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  • - Hey Dudes!

  • I'm Hilah and today on Hilah cooking

  • we're making Beer Cheese Soup.

  • That's kind of a weird one.

  • But, it ties in to a tale,

  • an American History tale,

  • that you're going to hear about

  • George Washington crossing the Delaware,

  • and it happened on a very special day.

  • And to tell the tale, ladies and gentlemen,

  • my friend,

  • historian,

  • comedian,

  • Dawn Brody, everyone!

  • - Hi!

  • Hi, hi. Thanks for having me.

  • - Hey Dawn.

  • - I blew it. - You kinda blew it.

  • - I'll do it over here.

  • - Yeah, yeah try that again.

  • (upbeat music)

  • - I'm so excited to be here.

  • (laughing)

  • I am. I love soup,

  • I love beer, I love cheese.

  • - It was your idea to make this soup in the first place.

  • - I know!

  • Because anytime somebody says, "What should we make?"

  • I'm like Chex Mix, beer cheese soup.

  • Those are my two things.

  • (laughing)

  • But I was like, you're way too sophisticated a cook.

  • You're a chef. You don't request Chex Mix.

  • I'm a chef.

  • - So beer cheese soup it is.

  • - Which is I know still probably pretty pedestrian.

  • - Dude, I tested it the other day.

  • It was delicious. - Yeah!

  • - I was, I've never even eaten beer cheese soup.

  • - Now, I'm from rural Wisconsin.

  • And beer cheese soup, if there's a crock pot in a bar...

  • - What? Really?

  • - It probably has beer cheese soup in it.

  • - And you just go serve yourself soup,

  • out of a crock pot in a bar?

  • - Mm hmm.

  • - I'm gonna start sauteing some vegetables.

  • Did you know there's vegetables in this soup?

  • - Sure, some people put vegetables in it.

  • No, it's good. I actually, is it,

  • are you putting carrots vegetables in it?

  • - I am.

  • - Yeah. Yeah. - Oh, okay.

  • - Carrots. Very common.

  • - So, I'm gonna saute-- - I like the amount of butter.

  • This is already a great start.

  • - Yeah, I put in half a stick.

  • I think you could do more.

  • And then I'm gonna add some leeks.

  • I hope that's,

  • I realized too late I didn't have enough onions.

  • But I had leeks.

  • - Leeks are great!

  • - Okay, so I put leeks--

  • - Like I know!

  • - and carrots.

  • My people approve!

  • (laughing)

  • Great.

  • - I'm gonna add a little bit of salt,

  • to help it soften up.

  • - Oooh, it already smells so good!

  • - So, this is gonna cook for 10 minutes.

  • Which I think is plenty of time,

  • for us to hear your American Tale.

  • So Dawn actually is an historian.

  • - Yes.

  • - And also an actor and a comedian.

  • So she tells very interesting historical tales.

  • - And, am I allowed to swear on your show?

  • - Yes.

  • - Because that's the fact is that some of this is nuts.

  • So before we even knew how many guys we had,

  • or how many guns we had,

  • we are going up against the biggest, baddest military

  • in the history of human civilization.

  • - Britain?

  • - Britain. - Really?

  • - They have more boats, more guys,

  • they've won more. They've been fighting wars,

  • against the Spanish, the French,

  • on land and at sea.

  • - They've just been kicking everybody's ass?

  • - For hundreds of years!

  • Forever!

  • They are strong. They have military.

  • And, the only thing we Colonial Americans

  • know about the military,

  • we learned from Britain.

  • Before we signed the Declaration of Independence,

  • but we're starting to think

  • maybe we're going to war with these.

  • I know, that's a big word.

  • - But in Britain, it actually means friend.

  • - Oh, so yeah! (both laughing)

  • - Frenemies! - Technically.

  • We were like, Oh my gosh,

  • we're actually gonna go to war with these guys.

  • We need to know who's gonna be in charge of the military.

  • And George Washington just shows up

  • (doorbell ringing)

  • in the Continental Congress everyday,

  • wearing his General's uniform.

  • And so they'd be like,

  • ugh! What are we gonna do?

  • We have these problems, we need the Independence written,

  • but we don't have anyone to lead the army!

  • You know?

  • And then, when he takes the job,

  • he says, "Let me explain something.

  • "I don't think I'm good enough for this.

  • "And I don't know if we can win."

  • - Holy shit, you never see that kind of humility.

  • - (whispering) I know.

  • (normal voice) So he, first thing he does,

  • in marches, as General, is he

  • Boston!

  • You're a Boston Grad.

  • - Yep. Went to Boston.

