Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • at the time is currently 11 18 PM It's past my bedtime.

  • I should be asleep by now.

  • But no, we'll make you video.

  • Long time no see, my friends.

  • Hello.

  • It's being a awhile haven't kept up with how long it's bean.

  • But it's been while I was thinking about just like posting a video.

  • Just pretending like this break never happened.

  • But, you know, I think we just go to talk about it a little bit.

  • And I will just tell you how I'm doing what's been going on in my life.

  • That will say, I'm gonna be eating this fruit while I do it.

  • Just a heads up about this fruit.

  • I got this fruit before at the same time that I got that other word for it.

  • That in bed that I ate in the in the weird fruit video that I did a while ago.

  • So this fruit is that old?

  • It is your memory march, possibly a five month old fruit.

  • Now, with this one, it was originally green, Uh, but over time I looked it up and it said to put it in a warm place and it will gradually ripened in turn orange, if you have it.

  • Well, it's unripe.

  • It tastes like a cucumber if you have.

  • Well, that's right.

  • Dinner.

  • What?

  • Tastes like pie.

  • A probably a passion fruit, I think Don't even know this cold thing.

  • It's a whole new melon, but, uh, yeah, we will be consuming this or not consuming this.

  • If it is rotten on the inside, where to begin?

  • Things have been pretty darn good.

  • Yeah, I've just been living life enjoying it.

  • I don't want to take your creative a little bit of modeling here in that, um, and not doing any youtube up.

  • See where the YouTube It's no, Like, I've made the decision to, uh, not film.

  • I've been meaning to film, but, uh, I just didn't happen.

  • Oh, wow.

  • Oh, wow.

  • That all right?

  • It smells on kind of sour.

  • And the thing is, I've had ideas for YouTube.

  • I had quite a few ideas.

  • I even have, like, a thing where I like going and write down my ideas and like, what stage that it's in.

  • But I've realized that I've been coming up with a lot of excuses.

  • How in the heck am I supposed to get all these out.

  • Oh, all right.

  • Oh, you like, huh?

  • That's such a sound.

  • Oh, God.

  • You hearing this?

  • No, but yeah, No matter what I do, videos just don't seem to happen.

  • And it's always my own brain getting in the way of myself.

  • I might actually just be a lazy human being, and I don't know how to have a work ethic and blah blah, blah, blah.

  • I'm sure it isn't like that, but, you know, maybe I am.

  • Maybe I just don't have the same work ethic.

  • Is other people, uh, who were in the same industries?

  • May.

  • I was watching this thing of the day about YouTube from a channel called Weezy.

  • Waiter.

  • I think it is.

  • And he says, like, videos need to have a purpose.

  • What is the purpose of your videos?

  • And I thought about that for a while, and I was like, Have I lost my Pappas right here?

  • I really haven't.

  • I get three poisoning from a five month old fruit like passion fruit, but a little less slimy on the outside.

  • Uh, no much flavor.

  • It's a little sow and like the faintest little bit sweet, But like belly, it does mainly taste like cucumber.

  • I mean, it's edible.

  • No worth having it on my desk for five months.

  • Edible there anyway.

  • Yes, purpose.

  • So I would like a film some videos as somebody who's ready to go.

  • And then I watched this video and it was like, What is the purpose of your videos you've been using?

  • You have purpose.

  • Nell's like man, what is my purpose?

  • And then all the purposes I could think I felt so shallow, like I have video soon coming out about how I got my straight poem redone and retouched.

  • It's an informative video.

  • The purpose is to tell people how I feel about the street poem and and if I would do it again, Is that purpose enough?

  • It feels shallow.

  • You get sick from eating unripe fruit.

  • Can't you know?

  • No.

  • The reason I keep eating is that feel like it's such a waste of my time to have worked on this for five months and then to not eat it.

  • So we'll also I've been thinking, what is my motivation to make videos?

  • Because I guess when I started making videos on when I first moved to Japan, I was actually a very lonely human being.

  • I was very incredibly deeply lonely, and I was very sad.

