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  • Good evening.

  • We are gathered here in New York City at NBC in Studio six.

  • Say where in just a moment, Conan O'Brien, the host of Late Night With Conan O'Brien, will enter the studio and deliver his state of the show address to various members of his staff, the studio audience and a national television audience watching at home there, of course, we see band leader Max Weinberg and the show's announcer, Joel Goddard, who have been with the show since the very beginning to of cones top men.

  • Here come two of the show's producers making the way down to their spots, which must mean that we are just about to get going here very shortly in just a moment.

  • Conan O'Brien.

  • Here we go, Ladies and gentlemen, the host of the show On There he is, Conan Christopher O'Brien.

  • He looks very confident on Why shouldn't this is his moment?

  • His moment to acknowledge the fans and his staff let all of them know exactly what kind of state this show is in.

  • Where are things at a late night?

  • Howard.

  • Things going a chance for him to reach out and touch base with fans, Keep them all abreast of the issues with things that were going on with the show.

  • Conan is talking to a woman in the audience right now.

  • It looks like he is explaining to her exactly who he is.

  • She's not sure.

  • Perhaps she was gonna go see The Rosie show instead, regardless of the fact she was clearly disappointed.

  • But he has taken the time, even in this event, to try and make her feel better.

  • This is one of the one of the things about him that landed in this job.

  • This is a pivotal speech for Tony.

  • He's never done anything like this before.

  • I think a lot of people have to be wondering what type of now he is greeting the band looks like he's talking to members of the Max Weinberg seven now making his way back.

  • There is a Max Weinberg who appears a little disappointed.

  • Apparently, Max thought he was delivering his state of the band of breast tonight.

  • Obviously, that is not the case there is.

  • Joe seems a little bit confused and disoriented.

  • Joel does not seem to do very well when he's out of that booth.

  • When you get him out of the booth.

  • It's a whole different ball game, just very confused right now.

  • Looks like we're just about ready for this.

  • Thank you.

  • Thank you very much.

  • Let me begin by saying that because I'm giving the state of the show address this evening.

  • I will not be doing my usual monologue tonight.

  • I want to begin by welcoming all of you to my first state of the show address before I go any further.

  • There are some people I'd like to acknowledge here this evening.

  • In particular, two very special people Joanne Wit and John Nordstrom, both of our viewers from that fine state of North Dakota.

  • Both of them are here.

  • Isn't that amazing?

  • Theo, Joanne and John, We salute your courage for watching this program and we thank you.

  • I also want to salute some of the people who really helped make the past year of late nights so special.

  • Of course, I'm talking about some of our great characters who have joined us tonight.

  • There is, of course, the robot on the toilet robot going to CEO Another character, the guy who's protected from three inch Bi's good to have you.

  • And finally, who can forget our old friend Preparation H.

  • Raymond, Look at him.

  • Right way All salute you, Raymond.

  • Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a fine show.

  • I also think we can make it better.

  • For example, I promised to show a new respect for our band leader, Max Weinberg in the coming year.

  • No longer will I for no reason, show this video or this video or this video in 2002.

  • You can expect more razor sharp political wit and satire and a lot less arbitrary humor.

  • Isn't that right?

  • Machine gun wielding goose?

  • Don't think about it to continue tonight.

  • I propose another big improvement for our show.

  • I'm talking about props tonight.

  • I am asking NBC to increase the budget of our prop department next year by $50,000 so that there could be new hilarious, silly props on this show.

  • By the year 2003 I hope viewers of our show will be able to see comedy bits that somehow or another involved a Michelangelo sculpture with Yankee Manager Joe Tories head on it.

  • I hope to see sketches with a large egg that looks like kid rock and a bathtub that can be driven around like a car on.

  • That's not all.

  • I promise big, big celebrities to drive that bathtub celebrities like Tom Cruise, but all that's gonna take time.

  • So in the meantime, enjoy driving a bathtub, Mr.

  • Abe Vigoda.

  • That's right.

  • Late night is great.

  • And during the next year, it will strive to be even better.

  • And that puts starts tonight as I welcome my guest comedian and political commentator Al Franken from Law and Order, Special Victims Unit and the HBO series Oz, Christopher Meloni and finally, comedian Mr Andy Blitz thing.

  • Gentlemen, I promised with hard work and determination we can pull together and make this the best late night show ever.

  • Thank you very much.

  • Well, that appears to be all.

  • That's it.

  • Uh, quite a masterful speech.

  • I would say this is a speech that people will be talking about for days, maybe even weeks to come.

  • But as Conan makes his way from the podium on being told now we're ready for the late night state of the show rebuttal.

  • Let's go to it now.

  • Here with the rebuttal, his response to Coleman's address is triumph The insult comic dog.

  • I am Good evening, First of all, I want to commend Conan O'Brien for his strong words.

  • Tonight it was truly a strong and powerful message for me to move on.

  • Seriously, it was powerful.

  • Give me a break.

  • Gone and being a speech man, listen to me that that was a real powerful speech.

  • I haven't been This moved since someone slipped laxatives in my elbow.

  • I kid i ke i kid, you know, these are not times seriously.

  • These are not times for finger pointing or the beach slapping.

  • We must bring both sides together.

  • Nothing like when I like myself.

  • The tongue and the pink thing must work together as one Now they may not always see eye to eye for I too read I as I came.

  • I keyed.

  • Excuse me.

  • So tonight, as I respond took on Let me put this response toe common as respectfully as I get you.

  • Suck you.

  • I'd rather go down on Benji than watch your show.

  • And it's not just call them.

  • I mean that drum guy Max.

  • What?

  • They're stiff.

  • Oh my God!

  • Yes.

  • You what?

  • They stiffed.

  • The other day I peed on him.

  • I thought it was a fire hydrant.

  • on that announcer freak.

  • What's that guy's story with the pony pain?

  • Look at that guy.

  • What do you crap out of the back of your neck?

  • It's a freak show.

  • I gave like a dyke kid at least corn and gets the best, most exciting guests like Al Franken.

  • Such a rare three that Al Franken's on the show tonight.

  • Come on, he's on the show more often than I'm in the Pekinese whorehouse.

  • Oh my!

  • He's about hope For Together we can work on the Silkiness thief.

  • Freaky Pony paid the rampant gay sex that I didn't have time to mention, but which, of course, involves Max.

  • And then we will make late night a beacon of hope.

  • A shining city on the hill.

Good evening.

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