One lonely Sunday evening a few weeks ago, I took a trip to my local video store.

Pick up some light entertainment.

I was perusing the family DVD entertainment amongst the likes of The Lion King Toy Story, Bambi Cat Shit one Dumbo.

What touch at first, I thought, had been a monumental cock up the DVD manufacturing plant.

But no.

And as I stood there holding the DVD with a mixture of excitement, the Alderman and surprise, I knew one thing.

I had to read that DVD.

They're two interesting things about catching one.

The first is that, ironically, there's an absence of shit.

It's actually going good.

And the second is there's an absence of cats as well, because it's a two bunny rabbits, one of which is called Package that go around shooting camels, that playing the Taliban way, the name, the premise of the characters on the crime in themselves, just rebuilding the complete not a mind fuck, quite frankly, what what's the most common questions I've got from people back home or outside of our is Japan's safe is their crime in Japan on.

If you got a Japanese girlfriend yet, it's the 1st 2 questions today.

I want to address talk about those people that say I've been eating on health of it my saying so Well, look, there's a basket of fruit on my table.

How can I possibly be too healthy?

You don't get a five figure like this without stiffly to vitamin C and, of course, enjoying fine taste of see each of you.

Let's enjoy cooking with C chicken.

Yeah, forget about what?

First time I realized things were a bit different here was on a trip to the local convenience store to pick up some fried chick to pick up some apples and various other fruits on Dhe.

As I stood there in the car while looking my car like you do I notice that a lot of the other cars in the car park was still running.

Not only that, the drivers were all inside the store shopping, and not just for a quick box of cranky that got in for a full a full blown shopping trip.

It was a bit come so I could understand why they might leave their cars running, but for 15 to 20 minutes unattended with the key store in the ignition in the UK that would take more balls in a metaphorical pulpit or a waiver and stupidity.

I mean, it's a strange experience to be the only one in the car park looking.

You can feeling like a bit of a paranoid fool.

That degree of trust is something I haven't really come across before.

The biggest crime in Japan's bike there for every 100,000 bikes, 6.6 gets stolen 3.3 return because police were that good.

And I cause I don't have to worry about this because I'm the proud owner of the world's crappiest bike.

If I was to actually cycle it Oh, don't want certainly die.

Been a winter on lock in the key.

Got bloody stuff.

It's in the film Sword in the stone.

Somebody if you can pull the key out the bike lock, let me know when you can have the body.

You're not gonna want the bike, that's all.

In fact, she apologised right away.

But I know I've got that boy.

I think the only time I've ever been worried was when I was standing at Hanada Airport on DDE.

I noticed Japanese man with complex to look on his face, staring at my jeans, kind of making its way towards me.

And so I kind of turned the other way.

But then I felt a hand on my leg, and then, yeah, noise spun round and he was standing there with a sticker saying, Medium sized 30 for which he had pulled off the back of my trousers because I'd left them there from the day before.

When I bought them, I was pretty grateful to the man and safe in the knowledge that if I ever want to be touched by Japanese person, all I've got to do is stick later stickers to myself bumble around in a pool of blood media.

Even the most dangerous places are quite safe.

Usually, when you hear most dangerous, it means don't let me go.

For example, the one that usually tops the list is a place called Control, which is in Tokyo.

It's huge entertainment district, many bars, but it's also one of the world's biggest red light districts.

Somewhere I've had the pleasure or misfortune of visiting.

When I went to Table restaurant, which is more or less in the heart of company control, somebody told me of their friend, too.

Uh was led into a bar, charged the gross domestic product of Somalia for a beer, and after refusing to pay, he was found later in an alleyway with his arm facing the wrong way.

It's a red light district.

It's not the same bad story but void ride at Disneyland Tokyo.

Bad things are supposed to happen.

As long as you avoid the Muppets standing the street, trying to drag you off to a cheap bar with cheap shots and free drinks, he'll be all right.

Truth be told, the only time Tokyo feel sinister is if you were listening to the Matrix soundtrack it shipped across.

But it doesn't sound.

That sounds incredibly naive of me to say there is no crime.

It's definitely last year, one point for a 1,000,000 crimes reported.

But again, that's not bad for a country with 100 30 million people, and certainly when compared to other Westernized develops nations, people have a greater sense of discipline.

One thing always gets me is when I see people standing on a road crossing, waiting for the man to turn to greens.

They can cross the road, but even when there's no cars invisible site until the road, they don't cross the way.

Whereas in other countries, and certainly in the UK, there's no there's no cars.

People just cross the right.

Unless Japan is one of the most haunted in those countries in the world, those cultural aspects of discipline on the collective mindset are retained quite nicely across the country.

The only real crime that exists that I've come across is the little things mean.

I get my bills and they cover the winning pig sticker up right to the unions have full sense of security, so it's really the pity.

But no, it's not to build a business every time.

Surely it's a crime to sell cheese so rarely.

There's on par with simultaneous tracks to get hold of him.

When you do, it's in quantities so small and tiny but so expensive it's actually buying This stuff causes.

Surely it's a crime to sell strawberries and cream in a sandwich, which you will obviously and inevitably become addicted to a lead on an almost daily basis.

We'll have to have a kitchen so small you have to use an ironing board to prepare your evening meals.

These are the real crimes in Japan.

The little things, the bad things.

Delicious.

Tasty.

Oh, shit.

Oh!

Oh, go.

It's so good that Jesus Christ.

Oh, my God!

For her.

Whoever thought strawberries and cream blocking.