselves a disservice. To say that it isn't 'brave' to go outside

  • with aids plays down just how scary and difficult it is! Leaving the house for the first time

  • with a mobility aid, even if you're just going to the corner shop, is terrifying. Let's

  • be honest, it is. It's the big unknown. It's really, really, scary and you have

  • to build up all of your courage to do so. You have to be brave.

  • [pats chest]

  • Even if once you're actually out there it's fabulous and you're living your best life

  • and you're thinking

  • - “oh my god, why didn't I get a wheelchair before? This is fantastic!”

  • Even if that!

  • The point is, before you leave the house, you just don't know!

  • Every time I go to a new place with my crutches or my wheelchair or see a new person I still

  • have a bit of fear within me and it's been ten years since I started using mobility aids!

  • - actually, scratch that, I had to hobble around on a zimmer frame when I was 15. It

  • was genuinely my grandmother's zimmer frame. Not even a cool one. I still made it work

  • I find my crutches in particular make me feel that way because I know I'll have to fend

  • off the sameWhat did you do?” question from every single new person I see.

  • And that… I mean… I know they're just trying to be nice. But it does chip away at

  • me inside when twenty people in one day saywhat did you do to yourself?” and I have

  • to reply withoh, nothing, I have a genetic disability, I just have to use crutches sometimes

  • and then if they've ever seen me before they have to bring up that the last time they

  • saw me I wasn't using crutches and then we're just going in circles and then

  • - wait, maybe I just hate it because it's boring?

  • The next time someone asks I'm just going to say a crocodile bit me and leave them to

  • work out the specifics. It requires a lot of bravery and to not be in a place where

  • you're already feeling upset so that their questions don't drag you ever deeper!

  • And that's just going to the corner shop! Never mind The Oscars!!!!

  • I imagine attending the Academy Awards is pretty nervewracking- for one thing absolutely

  • every magazine and newspaper in the world is going to mention it if you trip over your

  • dress. And they will comment on that dress to high heavens: are you on the best dressed

  • or the worst dressed list? Do your shoes match? Is your hair perfect? Is your makeup flawless?

  • Did you accidentally spend too long looking at your very attractive costar and now everyone

  • will report on the fact you're definitely cheating? Did you frown at just the wrong

  • moment and now someone is going to make a gif about your hatred for small children?

  • You just don't know!

  • So that seems pretty scary. Feels like something that would require a lot of bravery.

  • Just saying.

  • Add on the 'first time in public with a mobility aid'.

  • But then on top of that you've got 'wow, the world now knows I have a disability. They're

  • going to be scrutinising my every cane aided move'. Because they really, really are.

  • No one is going to comment on Marlee Matlin still being deaf becauseshe's still

  • deaf. Not groundbreaking news.

  • Selma Blair's condition HAS changed and will continue to change. That can fill screen

  • time and sell magazines. Commentators feel they have a right to zoom in close on her

  • walk and see just how her legs are movingand then talk about how they

  • will be moving in the future

  • I mean, fine. I'm quite fine with my identity as a disabled person

  • - I'd wear it on a t shirt if I wore t shirts

  • - I do have other t shirts

  • Merch!

  • But I would be pretty terrified in that situation. I had to hold down the tears during my PIP

  • examination when asked to walk from one side of the room to the other because it's TERRIFYING

  • to be scrutinised like that- particularly on something negative rather than positive.

  • Like an exam, or something

  • So yes, she was brave.

  • We have to be brave. We do. And it's okay to say that.

  • It's not okay to take 'inspiration' from pain but I think it is okay to take inspiration

  • from courage. And clearly Selma Blair has that.

  • (she's cool)

  • [voice breaking ]When it comes to putting that into practice

  • and tips for going out with your own mobility

  • [pats chest] for the first time

  • [coughs]

  • Sorry

  • I can't cough properly because my intercostal muscle is wasted away a little bit

  • So I just have to smack myself repeatedly

  • To move gunk around my chest. Do you still think I'm glamorous?

  • Look, going outside with your own mobility aids for the firs time just know

  • it won't be as awful as you think it will.

  • However, some new problems you hadn't even thought to worry about will occur.

  • - You never realise how bumpy pavements are until you're on four wheels.

  • And the things that are genuinely terriblemight have a happy ending!

  • Like...

  • - That sounded much more mysterious than I meant it to. But, come on, it's me, I might

  • have a bug today but obviously I still have to leave you with a happy ending! I wouldn't

  • be me if I didn't!

  • So

  • For example: I lost most of my friends when I got ill as a teenager. Felt awful at the

  • time butonly the great ones were left AND every new friend I made knew about my

  • illness from the start so there was no way I could 'let them down' by not being well

  • enough to do something! And now I have only the hand-picked, best of the best people!

  • My people are cool beans.

  • You're cool beans.

  • If you've enjoyed this video please share it with a friend and I encourage you to subscribe!

  • [pats chest]

  • Also be you, be brave, be beautiful and remember you're not alone.

  • I shall see you on Friday for our next video.

  • [kiss]

[cough]

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