Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • Hey, tech later.

  • And welcome back to coffee time with your host attack lead.

  • Now, a week ago, I have made this video about how my wife just picked up everything and left and took my kid.

  • But I wanted to expand on this topic a little bit more to explain about how you can manage and protect your assets in a relationship.

  • It may be too late for me, actually, because it's all happened and I might be fleeced.

  • But it's not too late for you.

  • Necessarily before we get started, though, I do want to thank everybody for all of their kind, heartfelt words and comments, thoughts and prayers that you have been sending my way.

  • Keep at it.

  • And the biggest message that I really wanted to get across is that fathers are important for Children.

  • Tons of research shows this.

  • I'm going to do a bit of Q and A at the end of the video, so stick around for that.

  • But the topic at hand is why is managing money important in a relationship?

  • And the reason is that at some point, even though you don't believe it now, you may find yourself married to a go to digger.

  • Nobody marries a go digger at first, you know everything is lovey dovey, and people love each other.

  • But as time goes on and the relationship sours, the your spouse may become a gold digger, and they're just out to take everything that they can.

  • People's senses of right and wrong is not based on the moral compass in this, based on the law.

  • So if the law says that you deserve half, you're going to go on and just take half, even though that may not necessarily be fair based on you know what, you have been contributing what you may deserve.

  • But people would just say, You know what?

  • If they're entitled to half, they're going to go and try and get that.

  • And then if they're entitled tomorrow, they're going to go and get that, too.

  • And the relationship can go south for so many different reasons, right?

  • Like maybe over time, the love just fades.

  • Maybe someone has an affair cheats on you.

  • There's geographical reasons, cultural reasons.

  • It could simply just be that two people, even on amicable terms, they just decide that they want to move on, even though that's there now, your assets could be at risk if you're not really managing it now.

  • What interesting thing is, when I was talking to my lawyer, he was telling me that this sort of case, where there's relationship psychos, our happened quite often in Silicon Valley simply because you have the successful workers.

  • They're working in tech.

  • They're extremely logical, and the way they think is almost like a computer program, right?

  • And then they marry somebody that is normal.

  • So then the relationship just doesn't really work out well, there's often issues with geographical location.

  • Just love people who come to Silicon Valley from other parts of the world, and then they leave their families behind.

  • So the serve scenario is actually quite relevant to tech.

  • It's just something that I think is not discussed so much, so here's what you need to know.

  • First of all, if you were to not get married, then it's so clean and clear about what's going on.

  • And so if you don't want the government involved in your relationship telling you how you need to manage your personal finance between each other, then simply not getting married is one potential option and you can still go through the whole ceremony, have a great time.

  • And it may even help your relationship because both people will need to still treat each other well, because there's no string time you guys together, anyone can still leave at any moment.

  • In my mind, that may actually help a relationship, because both people have to be working for each other every single day and treating each other well.

  • But let's pretend you are married or you're planning to get married.

  • So here's what would happen.

  • The first thing you need to know is community property, for it's a separate property, so certain states like California have a rule about community property or separate property.

  • Some states, like New York, used something called equitable property.

  • But the idea is generally that once you get married, all of your assets income earned during that time from the day of marriage to day of separation that is split down the middle 50 50.

  • So any of your employment income, stock days, real estate things, maybe you're working on the site business that your spouse doesn't really support all of that in any case is still going to be cut down half 50 50.

  • If you start mixing your personal property with your stretch property, for example, you take all of the money that you had before the marriage takes, um, that you earned during the marriage, and then you buy a house with that.

  • That house may be categorized as commingled property.

  • It's just shared, and it could be divided 50 50 down the middle at some point.

  • So there are three ways to approach this.

  • Some people would say that you have a separate account for your own stuff, and you always keep that separate, and you never mix the two.

  • So when you get married, you can open up a new bank account that makes it very clear about where your separate and community property are split.

  • So where the system breaks down this, let's imagine you have a high income earner.

  • Let's say a woman.

  • And she marries a poor waiter and supports him throughout two years of marriage, and then they split after that.

  • Well, in this scenario, all of the income earned during that time during those two years would be split 50 50 down the middle, all of her side businesses, stock, capital gains, real estate investments, anything that was there, and then the waiter would just be going off with maybe millions on his next journey.

  • Now that's not.

  • Although he may get more, there's something called alimony.

  • Alimony is spousal support.

  • The way this works is generally for half the duration of your marriage.

  • The breadwinner with have to support the other spouse by about half of their income.

  • So in this scenario where you have a couple who has been married for two years, even after they split, the higher income earner may still have to be paying the other spouse half of their income for another year, which could turn out to be a lot.

  • And the reason this is so messed up sort of is because let's talk about Silicon Valley.

  • In Silicon Valley, incomes are usually pretty high, but the cost of living is crazy, too.

  • So the to kind of even that.

  • But if you have one spouse who is continuing to work in Silicon Valley and they're paying half of their income to another spouse who has decided to leave, that other spouse could be living like a king or a queen in some other part of the country or the world, and then the person living and working in Silicon Valley with only half of their income, they would not be able to actually have a decent standard of living here because housing is just so ridiculous.

  • They would be living in like a rat hole.

  • If you happen to have a child or even multiple Children, there is child support.

  • The way this works is you have to pay child support until the kids like age 18.

  • Pretty much the way this is calculated is you take a bunch of numbers like your income but the inside the computer program.

