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  • -[ Heavy sigh ] Hi, everyone.

  • It's Jimmy Fallon. Welcome to another edition

  • of "The Tonight Show At Home Edition."

  • Today is Friday

  • and I know every day kind of feels the same, a little bit,

  • but, today kind of feels like a Friday again.

  • First time in a long time, I think, you know?

  • And it's been a week.

  • It's been, you know, a lot of time, but,

  • I have no plan for the weekend.

  • Normally, I'm...

  • pumpin' it up.

  • "Let's go to the beach.

  • Let's go to the play.

  • We'll do something, then we'll have a play date!

  • We'll do this; we'll dah dah."

  • Nothing. I got nothing for the kids.

  • So the kids have that to look forward to --

  • absolutely [ Laughing ] nothing this weekend.

  • We're staying at home like we're supposed to do

  • and it's kind of fun, in a weird way.

  • It's freeing. I'm actually, uh,

  • happy to be here, lucky to be here and safe and...

  • that's what I'm gonna do.

  • And I'm gonna try not to, you know,

  • overthink everything and take every day one day at a time.

  • I thank you all for watching.

  • I thank NBC for airing this.

  • YouTube, for airing it on YouTube as well,

  • for the people that don't have cable or a TV.

  • They can watch our shows.

  • Thank you for donating.

  • State Farm.

  • Our good neighbors at State Farm.

  • Where is that?

  • There it is.

  • Winnie wrote this out.

  • Kind of rushed it today, I feel.

  • -[ Laughing ]

  • -Redcross.org/statefarm.

  • State Farm said they'd match

  • up to $200,000 this week in donations.

  • That's $400,000.

  • We're very close to reaching $200,000,

  • I'm very happy to say.

  • [ Clapping] I love you guys. That's awesome.

  • So, that means $400,000 have been donated to Red Cross,

  • thanks to you guys.

  • They matched -- They matched your donation.

  • Thank you to our neighbors at State Farm

  • and our friends at Red Cross are so, so thankful and happy.

  • We talked to them today and they wanted

  • to let everyone know to please give blood, if you can.

  • I'm not hearing Winnie.

  • -Why are you doing that?

  • -I thought that was Gary.

  • I was like, "Wait. Gary can open the door?"

  • -No. -[ Laughs ]

  • -Who is that? -I want inclusion!

  • -Oh, my gosh!

  • Guys, I thought you were already upstairs.

  • Hi. Nice to see ya. -Hi.

  • -Oh. -Wait. Give it to me.

  • -Oh.

  • Hi, guys. -Hi.

  • -Anyways, if you can --

  • I'll close the door. Don't worry.

  • -[ Laughing ]

  • [ Running footsteps ]

  • -Hey. -[ Laughing ]

  • -I was try-- Sure. [ Piano playing ]

  • -She got the note about...

  • [ Laughs ]

  • -[ Heavy sigh ] -...putting her coat on.

  • -[ Laughing ] It was so quiet for a second.

  • It was so quiet for a second. [ Sigh ]

  • Anyways, if you can give blood, please give blood.

  • They need blood donations, please.

  • And my guest tonight,

  • Miley Cyrus, [ Clap ]

  • the coolest kid in school, has been doing a show

  • on Instagram Live for the past three weeks, a talk show.

  • So she now knows what it's like to be a talk show host

  • and so, I wanna talk to her about that.

  • Also her foundation is happyhippies.org.

  • Oh, Winnie, come on.

  • This is -- -[ Laughs ]

  • -I mean, come on.

  • Anyways, that's supposed to say happyhippies.org.

  • They're doing amazing stuff for homeless youth,

  • but they're switching up their initiative for this pandemic.

  • You'll see what she has to say. She's great.

  • Also, we have Rachel Brosnahan, who,

  • covenanthouse.org is her charity.

  • Please give to that. We're talking to Rachel,

  • "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel."

  • And then, we have music from Lewis Capaldi!

  • [ Clapping ] My man!

  • [ Scat singing ]

  • I love that song so much.

  • ♪ I need somebody to heal

  • Somebody to love

  • [ Mumbling lyrics ]

  • Now the day bleeds

  • Into nightfall

  • Thank you, Frannie.

  • Anyways, he's on the show tonight,

  • performing a song from that album.

  • I love Lewis Capaldi.

  • Guys, let's start the show.

  • It's Friday, "Tonight Show."

  • Let's do a mono, monologue, right now.

  • ♪♪

  • Alright, welcome

  • to "The Tonight Show At Home Edition."

  • Well, guys, it is Friday, so,

  • congrats on getting through another workweek on Zoom

  • without your boss noticing you're drunk or stoned.

  • Listen to this -- There's a petition gaining momentum

  • to name Dr. Fauci

  • People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive.