  • I didn't graduate.

  • But thanks. - Not important.

  • Not important!

  • (both laughing)

  • But the city of Boston, as you know, rich,

  • right there on the pivotal axis of all of the stuff.

  • So the British are like, "Oh. No, you won!

  • "That's nuts. I mean to be fair,

  • "we didn't think there was any chance

  • "you were even gonna try."

  • But then they do take New York.

  • - Wait, the British take New York?

  • - Oh, God yeah.

  • - Ohh, so they were like, "You can have Boston,

  • "we're gonna take this one."

  • - Well, yeah kinda. I mean, it was like,

  • we fought really hard. They were just like,

  • "We can't lose in New York!"

  • And we did. (snaps fingers) And it was such a bummer.

  • We lost it because George Washington screwed up.

  • He wasn't being a very good General.

  • And so, now it's getting cold now.

  • End of November, we leave New York.

  • And leaving New York meant, we don't have any tents,

  • stoves, wood, food, women-- - Still no shoes.

  • - Booze,

  • beer!

  • - Oh! - Which George Washington...

  • - That ties into our recipe.

  • - One of his first orders as Commander in Chief,

  • was that every Colonial soldier got a quart of beer a day.

  • - Oh, that's good. - I know.

  • - It's vitamins.

  • - Yeah! And you can't drink the water.

  • That'll kill ya.

  • - Well, and I did read, when I was researching this

  • that old beer, like the old timey beer,

  • was unfiltered, so it actually had a lot more--

  • - Nutrients.

  • - Yeah!

  • Vitamin B and like that.

  • - It was really nutritious, it was good,

  • it was good for you.

  • It was way, like you said, way healthier than water.

  • - Wholesome. - Most of the time. Wholesome.

  • And fun!

  • - Okay, so I'm gonna put in a little bit of flour,

  • and this is gonna thicken up our soup.

  • And I realized, I was so engrossed,

  • I forgot to put in the garlic.

  • So I'm gonna put some garlic in now.

  • I don't think it's too late.

  • - It's never too late for garlic.

  • - Is this looking familiar?

  • - Yeah!

  • It's really, it smells so good.

  • And I think it's hard to screw up.

  • - Oh, this smells so good.

  • - I know, right?

  • - We had some accidents.

  • - These things happen. - They happen.

  • - They happen all the time.

  • - You're drinkin' and talkin'.

  • Okay, so the flour in here is cooked.

  • I'm gonna add this yummy vegetable stock that I made

  • that looks cloudy but it's not.

  • It's just, it is cloudy,

  • but it's just because it's homemade,

  • and I didn't filter it through--

  • - You make your own?

  • See, you are a professional.

  • - A true, - She's the real deal!

  • - Chef.

  • This is gonna be good. - Yeeeah.

  • - Okay, so before you forget about the Delaware,

  • I'm also going to add some spices.

  • Some dry mustard. Does that sound right?

  • - Yeah! In fact,

  • - I did it last time and it was good.

  • - Wisconsin is home to the mustard museum.

  • - No!

  • - Yeah, it's a weird little sideshow place.

  • - I'll have to check that out.

  • - You can make your own mustard seasoning

  • and put it in a bottle.

  • - Oh my gosh. Mail it to a farm and,

  • all right, I added some white pepper

  • and a dash of cayenne.

  • Okay and then we're just gonna let this simmer and thicken

  • while we hear the Tale of the Delaware.

  • - Okay. So, we left George Washington,

  • and our Revolutionary Army, leaving New York,

  • - In a shit-storm. - In tatters.

  • - So Washington's like, "We gotta do something good!"

  • He's heard that the Brits and the Hessians

  • are on the other side of the Delaware River,

  • in Trenton, New Jersey.

  • And his collection of soldiers are on the Pennsylvania side.

  • Of the Delaware River. - And the Hessians are

  • Germans?

  • - So glad you asked that. Yes!

  • Not only are Hessians Germans,

  • they're German mercenaries.

  • - So they're trained fighters?

  • - Trained fighters. Hired and paid by Britain,

  • - Ohh!! - Just to kill Americans.

  • - That's why Britains aren't even so tough.

  • - Well, part of it for sure.

  • - And the Hessians were mean!

  • 'Cause that was their job.

  • So they're stationed over there

  • - No way. - in Trenton, New Jersey,

  • and the Brits have left for the winter.

  • In fact, some of them started to sail back to England.

  • 'Cause they're like, "This is pretty much (brushes hands)

  • "wrapped up! Let's go!"

  • And so, Washington's like, "We can't, we'll die this winter.