  • I was in these huge fluctuations of motion where I was like, Wow, I'm so happy.

  • This is the most beautiful, amazing place, and everything's crazy and new and fresh.

  • And then the evening, I'd be like, Oh, my God, I'm so alone.

  • I don't have anyone.

  • When are they gonna do with my camera?

  • Batteries just died.

  • S o I got my camera.

  • They were good together.

  • Let this be a lesson to everyone to always have your camera batteries charged.

  • Anyway, where was I?

  • It was like highs and lows.

  • All the title Iwas amazing.

  • Oh, well, really lonely.

  • And I don't know what to do on.

  • And yet that was the motivation and the driving force behind most or a lot of my videos, some of it.

  • The drive was also like, I'm in this new amazing place and I want experience it with with the camera as well.

  • Like, it was this kind of freshness to it.

  • And yeah, I've seen it for three years now.

  • And so that kind of freshness and want to to show everything to everyone is kind of It has kind of died down a little bit, but also, back then I was sad.

  • And now I'm not sad.

  • I'm in a very nice place in my life where I have a lot of stability.

  • When I moved countries, it was like, I don't know what's gonna happen.

  • I don't know what the next Yeah, it's gonna look like in my life or even the next, Like, six months.

  • Anything's up to change.

  • And now I have a good kind of stability where I kind of feel like I know what's gonna happen.

  • I've got a really good set of friends who are there to support me, no matter what I've got.

  • Eric, who's there to support me no matter what.

  • I've got a lot of good, stable relationships and work, and it's all good.

  • And so I'm not having these crazy, sad emotions anymore.

  • My hamster is awake.

  • Hawass.

  • She's running on a wheel.

  • I know she wants the lights off.

  • They'll be off soon.

  • I'm sorry.

  • It's past my bedtime, and it's past her wake up times she's getting ahead of the day, perhaps, is a nocturnal.

  • Just say no West.

  • My creative energy going.

  • I feel like a lot of my creative energy, especially through universities.

  • Well, old from these crazy bro emotions.

  • And now I'm like, pretty chill.

  • So, like, um, what do I do?

  • It's causing me to second guess a lot of my ideas because I feel like that very blend.

  • And they're very like Nora's.

  • Artistic is Emma could have bean back in the day or, uh, they just don't have much like substance to them.

  • They just quite normal ideas, which so this is my logical brain.

  • It's like Emma, that's totally fine.

  • Just do anything.

  • You can literally do anything.

  • It's your channel.

  • Is your life just like, uh, do something?

  • Do something.

  • Do something I'm other brains like, but I haven't done something in a while now.

  • It's been a while, and everyone's like, Oh, Emma's gone guests.

  • She's gone again.

  • I feel like the fruit was over too fast.

  • I'm gonna eat caramel instead.

  • What's that?

  • I don't need a caramel.

  • You just about to go to bed?

  • You're gonna have caramel fever dreams.

  • Bring it.

  • I've lost my sense of purpose.

  • Motivation with videos.

  • There you go.

  • What do I need to do to get around that or to work through that.

  • What is my new motivation of my new goals with YouTube?

  • Gonna be Is it money?

  • I don't think so.

  • Because, you know, when you look a YouTube, you can kind of tell whose motivation is solely money.

  • I mean, obviously, money has go to be a part of YouTube.

  • This is What's that saying?

  • Like, if you get a job doing something you love, you'll never work a day in your life.

  • That's wrong, because I think anything.

  • If you have to do it as a job, it will become a job.

  • Yeah.

  • Also, I just want to say that I don't want to stop making videos.

  • It's It's not that I'm like, I'm not burnt out because I haven't been making video.

  • I'm just lazy.

  • No, not lazy.

  • Maybe I'm lazy.

  • Maybe I'm lazy.

  • I don't know, but yeah, this isn't a bone out.

  • Do not worry about my mental health.

  • I'm, like, pretty pretty good.

  • Um, I just I need the motivation to make videos, and I miss it.

  • I miss making videos on this.

  • Like, if I miss it, why am I not doing it?

  • I'm doing it right now.