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  • So yeah, I guess I'm quite a good listener, and you know I listen to you. I put up with your sister, which is

  • obviously quite a task...

  • I think I'm very resilient. I don't complain. I do feel that, you know, if the situation is quite stressful that you

  • tend to kind of shut down? And you know, I think I'm really able to kind of look after you in that situation

  • you know, to make it... to make it okay for you.

  • I like doing that, but um, I do think it is something that maybe could be like better acknowledged.

  • Um I guess I tend to shut down

  • Um which can be quite alarming to some people because I just get really silent and really quiet.

  • But actually I'd say what I'm doing is kind of stepping back and

  • just thinking about

  • my reaction because I don't want to be too rash, you know. I don't really cope very well with stress

  • I do tend to panic, but it's just a case of...

  • Overtime of maturing and realizing that's how I react. I just feel much better when you're panicking inside

  • as terrifying as that sounds...

  • I do know that I can be quite...

  • like bossy

  • Um maybe like to the point of being quite controlling, and I could in our

  • relationship...

  • I don't know, I'm not saying that it excuses it.

  • But I do think that after dad died, it was just, it felt like everything kind of shattered and

  • the sense of family somehow

  • disintegrated and...

  • There was this sense that like mum just, I don't know, like she couldn't really hold it together, and

  • as the oldest, it felt like it was kind of really on my shoulders to

  • you know, keep everyone safe and to kind of almost be a bit of a mother.

  • I... I do feel that maybe there is a sense I kind of I carry that on now still like I... I take on that role.

  • Getting used to basically up sticks and leave Bristol because of my new job, and I still feel really guilty about

  • you know, essentially forcing you to leave everything behind.

  • Um as far as I remember, I don't think I really even asked you.

  • I mean, I was just kind of looking at places and but I think in the back of my mind at the time, I

  • was thinking it I should probably talk to you about it but

  • deep down like

  • It's kind of worried that you

  • wouldn't be up for it, which is obviously very selfish of me, but I just realized I couldn't... there's no way I could do without you.

  • See, I... I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me.

  • I think what I actually end up finding really...

  • difficult and challenging

  • is...

  • when suddenly we go from our kind of kind of private sphere

  • into the public one,

  • say

  • I don't know with friends or family,

  • and it feels as if the dynamic is suddenly really different. If I'm being, I don't know, maybe too uptight or something.

  • It seems as if you want to...

  • make fun of that and undermine me, and I can find that quite humiliating.

  • Because I feel like when we're together in public,

  • I feel... I feel like I'm your child. Like you're my mother and you've brought me along, and you're kind of a bit annoyed that I'm there and I

  • just feel a bit inferior.

  • And so I guess to kind of gain some kind of superiority or some kind of ground, I end up...

  • try, you know, be a bit laddy and making fun of you, and so I guess if we have that kind of mutual

  • respect

  • when around public then maybe

  • that... that would kind of help.

  • When you're really there, and we really talk, I feel so truly understood. That's so important

  • and I've never felt that with anyone else. I know that I can be a little bit

  • rigid and

  • maybe

  • like without your sense of

  • Humor and fun, I think

  • My life would be a lot less colorful.

  • I'm quite naturally a very chaotic person, and you bring me a lot of structure and

  • I can also be very selfish, and I mean of all the people, I know you'll probably the most, well you are, the most selfless.

  • Sometimes when I feel myself being selfish, I think what would you be thinking?

  • How would you react? I do look to you every day as a kind of example of how to be and

  • if I didn't have that I

  • Don't really know I don't know how I coped before so I guess was there I can't imagine

  • My life without you and if you want, it hasn't really think that

  • At the school of life. We believe in developing emotional intelligence to that end

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So yeah, I guess I'm quite a good listener, and you know I listen to you. I put up with your sister, which is

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