  • "We can't just wait around here until spring to fight,

  • "like everyone else.

  • "We're gonna have to do something serious."

  • So he is like, "Everyone needs to come to me.

  • "Come to this side of the Delaware.

  • "We're gonna make a decisive attack.

  • "We need the military to come and gather here."

  • And so, long fascinating story

  • about how long it takes to get there.

  • But ultimately, as many guys are as available,

  • show up. And so, on December 20th,

  • a bunch of new troops arrive, that's good news,

  • that bolsters things.

  • He's like, "There's a few guys down=river from us,

  • "at this Mount Holly. Let's see what they're doing.

  • "Maybe they can come and join us.

  • Goes down to Mount Holly, and these guys,

  • ugh! - Not interested?

  • - They're even hungrier.

  • And they're just like, "Oh, hi."

  • - They're all like (imitates coughing).

  • "We have tuberculosis."

  • - "How you doing?"

  • And they're like (groaning in disgust),

  • "How are you guys doing?"

  • They're like, "Not great."

  • - About to eat my own (drowned out by laughing)

  • - And they're like, "Well you're probably not gonna be

  • "really useful in this attack,

  • "but you know what you can do?

  • "Throw rocks at cars!

  • "Start a dumpster fire!

  • "Piss off some Hessians.

  • "Just get 'em to come down here.

  • "and engage--"

  • - A distraction! - Yeah! Yeah!

  • - You'll probably get killed.

  • - We're all gonna die probably,

  • but you'll die instead of rotting to death on this cot.

  • - Yeah, just get your head chopped off.

  • - You get bayonetted to a tree!

  • That's probably all right.

  • But not. By the way, it took a long time to die that way.

  • So Washington gets to the guys and is like,

  • "The fact is, we're gonna have to cross

  • "this here Delaware River,

  • "and to do that, we're gonna need some boats."

  • So they call in the river people,

  • who bring in the boats.

  • Remember I said loyalists?

  • Lots of people are loyalists?

  • It was a dangerous move.

  • Can I get in on this? - It smells really good.

  • I'm about to add some cheese.

  • - Ooh cheese!

  • I'm using a sharp ched.

  • _ Mmmm! - Okay?

  • Okay, so. - So.

  • - They're making a distraction for the Hessians.

  • - Made the distraction for the Hessians,

  • we call in on the river people

  • we need boats. Right?

  • And some of the people that got to call

  • were like, "George Washington's on the river.

  • "He needs boats so we can get across."

  • We're like, "He what? Nuh-uh."

  • And they told the Hessians, the spy network

  • did its job and told them like, "Get your tiddy up

  • "They're gonna come get you in the boats."

  • And they were like, "Those losers? Forget it."

  • Anyhoo, so they get the boats together.

  • And on Christmas Eve,

  • 1776,

  • I know! Are you excited?

  • - I'm very excited. - Christmas Eve!

  • The boats come in. All the boats are assembled in secret

  • at the bottom.

  • And on Christmas Day, December 25, 1776

  • George Washington, ho-ho-ho, gathers all of his generals

  • and says, "We're gonna do some today.

  • "We're gonna get in these boats,

  • "we're gonna cross this here river,

  • "and we're gonna kill the Hessians.

  • "And the Brits."

  • I know!

  • "We're gonna attack!" Can you believe it?

  • - On Christmas!

  • - They're cold, they're starving, they're dying,

  • they're certain they're out-gunned,

  • - So there's no-- - and we're gonna attack!

  • - Wait, we should not do this on the Lord's day?

  • There was nothing like that?

  • - No. In fact, I think that's a really good point.

  • Not only did no one say no 'cause it's the Lord's day,

  • after their victory, they didn't thank Jesus either.

  • _ What?

  • - One of the most holy days in the Christian religion,

  • an unlikely victory, that arguably saved America,

  • and didn't nobody say, "Thank you, Jesus. Thank you God."

  • You wanna know why?

  • Because it was never a part of the founding of America.

  • That's why. In fact, the exclusion of any organized religion

  • was so fundamental to the founding of America,

  • that even though George Washington saved it

  • on Christmas Day, an arguable Christmas Miracle,

  • did nobody call it a Christmas Miracle.

  • So, it's Christmas Day. And it starts to snow,

  • and it starts to sleet.

  • Three separate groups set out across the river,

  • only one, George Washington's, makes it.

  • Anyway, so George Washington and his group

  • get across the to the other side.

  • So now, it's cold, they're behind schedule,

  • they're out-gunned,

  • they have a third of the number of guys they planned on,

  • and Washington's like, "Let's keep going."

