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  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Wow.

  • Mama spent some money today on an outfit

  • that makes her look very smart and slimming.

  • It feels very businesslike, doesn't it?

  • It does.

  • Feels like spring has sprung, and I'm

  • about to go into business.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I'll buy into that business.

  • Thank you.

  • You had a birthday a couple of weeks ago.

  • Sorry, I wasn't invited.

  • But how did that go?

  • Well, I turned 45 years old.

  • So I was pretty excited.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Why are you laughing at that?

  • [LAUGHING]

  • What do you think?

  • That's a joke.

  • I'm not laughing.

  • I'm laughing-- I'm so happy that you're aging so beautifully.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I say I turned 45, and he laughs in my face.

  • Anyway, I decided to celebrate by skiing down a mountain.

  • Oh, yeah.

  • But without any pants on.

  • Let's see.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • And so I--

  • Wait, totally naked?

  • Well, no, I had underwear on.

  • Just a thong.

  • Yeah.

  • I mean, obviously I don't want to get, you know,

  • chapped or anything.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I have to protect my area.

  • But see, my form?

  • Sure.

  • And I have what looks like--

  • What is that?

  • A joint and a margarita.

  • Uh-huh.

  • Uh-huh.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • But obviously, that's like--

  • I wouldn't do that.

  • Because that's irresponsible.

  • Right.

  • I would never ski down a mountain

  • with an actual margarita and a lit joint.

  • Yeah, so--

  • It's almost impossible, actually.

  • So--

  • So what was it then?

  • So it was a prop.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Two props, yeah.

  • Oh, two props.

  • Well--

  • You got from the prop table at the ski resort?

  • Yes.

  • Yeah.

  • No, you know, I don't want anybody to get in trouble,

  • and the mountain frowns upon smoking on the mountain.

  • And I, of course, do too.

  • And so the people I was around, like my ski guide.

  • This woman got in a lot of trouble.

  • How could you let Chelsea ski down without any pants

  • on, with a joint and margarita.

  • Like this is-- and I felt bad, because I didn't

  • want to get her in trouble.

  • And I always get people in trouble, you know?

  • Right, right, right, right.

  • But it's not her fault. Because if I want to take my pants off

  • with a margarita and a joint and ski down a mountain,

  • then I'm going to do it.

  • And nobody is going to stop me.

  • Yeah.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • I love that.

  • Know what I mean?

  • It's my birthday.

  • Air high five.

  • Yeah.

  • So--

  • That's how I celebrate me.

  • I love-- I love it.

  • At least somebody does.

  • Yes, exactly.

  • Hey, remember the first time we fell in love?

  • Yes, I do.

  • That was at the game show, right?

  • Yes.

  • On NBC?

  • Yeah.

  • And we were-- were we playing on the same team?

  • Yeah, yeah.

  • Yeah, well not any more.

  • We had a strong connection.

  • Yeah.

  • And then I came on Will & Grace.

  • Yes.

  • And I played a lesbian with my best friend, Mary McCormick.

  • We played a lesbian couple.

  • She was a little bit domineering, which is basically

  • our relationship in real life.

  • I love her.

  • And--

  • She's great.

  • And we had a really--

  • I had a very hard time being on a sitcom.

  • And you guys were trying to be very nice.

  • You were fantastic.

  • I'm not good reading other people's lines.

  • I'm better when I just say what I feel like.

  • Yeah.

  • But you were really truly, truly fantastic.

  • And I was-- you really were.

  • It was hilarious.

  • [INAUDIBLE] It was bad.

  • It was bad.

  • I watched the show.

  • I was there.

  • And you were amazing.

  • The taping-- the taping of the show ended up being fine.

  • But the rehearsals.

  • Like I don't prepare for things, and they do.

  • So when I came on thinking, I'm like hot.

  • I'm like, oh, yeah, Will & Grace.

  • I can nail this.

  • And then, like, you know, two days into rehearsal,

  • they're, like, you need to learn your lines, little girl.

  • And then you were like, can you run lines with me?

  • And I was like busy.

  • No, I'm kidding.

  • Will you make friends with me.

  • No, you were so sweet and so funny.

  • Do you-- have you ever played a lesbian in real life?

  • I have played a lesbian in real life.

  • You have?

  • Yeah, I went to college.

  • Well, I didn't, but I acted like I did.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Wait, you didn't go to college?

  • I did not get accepted anywhere.

  • No.

  • What about now?

  • Try now.

  • I mean, I would probably get in now.

  • I took my SATs--

  • If you could ski there, you'd go.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Yeah, if you could take skiing-- if you could take college

  • while you're skiing.

  • Sure.

  • So I didn't take school seriously,

  • so, no, I didn't get in.

  • I didn't go to college because I didn't apply to college.

  • Well, it's good that this is a daytime show.

  • So, listen, Mary--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Mary McCormack is posting PSAs on social media

  • to help you find love.

  • I'm just trying to cast a wide net.

  • And I-- and she's encouraging me to spread that message,

  • that I'm available and ready for a relationship.

  • So I'm saying it over and over and over again.

  • OK, so what kind of guy are you looking for?

  • Uh--

  • Like, what do you look for in a guy?

  • Like physical first?

  • I want physical ruggedness.

  • Does it matter?

  • Brains?

  • Ruggedness.

  • Somebody who can pick me up and throw me around,

  • if I need that to happen.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • You know, not like a requirement daily--