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  • I am excited to be here.

  • Let's get into it.

  • Earlier today I was a little bit of reflecting, you know, reflecting a reflection.

  • It doesn't matter.

  • Sitting on the toilet drinking vodka, uh, you reflect your way.

  • I reflect mine.

  • And I were just talking about how l A is like earlier today I was just walking through Hollywood, just hanging out 11 o'clock in the morning showing do comes up, You got me crack.

  • Maybe I'm not a drug snap.

  • I don't judge people of what they do.

  • Recreational e.

  • And if you would ask for weed 11 o'clock in the morning, sunny day, no big deal butt crack.

  • That's a nighttime request.

  • Dusk.

  • Bare minimum Son should be on his way down before you ask for that.

  • And then I had to realize some When someone asks you if you personally have crack, it forces you to reevaluate your life because like I said, I was walking on the Strip.

  • It was a lot of people around I'm like, but it wasn't like it was a deserted road was like just me and the crack.

  • He There's a lot of people like What about me?

  • Do I look, crack iss.

  • I wasn't wearing a I heart crack shirt like that was, and even more tripped out than him asking Was that I checked?

  • I don't even know.

  • Dude, I think I've made giving away my last piece.

  • Sure how this works out.

  • So that started out my day.

  • And then my doctor told me that I might need glasses.

  • Yeah, for reading?

  • Yeah.

  • Yeah.

  • So I had to make the hard decision, you know, to stop reading.

  • I got colors and shapes down.

  • I'm pretty good silhouettes and stuff like that.

  • It's fine.

  • It's fine.

  • The beauty again.

  • No, Toto, is that you?

  • Certain things, You.

  • Except by the way.

  • I knew I was getting older when I started rooting against the kids and scary movies.

  • You know?

  • Exactly.

  • You know, remember how you watch Friday, the 13th Halloween.

  • Teenagers do some stupid over billions, but you still want him to make it.

  • You want him to live?

  • You like running a Barneys?

  • Coming running now.

  • I'm like your mom and dad told you not to leave the house.

  • It's a school night.

  • You're being disrespectful.

  • This is on you.

  • They in the barn.

  • Jason, go get him spank him first.

  • They was drinking too.

  • It's fine.

  • It's fine.

  • Like I said, the beauty of getting older is that you accept certain things about your life.

  • Like I'm a man.

  • But I'm a specific type of man.

  • Example.

  • Ladies.

  • I'm type of guy that we go out for the evening and somebody disrespects you.

  • I will defend your honor.

  • Yeah, but I understand the level of defense depends on the size of the offender.

  • No, really.

  • In my heart, I want to be like, Yo, do what did you say?

  • But it might be like What?

  • It's babe.

  • What did you say?

  • I just want to get both sides of the story.

  • To be fair, you do tend to talk a lot.

  • Certain things.

  • I do not do any more.

  • Uh, getting older eyes, strip clubs.

  • Yeah, I can't.

  • First of all, because the strippers seem to be the same age they were when I started going to strip clubs, which is inappropriate because I got kids.

  • You know, you go to strip clubs and, like, who's your daddy now?

  • I'm like, Where's your father?

  • The last field club I went to, the girl came up and she's like, Hey, if you want to make this more than a dance, we can.

  • But understanding my prices are negotiable.

  • But be respectful because the last person I was with gave me $1000.

  • Now, let me tell you, something is different between older, me and younger.

  • Me younger me would have found $1000.

  • I would've started a paper route, lemonade stand, developed an app, whatever I gotta do.

  • I already got that money Me now when she said $1000 I'm like, I'm right now arguing with direct TV over $20 and I get 300 channels.

  • So you getting 1000 for one?

  • Know that, don't you?

  • Well, sounds fiscally responsible for that price.

  • You'll have to stay for a while, like a week, and it'll just be sexy.

  • There's gonna be some chores involved, too.

  • I don't know about being in the movie, but I do need this living room painted on.

  • So suit up, mash it is before get out here, fellas.

  • You think it's okay to go to strip clubs of you in a relationship no one do with a rest?

  • I was like What Air strip clubs is that where you go to worship?

  • Is that a place of the Lord?

  • I wouldn't do it either, fellas, but not because I would be tempted to do anything at the strip club, ladies, but because I don't want to have to explain my wife that I was at a strip club, just in case something messed up happens.

  • Like what if I get shot at the strip club?

  • You can't explain.

  • That's my wife.

  • Like, ma'am, we got something to tell you.

  • What is it?

  • I'm gonna play both parts.

  • It's about your husband.

  • What happened?

  • He was shot.

  • Oh, my God.

  • He was shot and killed.

  • Oh, my God.

  • He was killed.

  • A strip club.

  • What?

  • He was shot and killed a strip club.

  • We need you to come down, identify his remains, forget his remains.

  • You tell the girl he was going to dance from identifies remains.

  • That's why he can't pay the $20 on the cable bill.

  • My point is, I don't want to be laying there dying on the strip club floor.

  • It had a cop.

  • Come on, be like Mr Barnett.

  • Don't look like you're gonna make it.

  • And I'd be like, Okay, Can you drag my body down the street right next to the church?

  • Please?

  • Please work this glitter off my forehead.

I am excited to be here.

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