  • 'Cause he had a note in his pocket,

  • the code word, the thing he remembered all the time,

  • "Victory or death."

  • And when the stakes are that high,

  • it's actually not hard to be brave.

  • If you really really really are like,

  • I'm either gonna do this or,

  • you know?

  • - Or I'm gonna die either way.

  • - Victory or death!

  • So, they march in and the Hessians, Germans,

  • Christmas, they drunk, they asleep,

  • which is great! - Easy!

  • - Once they get into the Hessian village,

  • takes like 15 minutes.

  • - And they're like, "So lame."

  • - They kill the general, his name was Rall,

  • he was kind of a dick, so good riddance.

  • But once they killed the general, the Hessians were like,

  • "We're hired. We do not actually care to die today.

  • "We're hired! We don't care." - Yeah.

  • - So they surrender.

  • When he gets back to the other side,

  • and this victory, a couple of those Brits,

  • that had left, were like,

  • "What?" (makes beeping sound) "Turn this around.

  • "I guess the war isn't over."

  • They come back and it's like,

  • "We're gonna have to do something

  • "over the course of the winter."

  • The newspapers publish it, like Holy Hannah, guys!

  • George Washington's, - He did.

  • Made of dicks!

  • (laughing)

  • This guy's made of dicks!

  • - Or vaginas.

  • Vaginas are cool too.

  • - Vaginas are fantastic!

  • Maybe I pop quiz you.

  • - Oh. I'm gonna pop this top. (Dawn screams)

  • And add some beer.

  • - So, pop quiz.

  • - Okay, go.

  • - Signed the Declaration of Independence of course,

  • in July of?

  • - 1776?

  • - Correct!

  • George Washington crosses the Delaware as we just said,

  • in December of?

  • - 76. - Perfect.

  • When does the Revolutionary War end?

  • - I don't know.

  • - Do you have a guess how many years?

  • - Four years?

  • No! - Pretty damn close.

  • - Okay. So, we just added the beer

  • and I used an amber ale,

  • because I thought it would taste the best.

  • - Yeah, it's a great idea.

  • - I feel like hops would be kind of gross.

  • Like, what kind of beer

  • do you think people usually use in this?

  • - I don't know. I feel like my people

  • are usually rockin' a Bug Lite.

  • - Oh!

  • - Miller, Genuine Draft...

  • - Okay.

  • - Maybe a Schlitz.

  • - Whoa, all right. So a malt liquor even could work.

  • - Yeah. I think you're right though.

  • A malty, hoppy, real,

  • too much unique flavor of its own might...

  • - Yeah. - Challenge.

  • - And not be good.

  • - Can I put some?

  • - Yeah, put some crouts. Put some crouts on there.

  • - I was telling you earlier, in Wisconsin, popkern.

  • We usually put popkern.

  • - You call it "popkern"? - Popcorn!

  • - Did we finish the story?

  • - Yeah. Well you did good with your pop quiz.

  • I mean, the trick is, the story's never really over.

  • 'Cause we are the Great American Experiment.

  • - The Experiment's still happening?

  • - We're still going.

  • But yeah, after we won this crazy unlikely battle,

  • then we win this crazy unlikely war.

  • And then we actually win this crazy unlikely democracy.

  • It was all so,

  • I mean the French - there's sill a giant--

  • - The French were like, "We're gonna do that too!"

  • And then they just guillotined all the rich people and

  • it up.

  • - I mean, we should probably do that now.

  • - Oh my God, this smells so good.

  • - Does it get this Wisconsinite Seal of Approval?

  • - Yeah. Ooh, look at all that yummy cheese.

  • Lookit, it does that.

  • - Is that supposed to happen?

  • 'Cause last time I made it, it didn't separate like that.

  • - It depends. - Maybe I over-boiled it.

  • - I think that's kind of the beauty is,

  • it's beer cheese soup!

  • Cheese does this.

  • Some of my people just do that clump of Velveeta.

  • - Which I love Velveeta.

  • This is really good, though.

  • - And you can see how

  • if you were dying in the snow...

  • - And all you had was beer.

  • - And someone's like, "Do you want this beer cheese soup?"

  • You'd be like "Ooohh." (upbeat music playing)

  • - Well thanks for joining me, Dawn.

  • - Thank you for having me!

  • And for telling you this story,

  • and for giving me soup!

  • - I love this soup!

  • Thanks for suggesting Beer Cheese Soup.

  • I never would've made this otherwise.

  • - My pleasure.

  • - Cheers.

  • - Cheers.

  • - Bye!

  • (upbeat music)

- Hey Dudes!

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