  • You know these are crazy times

  • when the Sexiest Man Alive vote is gonna come down to

  • Dr. Fauci and Joe Exotic. ♪♪

  • If Dr. Fauci doesn't win,

  • he should at least get People magazine's

  • Sexiest Man Trying to Keep You Alive.

  • ♪♪

  • That's good.

  • CNN's Chris Cuomo said

  • he's lost 13 pounds in 3 days due to coronavirus.

  • So, it's official --

  • I definitely don't have coronavirus.

  • ♪♪

  • My man boobs looking weird -[ Laughing ]

  • -in this light?

  • I'll just do this like this.

  • I saw that more than 12,000 people just applied

  • to be a NASA astronaut.

  • Yep. Everyone spent two weeks with their family and thought,

  • "I gotta get out to space."

  • ♪♪

  • Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber

  • is now streaming Broadway shows online for free.

  • My wife will probably enjoy that more

  • than me singing "Phantom" songs

  • with a surgical mask covering half my face.

  • Slowly

  • [ Singing indistinctly ]

  • ♪ I am in a sewer

  • Trying to find love

  • Never saw "Phantom."

  • I can only assume that's what it was, right?

  • He live in a sewer? -[ Laughs ]

  • -He has a mask or something. ♪♪

  • I get it.

  • People love -- The heart wants what the heart wants, you know?

  • ♪♪

  • I saw Tom Brady is moving his family

  • into Derek Jeter's mansion in Tampa.

  • Though it's not a done deal, yet.

  • First, Jeter smartly wants to run a credit check on Brady

  • [ Laughter ] and get first and last month's rent up-front.

  • Very smart.

  • You never know, man.

  • [ Laughs ]

  • Dwayne Johnson posted a video on Instagram

  • about washing your hands,

  • where he's shirtless, in just a towel,

  • and rapping a song from "Moana."

  • Yeah. When Dwayne does that, it's fun,

  • but when I do that, it's

  • "Dad, you're ruining homeschool."

  • ♪♪

  • And, finally, according to scientists,

  • mice can actually make facial expressions based on their mood.

  • Americans heard that and were like, "That's great.

  • Any word on the cure for coronavirus?"

  • ♪♪

  • Mice can --

  • That's our monologue for tonight.

  • Hey, I think it's time for "Thank You Notes"!

  • Girls, get down here!

  • Help out Daddy!

  • [ Funk sting plays ]

  • -Hey, guys. Today's Friday and,

  • even though we're quarantined, it's still a day

  • where I check my inbox; return some emails;

  • and, of course, I send out thank-you notes.

  • [ Laughing ] Well, I was wondering

  • if I could write out my weekly thank-you notes right now.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Frannie, can I get some thank-you note writing

  • music, please?

  • [ Tender theme plays ]

  • That's good; that's good.

  • That's good.

  • Thank you, wearing a hat,

  • for being the new taking a shower.

  • [ Whispering ] Go. Good job.

  • Thank you, home gyms,

  • for making me realize that every time I said,

  • "If I only had more free time," I was just lying to myself.

  • ♪♪

  • ♪♪

  • Thank you, making homemade pizza.

  • Yes, it takes much longer than delivery

  • and involves way more effort, but, in the end,

  • it tastes terrible.

  • ♪♪

  • -Are you ready? -Mm-hmm.

  • Winnie, perfect.

  • ♪♪

  • -Thank you, tracking a package,

  • for being the closest thing I have

  • to watching sports right now.

  • "Oh.

  • Oh, it's in Iowa!

  • The package made it to Iowa, guys!" Okay.

  • ♪♪

  • Thank you, the phrase "How you holdin' up?"

  • for being the polite way of asking someone,

  • "So, are you also on the brink of insanity?"

  • -[ Chuckle ] -[ Chuckle ]

  • -Hm? -Yeah.

  • That's perfect. Don't touch.

  • Thank you, KFC,

  • for giving away a million pieces of fried chicken.

  • Just maybe don't tell people it's Finger Lickin' Good.

  • It's Rubber Glovin' Finger Licking Good.

  • ♪♪

  • Thank you, weather app,

  • for reminding me that there's weather.

  • ♪♪

  • Alright. Good.

  • Last one.

  • Thank you, yoga classes over Zoom,

  • for occasionally becoming

  • just 16 close-ups of butts.

  • ♪♪

  • What do you think of those jokes?

  • That or this one?

  • [ Booing ]

  • -[ Laughing ] -Guys, we'll be right back

  • with more "Tonight Show." We have [ Laughing ] Miley Cyrus

  • on the show and we have Rachel Brosnahan.

  • -I didn't see this one. -And Lewis Capaldi.

  • Thank you, Winnie. You didn't see that one?

  • It's funny. Good job, Winnie.

  • Good job, Frannie. We'll be right back, everybody.

-[ Heavy sigh ] Hi, everyone.

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