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  • So what are you guys having?

  • Kids?

  • Never.

  • Wow.

  • Not even telling Mom, you know, definitely no case.

  • I'm on teen Mom.

  • She stopped taking birth.

  • Control's I'm trying to figure out way are here.

  • Um, during what?

  • Selling out slash.

  • Probably gonna ruin our relationship.

  • Slash doing exactly what you said.

  • You never would when you announced we were dating?

  • Yes.

  • Let me once.

  • I can't explain.

  • Why am I clapping?

  • Why am I angry?

  • I know When I originally posted instagram of me and him for the first time, I was like, Listen, I specifically said, Don't worry, I I don't want to exploit this or do boyfriend tags literally.

  • Do the boyfriend tied, like a week later?

  • Corny.

  • That dumb shit.

  • I still stand by that.

  • But I feel like now that I know for sure I'm not dumping you like i k now.

  • I did it.

  • I actually did.

  • Do you not know about You look scared?

  • What?

  • Like maybe a month into the relationship?

  • I was so nervous because I was just like you're gonna leave me.

  • Why are you with me?

  • That noise was gross.

  • So then I got, like, paranoid, So I tried to catfish.

  • You what?

  • That my boy.

  • You have used a different profile and talk to her that make sure it was the same person.

  • Are you when you say it like that sounds crazy.

  • I know.

  • Okay, here's what Actually, I went on to another dating app, and I found you on this.

  • I just like, Hey, sexy.

  • What are you doing?

  • And I was like, If he replies then Oh, my God, I can't trust him.

  • But you never Oh, so we actually did not meet on Tender.

  • We met on something called Bumble Butt.

  • Bumble is like, how does relevant is her?

  • So we're gonna be saying Tender, let's open up the app.

  • Okay, so I think first, we should show them our profiles.

  • You first.

  • Okay, so here's mine.

  • So I feel like that's just like a classy like I work out.

  • That's actually a great photo.

  • Really?

  • You're well trimmed.

  • Your hair looks good.

  • Can you see the pimple that I do?

  • Oh, no.

  • Well, then it never happened.

  • Let's go to the next one.

  • That one slightly more sexual, in my opinion, like that's like me on top of you.

  • That, to me, is showing you that I'm on top of you, if you know what I say.

  • So you're about This is my next one.

  • I like this one because I look tired.

  • You have a really good face.

  • That is a nexus thing you've ever said.

  • The morning.

  • Look at my face, though the more I looked like a cartoon.

  • Now no, I'm saying I'm fat because I don't look fat in this picture.

  • Don't worry.

  • Attitude.

  • I don't think you to your face that you see the world, honey, I'm a professional.

  • Next picture.

  • So that's a picture of Major and Trish.

  • I'm gonna give it.

  • Really?

  • I debated not putting this one on because I didn't want it to look like Look, I know famous people, but it was more like I thought my neck looked good and I thought it looked like there was already a dick in it.

  • Just like protruding.

  • Yeah.

  • I mean, I feel like my dignity.

  • Oh, that trigger you.

  • Okay, so this is a picture of me and my dog.

  • The dog looks terrified.

  • Looks like held me.

  • I hate my owner.

  • So I felt like that was a good like, Hey, if we start dating.

  • We're gonna get an animal.

  • It's gonna hate me.

  • Psychic twins are quaking.

  • Last one is me holding a bottle of hot sauce, which is you, that is honestly, do you mean picture?

  • All right, let's go to your diary.

  • Oh, I really like somebody.

  • Wait, what were you saying?

  • What's your bio?

  • It says I like movies, food, jokes and people who aren't afraid of eating themselves.

  • If you have a dog or have this screen trilogy box set, that's a plus.

  • I didn't need her.

  • And you have no jokes, and you didn't like it, so it was a problem.

  • I like food.

  • No, Chuck, stop.

  • All right, let's get your profile.

  • So my first photo is a car selfie that literally looks like you're in a Christian rock group.

  • Like it worked for you because I'm fucked up to me.

  • I was just like, yes, fucking fucking a men.

  • Get on your knees praying my next photo is of me and my friend Marisa playing beer pong like, See, this was my problem with your profile.

  • Every picture was a different person.

  • First, we had, like, a weird youth minister who's like, wanna play it up.

  • Step it up a bit.

  • Yes, The second photo.

  • I have, like a bro drinks beer.

  • Like talks like this.

  • My hair is Donna.

  • Wait.

  • You're nice to make it seem like I actually drink that beer.

  • Next.

  • This is looking super.

  • Do she?

  • This also doesn't look like you.

  • This looks like somebody who says they're only gay if they get paid for it.

  • Yeah, and it's also it's like I'm 30.

  • I think he's told me so every time that he almost said no because of this boat.

  • I fucking Hey, shirtless pictures.

  • I hate people who take them.

  • And whenever I showed my friend your profile, I would like to not show that Wait.

  • There's one more, like delete fucking grows it out the window, breaks it.

  • Why did you take this?

  • Also took it.

  • Did you set this up on a tripod?

  • I think I did.

  • Was this poor dating?

  • I don't know.

  • You look like a sad out of work actor who's like Disney.

  • I'm still around and they're like, you're 30.

  • Let's go through our conversation.

  • This is gonna get Really?

  • Let's have sexy music way.

  • Ryan.

  • Hey, man.

  • Hello.

  • How are you?

  • doing so just to let you guys know When I said Ryan with an exclamation point, I was saying that as if like, I know who you are.

  • I know you know who I am because long story short, we have mutual friends.

  • So, like, I'm assuming he knows way right.

  • So I said, start with exclamation point.

  • That was intense.

  • I'm a friend of Lily, and I could've sworn that you've met me at some point, but maybe we didn't.

  • Anyway, I'm doing good.

  • How about you?

  • So embarrassed that I gave you the exclamation mark is bitch or something?

  • I don't get it.

  • I just like you didn't know who I waas.

  • I thought you were over enthusiastic about talking to me.

  • And I said, This is awkward because I actually have seen this person before he got on.

  • That was crazy.

  • You know, I hate that.

  • Okay, I said, I'm laughing at you, possibly taking back your initial explanation markets.

  • I was gonna clock that one because I was like, explanation.

  • I can't go with that.

  • I said I was feeling like that wasn't Oh, I've seen you, but also wasn't sure you knew.

  • Anyways, Lily didn't show me the video you guys made on your channel.

  • It was something.

  • So here's what happened.

  • I did a video with a youtuber named Lily, and it was really gross.

  • So then I put it to brush up my ass.

  • I used a plunger when I started to sit on their way through your ass.

  • Yes.

  • So that was the first video he had seen of me.

  • Okay, let's continue.

  • Oh, God.

  • The fact that you saw that video and then block me a myth is an actual miracle.

  • Honestly, I take back its point.

  • Anyways, I instantly felt like a 12 year old girl after I hit Send as a hot No tick bags were so fucking flirty.

  • You'll forever be known as the man who reached out to me with an explanation.

  • Honestly, it's better than referring to me.

  • It's the guy I met on Bumble.

  • You guys nobody wants.