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  • Yo, Roy!

  • What's goin' on?

  • - Yeah.

  • Yo.

  • How's it goin' over there, man?

  • - I've missed your face, man.

  • This is fun.

  • - I'm all right, man.

  • I'm doin' okay over here.

  • My three-year-old flushed a full bar of soap

  • down the toilet, so for about 14 hours

  • we didn't have nowhere to take a du--

  • Like, you ever had--

  • pray you don't have to take a dump,

  • 'cause you know you can't ta--

  • Like, this is the worst time to need another bathroom.

  • Other than your-- - Wait.

  • Wait, so your son flushed soap down the toilet?

  • - Not soap, don't say soap.

  • It's a bar of soap.

  • A whole ass bar of soap, brand new,

  • and it got clogged in the corner.

  • So I went on Twitter asking questions

  • and somebody-- - But why didn't you just--

  • Yeah, so why didn't you just pull it out?

  • - 'Cause it's down under there.

  • You know, the toilet, the turd goes down, up, and down.

  • When a turd goes-- - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

  • It's that thing.

  • Okay, yeah, that thing.

  • - So the soap was there.

  • So I couldn't get ...

  • - Right.

  • - So I had to ...

  • Hanger, I tried-- (child yelling)

  • - Is that him?

  • - Yeah, man.

  • (laughing)

  • - You know, dude, the only thing worse than coronavirus

  • is having coronavirus shutdown and kids at the same time.

  • I have never been happier to not have a child in my life.

  • (laughing)

  • - He just yells for no reason.

  • (laughing)

  • - Does he even understand what the shutdown is?

  • Does he understand self-distancing.

  • - He think this is spring break.

  • He keeps waking up, he goes, "School?"

  • And I go, "No school."

  • And he goes, "Yeah, no school!"

  • And then I make grilled cheese sandwiches all morning.

  • Grilled cheese and apples every morning.

  • - Man.

  • I feel sorry for you.

  • I'm sorry.

  • - How you doin'?

  • - I'm good, I'm great.

  • I won't lie.

  • Like, I mean, I'm worried about people.

  • I don't know where the world is going.

  • I'll tell you, the biggest stress I have

  • is that I don't know if I have corona or not,

  • 'cause you don't show symptoms,

  • so I don't know if I have it.

  • What if I already had it, and then like,

  • maybe I don't have it anymore.

  • Do you know what I mean?

  • And then like, I'm immune, I could be in the streets.

  • But now I don't know, because I haven't,

  • 'cause I can't get tested.

  • You can't get tested unless you really show symptoms,

  • so I don't know.

  • So, yeah, that's the only frustrating thing for me.

  • - It's like a lot of famous people are getting tested.

  • That's what it seems like.

  • Seem like what you need to do,

  • you need to do what I'm gonna do.

  • I'm joining the NBA.

  • That's how I'm gonna get my test.

  • I already thought about this.

  • I already ordered a jersey and everything.

  • - That doesn't, I don't even know ...

  • What are you saying?

  • - If you want to get tested for corona, join the NBA.

  • NBA show symptom, they test 'em immediately.

  • They tested all of the Utah Jazz.

  • They tested all of the Oklahoma City Thunder.

  • When it first-- - Oh yeah.

  • Yeah, the Brooklyn Nets, I think,

  • what, four players got tested.

  • - Yeah.

  • - Oh, no, four players were confirmed.

  • Yeah, they tested everybody.

  • - Yeah.

  • So, if you want to get a test ...

  • I've been lookin' on the TV,

  • all I see are these corona tests

  • and people lining up at 6:00 in the morning.

  • The testing doesn't start til 9:00.

  • You don't even up that early for Jordans.

  • You get to the mall a hour before it opened for Jordans.

  • And people are there four hours.

  • That's how dire this is.

  • - That's like the new ...

  • The way you just said it makes it sound

  • like corona testing is gonna be the new swag.

  • - Yeah.

  • - Like rappers are gonna be in their videos

  • like, "Yeah, got that corona test.

  • "Got all corona tests."

  • - Yeah, with a (garbled speech)

  • mask on. - Bugattis and corona tests.

  • - With a N95 mask on they face.

  • (laughing)

  • Hey, hey, you ain't got my mask.

  • Bitch I got the mask. - Got that corona test.

  • Yo, yo, corona.

  • Wait, but now ...

  • But now, if you say celebrities get it,

  • then how come we haven't gotten the test?

  • - I think this is ...

  • If there's ever a time to confirm

  • whether or not you an A-list celebrity ...

  • - Wow.

  • - This is the time.

  • 'Cause if you look at the celebrities that's got it,

  • top shelf.

  • Idris Elba.

  • - Tom Hanks. - Tom.

  • They're people that are bonafide stars.

  • - Wow.

  • - If you're doin' Hallmark movies, you might not get a test.

  • They might just not ...

  • I'm nervous.

  • I'm gonna be honest.

  • This is myself included.

  • (laughing)

  • You might be good.

  • - Oh, man.

  • I haven't gotten the test, though, so I mean ...

  • - I'm saying, if we was both in line to get the corona test,

  • and the swab lady came down the line,

  • she's be like, "Oh, Trevor Noah, come."

  • And I'd be like, "What about me?"

  • And she's be like, "No, Anthony Anderson.

  • "I don't watch Black-ish."

  • (laughing)

  • That's what would happen.

  • - Oh, man!

  • Oh, dude.

  • I hope you're wrong.

  • I hope you're wrong.

  • I heard too many people are trying to get the test,

  • so maybe that's a good thing.

  • I don't know.

  • Or maybe they should say every NBA player/movie star

  • that gets tested has to bring

  • a friend to get tested with them.

  • Maybe that's how we get the thing to everybody.

  • - I probably should wear--

  • I got more baseball gear in my house than basketball.

  • And I know that for sure I have enough

  • to make three-fourths of a Chicago Cubs uniform.

  • I have a hat, I have a glove,

  • I have a jersey, I have cleats.

  • I just need pants.

  • - And who are you gonna be on the team?

  • When they say, "Oh, you play for the Chicago Cubs?"

  • who are you gonna say you are?

  • - They probably won't believe I play baseball

  • 'cause I'm black.

  • It ain't but eight of us left.

  • So, I probably gotta learn Spanish

  • and trick 'em in to thinking I'm Dominican.

  • I don't--

  • Look, I'm just hoping that we continue to remain

  • alone together and that I don't get any symptoms.