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  • To prove I could handle owning my dream pet,

  • I first had to look after a series of other creatures, each one bigger than the last.

  • Ok. Let's start with the dream pet shall we, that we're working towards.

  • Ok, what's the dream pet? The dream pet was a lizard. Woah.

  • I would've picked a bigger dream pet than that. Well you'd have to wouldn't you.

  • What was the sequence of animals you had to work up to?

  • So, I started off with woodlice.

  • Woodlice?

  • They make a lovely pet.

  • Basically what happened was, my mum said 'You can't have a lizard,

  • you need to prove-'. How big was your lizard that you were hoping for?

  • One that could like fit on my forearm. Like that.

  • That big? An iguana?

  • Yeah, something like that.

  • You're not thinking of a crocodile. No-

  • So my parents were like 'If you want to get a lizard,

  • you've obviously got to prove that you can look after animals'.

  • And how did you prove with the woodlouse that you were a responsible owner?

  • I had to just look after them for a week and keep them alive for a week.

  • How did you do that with a woodlouse?

  • Just let them get on with it. Turns out they're pretty good, they can look after themselves.

  • So you took a woodlouse from under a stone- A log. Under a log.

  • Are you sure it wasn't a vlog?

  • What are you doing?

  • Writing that joke down.

  • So you took the woodlouse and what did you put it in?

  • In a little plastic container.

  • With food or with? Bits of the log, bit of grass, that kinda thing.

  • Sounds like louse-y accommodation.

  • Don't write that one down, Rob.

  • At the end of the week, it was still alive? Yep.

  • And your parents said 'Great, it's time to upgrade to a..'

  • Stick insects.

  • Where did you find that?

  • So my cousin had some, and I was really jealous of them, I really liked them.

  • So he gave me some of his. And then I looked after them for a bit.

  • How did you look after them?

  • I had like an empty lollypop jar.

  • What had to happen to the woodlouse though?

  • I forgot about- they were actually quite boring pets. They don't do a lot.

  • Not very affectionate, are they?

  • It wouldn't be better if they were.

  • Go into the garden and all the woodlice are bounding up to you, trying to lick your face.

  • That's the thing.

  • How long did you have to keep these stick insects alive?

  • Just for another week. And then at the end of that week?

  • This is where it all changed. So then was my first trip to the pet shop.

  • A horse?

  • I then got two giant African land snails to look after.

  • And that was a whole different ball game.

  • You're gotta keep them moist at all times.

  • So you've gotta make sure it's warm and wet, cause they like that.

  • That's when they're the most active.

  • So what did you keep them in?

  • A big container, like a big-

  • what you put stuff in and put it under your bed. What's it called?

  • A drawer. That's it. One of those plastic-

  • A lovely hot, wet drawer.

  • Did you give these land snails names?

  • I did yes: Stanley and Shelly.

  • Oh Shelly. I like that.

  • Shelly 'cause of the-

  • write that one down Rob.

  • You may be good at dancing, but I'll decide which jokes make my book.

  • What did you- what was the next step after the snail?

  • The next step would've been the lizard,

  • but it's the fact that I had these snails for so long.

  • I just got bored of wanting any pet.

  • It made me realise that maybe I'm not ready for any pet.

  • Very good parenting. Yeah.

  • Literally waiting for the snails to die put you off the lizard.

  • Alright, what do you think? It sounds believable.

  • It sounds believable. I think it's true.

  • You think it's true.

  • So Joe, were you telling the truth then, or were you telling a lie?

  • It is in fact..

  • True.

To prove I could handle owning my dream pet,

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