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  • So I was at Staples a little while ago, and, uh, that's a lie I'm lying to right now.

  • In the beginning of the set, Uh, it was not a little while ago is about a year and 1/2 ago that I was at Staples, But as a comedian, you have to say it happened recently because the more recent something happened, the funnier it ISS.

  • So I was at Staples earlier today and I heard a woman in the aisle next to me yelling to somebody that works there.

  • Do you know where the vanilla folders are?

  • Vanilla fold.

  • It's Manila, you soft headed creature.

  • What are you talking about?

  • Vanilla full.

  • Are we eating folders now?

  • Yeah.

  • The vanilla folders.

  • Right down the aisle by the butter.

  • Scotch tape.

  • What are you talking about?

  • This is not Willy Wonka's house of pens.

  • Language is a big thing for me.

  • If you mispronounce a word, it will drive me insane.

  • You could be a perfect stranger like the Lady of Staples.

  • My best friend.

  • I love my best friend.

  • I hung up the phone on him mid conversation a little while ago was earlier today was right before the show and we were talking on the phone and he said I was on Netflix.

  • I was watching a document.

  • Terry Clark.

  • Throw what, Doc?

  • Human Terry.

  • I don't know what that is.

  • I know what a documentary is.

  • I know what a documentarian is, right?

  • They make or just eat documentaries.

  • Okay, that's a test joke that I do in the middle of this bit just to see where the audience is now.

  • I'm a little worried about the end of this This side of the the audience doing great, fantastic, really came with me.

  • All right, settle down on being timed this side.

  • You know, you're just you're doing well, I appreciate it too much, but at the end of this, But if this side, if you see this side laughing at the very end, just just go with it because it would be embarrassing for both of us.

  • So I moved a little while.

  • It was earlier to everything funny happened today.

  • It's been a very busy day for May.

  • I have a lot on my plate and I should not be here right now.

  • Ah, And when I moved, I met my wife's on for the first time she's lived in town her whole life, and she wanted to tell me the places to go and visit.

  • And she said, Oh, now that you live here, you gotta go see purgatory.

  • Chazz, um, it's beautiful at the Chazz, um, you can spend a whole day at the Chazz.

  • Um, you can pack a picnic for the chest, take pictures that that shaft, you gotta go to the chair.

  • As she said, Chazz, um, 300 times I was trying to be polite.

  • Finally, I said, I think it's chasm.

  • The word you think of his chasms, not Chazz omits chasm smaller than a canyon bigger than a gulch.

  • That's a chasm.

  • And then she said to me, Very bitchy, I think it's Chazz.

  • Um ch Chazz.

  • Um, really?

  • Did you learn that in stool?

  • Yeah, Thank you.

  • So we didn't go to her house for Christmas this year.

  • We were not allowed.

  • People get so mad at me when I correct them.

  • I'll do it every time, but they get very angry.

  • They call me a name that hurts my feelings.

  • They'll call me a grammar Nazi, and that hurts because it's not the correct term to use right Grammar Nazi.

  • That's very aggressive.

  • It's the only time we ever use Nazi and apply it to another word.

  • And it just sort of means you care about that thing, right?

  • Nobody's ever like, Oh, that Winston Churchill.

  • He was a real Nazi Nazi.

  • Yeah, it's mostly over here.

  • Grammar, Nazi.

  • It's so aggressive, right?

  • I'm not aggressive about correcting language.

  • I just take the stupidity.

  • I bottle it up inside my body, and then I secretly and quietly hope for a brighter future, not a Nazi.

  • If anything, I'm a grammar and frank.

  • That's the part of the joke I was worried about right there, right there.

  • That's what I was worried about.

  • Yeah, and oddly, this side really enjoyed.

  • It came with me, and I appreciate it.

  • This side went away thinking it's inappropriate.

  • Maybe Anne Frank wouldn't like that show.

  • I think Anne Frank would love that job because Anne Frank was a writer and I don't know if you knew this, but Anne Frank, she she was a bit of a grammar Nazi.

  • She was less of a laugh there.

  • This side's still with me, begrudgingly, as if to say, Well, we're here for free.

  • This sites still not giving me anything.

  • And now I'm starting to think it's because you don't know who Anne Frank Iss.

  • Just a bunch of people sitting there confused, Going to blind, deaf girl too soon.

  • You guys have been so much fun.

  • My name is Ray Harrington.

  • Thank you so much.

So I was at Staples a little while ago, and, uh, that's a lie I'm lying to right now.

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