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  • RICK HARRISON: Chum, didn't, like,

  • sagging and showing your underwear, like,

  • end in the '90s?

  • Pull your pants up.

  • I had to match my underwear and my shoes to your rosy

  • red cheeks today [CHUCKLES].

  • [CHUCKLES]

  • Was that supposed to be funny?

  • It's funny that you're checking out Chum's underwear.

  • Enough with being a comedian, all right?

  • I mean, I think I could write some material.

  • I mean, I'm pretty funny.

  • You sure about that, man?

  • I don't know if you're necessarily a comedian.

  • AUSTIN 'CHUMLEE' RUSSELL: Why are

  • you guys acting like haters?

  • RICK HARRISON: You land one joke.

  • It does not make you a comedian.

  • OK, you stand up on stage.

  • It's a completely different world.

  • Bah humbug.

  • OK, why are you saying bah humbug?

  • Because that's what you're acting like--

  • Scrooge right now.

  • And it ain't even close to Christmas.

  • Oh, another one.

  • I just wrote that right now in my head.

  • Antwaun?

  • What up, man?

  • AUSTIN 'CHUMLEE' RUSSELL: You think I'm funny, right?

  • ANTWAUN AUSTIN: Yeah. - Yeah.

  • You interrupted my lunch to say that?

  • AUSTIN 'CHUMLEE' RUSSELL: The guys

  • all think I'm funny, but not funny enough to be a comedian.

  • Just wait, because I've been working on some new material

  • that will speak for itself.

  • What's the deal with chips?

  • I mean, what's the deal with air.

  • I thought it was free, until I opened up a bag of chips.

  • I mean, jeez, have you seen how much is in there?

  • Yeah?

  • OK.

  • Give me another one.

  • Another joke-- [SIGHS].

  • What do you call a woman that flies an airplane?

  • A pilot.

  • OK, OK.

  • How come a leopard can't play hide and seek?

  • Because he's always spotted.

  • [CHUCKLING]

  • Hey, did you hear about the scarecrow that won

  • a lifetime achievement award?

  • No.

  • Yeah, he was outstanding in his field.

  • That's-- that's a good one, Chum.

  • COREY HARRISON: What the hell's going on?

  • I'm gonna be a stand-up comedian.

  • COREY HARRISON: Well, why don't you

  • stand up and get to work now?

  • All right, but--

  • COREY HARRISON: So let's go.

  • Have you heard about the guy who lost his--

  • COREY HARRISON: Get-- get-- No.

  • You heard about the guy who left his--

  • No. No.

  • No.

  • ANTWAUN AUSTIN: He was pretty good, Corey.

  • COREY HARRISON: Don't encourage him, Antwaun.

  • Yo, Travy Trav.

  • What up, big time?

  • Open mic night, Wolf Theater.

  • Chum daddy's gonna perform.

  • What are you doing, karaoke?

  • No, I'm gonna be a stand-up comedian.

  • No way.

  • Yeah.

  • You're gonna be a what?

  • Stand-up comedian.

  • You want to come, big hoss?

  • He's already a comedian here.

  • RICK HARRISON: This is just not a joke.

  • I mean, you have to have jokes that everyone understands.

  • I mean, be prepared.

  • People might heckle you.

  • You know--

  • The world is my stage, Rick.

  • I'm on it every single day, so I'll be just fine.

  • You know, you got to be prepared to maybe

  • have your feelings hurt.

  • Or after this, Dave Chapelle could call me up and be like,

  • yo, I want to hire you.

  • Want to have fun?

  • Come see Chum.

  • AUSTIN 'CHUMLEE' RUSSELL: You like that catch line?

  • RICK HARRISON: Oh, this is gonna be good.

  • I can count on you to be there, right, big hoss?

  • RICK HARRISON: Oh, I'll be there, buddy.

  • I'll come, Chum.

  • I will be there for moral support, I guess.

  • Or to pick up the pieces.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • MC: I-- I got a special treat for you guys.

  • This is his first time going up on stage.

  • He's a local here in Vegas.

  • Give it up for my friend, Chumlee.

  • [CHEERING]

  • Hey, Las Vegas, how you doing tonight?

  • [CHEERING]

  • All right, well, thanks for coming out here.

  • I know there's a lot of other shows

  • you could have attended in Las Vegas, but let's face it.

  • You're all just too poor to attend them.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • So I work in this pawnshop with this old guy, my boss,

  • Nick, and my friend, Big House.

  • I mean, this guy is such a bad-ass he drives a Harley

  • right up to the trailer.

  • Then drives the trailer to a bike

  • show to show off the Harley.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • No, but really, he's a bad-ass.

  • He goes to the grocery store, gets two free samples,

  • and gets away with it.

  • No, I'm just kidding, though.

  • My buddy, Big House, just lost to a bunch of weight recently.

  • Now if he could just get a personality, some good looks,

  • a hobby, self-respect, a hug, and some good hair,

  • I think he'd be all right.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Big house.

  • Yeah, someone's on toilet duty at the pawn shop.

  • AUSTIN 'CHUMLEE' RUSSELL: My third boss, Nick, you wouldn't

  • believe how fat and bald he is.

  • I mean, when he's in the restrooms,

  • people are using the back of his head to check their hair.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • See, my boss, he claims to know everything,

  • but apparently he doesn't know the food pyramid.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I have to admit.

  • Some of his jokes were pretty good.

  • The ones about Corey, anyway, were really good.

  • Hey, what's goin' on, guys?

  • AUSTIN 'CHUMLEE' RUSSELL: Hey, what did you guys think?

  • You're lucky the old man wasn't here,

  • because he doesn't take a joke that well.

  • Well, there was nothing in there about him, so.

  • They're fictional characters that I made up--

  • Sure.

  • --for my stand-up comedy.

  • All right, all right [INAUDIBLE]..

  • Well, you did good, buddy, but don't quit your day job yet,

  • all right?

  • All right, you guys want to go get something to eat?

  • No.

  • I-- I have a whole complex about my weight now.

RICK HARRISON: Chum, didn't, like,

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