  • And then they will tell you how much you need to pay for me.

  • It's like three K a month, which I'm all for child support.

  • But I just kind of wonder, Why would a kid need three K a month?

  • That's like a 36 K income post tax money.

  • So in pretax terms is like a 50 taste salary, just the support kid, and it's like, What's that kid's going to spend all that money for?

  • So you can see how costs can really start to add up, especially as your marriage gets longer or if you have more Children.

  • And at some point, if you have a non working spouse, that's boss is going to have the option to just press this button in which they will be able to get years of alimony, tons of money.

  • It's kind of like a growing lottery ticket, and at that point they wouldn't have to ask for your permission on any of these purchases.

  • Like especially it say, if their parents start to get sick and they won, they use all of the funds to support their own parents and not your own Children.

  • They can do that.

  • If they wanted to write, they can just take control half of the assets and put the into their own parents and then take the remaining amount and put into their Children.

  • It's just whatever they care about that you may not necessarily care as much as they do I care about.

  • I would seriously look into a pre nup or post nup.

  • Now I know a lot people don't want to get prenup.

  • I did not want to get one myself, and I didn't because I just thought it would ruin the move you know, people are having a great time.

  • They love each other, they're young.

  • And you just think that the relationship will last forever.

  • Even though statistically, we all know, like half of marriages, maybe end up badly a prenup or posting up if you're not even able to talk about it with your spouse, right?

  • A money issue.

  • Ah, hard fact of reality.

  • And if talking about this put your whole relationship at risk, you may want to think about if you're really ready for marriage because there are so many difficult other decisions that will happen down the road in a real relationship.

  • Right?

  • Instead of just thinking about which bar or restaurant you're gonna go to, what drinks you're gonna order which trip you're going to go on together, right?

  • Like everyone can put on a smile when times are good.

  • But it is when times are rough that you see someone's true nature and personality.

  • How did they compromise?

  • How do they resolve issues?

  • So I would recommend at least thinking about a prenup or posting up.

  • When you have that in hand, you know exactly what you're signing up for.

  • When you signed your marriage certificate and then maybe sir present, too.

  • But lawyers are super expensive.

  • It's like 500 to $800 per hour.

  • It's crazy.

  • And that could be like a bankruptcy event by itself.

  • And the lawyers are just going to want to drag on your case for as long as they possibly can.

  • And then the last final, interesting portion to think about is a living trust, which I think is pretty interesting.

  • I think a lot of people should get on board with this.

  • A living trust is your estate plan, which is what happens when you die.

  • So here's an interesting consideration that has been bothering me a little bit as well.

  • Imagine that you're married to somebody and it's a great marriage.

  • It's fantastic.

  • And then at the end of the marriage, somebody dies and then the other spouse.

  • After a few years of grieving, maybe they go off and re marry somebody else, and maybe they even have more kids.

  • Or maybe they don't even get remarried.

  • But then their aging parents get sick, so they take all of the funds that you have earned throughout your lifetime, and they use it to either support their new family, or they use it to support their aging parents hospital bills.

  • And then your kid could be left with very little right if you have Children.

  • So with an estate plan, where you can say is, Well, you want to ensure that when you die, you take your half of the assets and you're going to take a portion of that and just lock it into this fund that is reserved only for your Children, such that it's not being used to support some other purpose that you don't really want to support.

  • You know there may be things that are important to your spouse that aren't necessarily important for you.

  • And this could be even many years later down the road.

  • Win priority Start to shift.

  • It may not even be the fault of your surviving spouse.

  • Maybe someone just sues that person for a 1,000,000 bucks and then claims all the money, and then your kid is left with nothing.

  • So a living trust can also protect your assets in that way.

  • So that's all I've got for you guys.

  • Good things to think about.

  • Not before I close this out.

  • I don't want to answer some of the Q and A from the comments of the last video.

  • How did that feel?

  • Coming back to this empty apartment was terrifying for me.

  • Within the first month or so, I could not just come back because it was so sad.

  • Whenever I found some remnants, some item in the toy that might ID or wife used to have.

  • I was doing just fine, actually, until I read all the comments that you guys put in.

  • And that made me savage in another question.

  • That I actually monetize that video.

  • Yeah, I'm monetizing my depression.

  • Well, I go back and chase my wife and kid in Japan.

  • I thought about it, and in fact, I even asked my wife could go visit.

  • She said no, even after several months.

  • So go figure.

  • Isn't this illegal?

  • Yeah, it probably is.

  • And under the Hug convention, I can go pursue them.

  • But the thing is, I just don't want to cause any more trauma for my kid.

  • And I think my wife, she's actually a great mother to the kids, so I rather just let the situation be.

  • Why am I so focused on money?

  • I'm not actually But it's just a common thing that I want to talk to you guys about.

  • And I think it's pretty interesting to discuss.

  • We need to maintain some focus and my autistic, or do I have Asperger's?

  • The answer is no.

  • Why did I only get her a $30 birthday gift?

  • I think that this was a pretty funny question.

  • Actually.

  • The thing is that as you get older, you pretty much have everything like that initial honeymoon period where you're buying and splurging on nice shoes and bags.

  • After a number of years, you pretty much have all of that stuff is like trying to buy present for your parents.

  • Your parents just have everything, and they're actually trying to get rid of stuff.

  • And sure, you could go buy them like a $300 piece of clothing or something like that.