Name: RACISM.
Uploaded: 2020-03-20T18:50:36.000Z
Duration: 15 min 11 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Past simple

Today I wanted to sit here and turn on the camera and talk to you guys about some really serious subjects, some issues that I have been dealing with for a long time and just have a one on one with you guys.

This video is something that I feel like I owe to my entire audience.

Through the last 10 years, I have lived my life on social media, which is really crazy to think about.

It's been a really long journey from being a little musician on a little website to my career now, and as I sit here, I realized that I have a bigger platform sometimes.

Then I realized myself and there are millions of people out there that watch me that know about my life that followed my story, and I feel like it's time that I get out a little bit more of my story.

And this video is mainly about something that is a really fucked up subject that I've had to dealt with for a long time, and it concerns old videos that were filmed at me 12 years ago.

Now I want to go on the record and say that.

I know there's a lot of people out there that love and support me.

There are millions of you that watch my videos that are out there and that support me.

But there's also other people out there that do not like me.

And that's okay if you do not like what I'm about.

If you hate me, if you despise me, if you're not into what I'm about, you do not need to watch this.

But I would really appreciate if you could listen to my story and what I have to say with an open mind.

And I think from human being to human being fuck YouTube.

Fuck the makeup, Everything that we are so consumed with past all the fun tutorials past, everything I want to speak to you as a human being that breathes on this Earth with you.

For the last few years, as I have joined the YouTube community, I have been, uh, definitely subjected to a lot of drama.

You know, someone that looks different, and I realized that with all of that is going to come the negative.

But the negative can be very, very dark and ugly.

And every time that I get into an online and, you know, conflict or confrontation or some crazy feud, whether it's with my ex best friend or a celebrity or other YouTubers, a lot of stuff from my past constantly gets dragged up.

It's been happening for years in these videos.

I say some really disgusting, vile, nasty and embarrassing things.

It is always going to be there, and my past has been recorded.

It has been exploited all over the Internet, and I'm sitting here and those videos were 12 years ago and and I look at them and I see them resurface and it just makes me sick to my stomach because I don't know who that person waas.

I know exactly the person I am today, but I do not know who that person waas the person that said those horrible, vile things.

That person felt like they were not accepted.

I was someone that loved to seek attention when I was younger, I loved the shock value.

I loved fighting anger with anger and I didn't know any better.

I want to look everyone in the eyes and let you know that everything that you have seen is so just wrong.

It really makes me sick to my stomach toe wash those old videos because what I was saying is not what I represent.

I think that racism is a very serious subject, especially in today's world.

I'm embarrassed as a person because that is not what I've ever stood for.

I am all about self expression, self worth, self love, and I think it's awful that you guys have to see me and that light because I don't ever want that to take with a message that I have always been about.

So I want to sit here and I have talked about this before on my space back in the day, I have addresses on Snapchat.

I have talked about this on Twitter in the past, but that is not good enough because for everyone out there that supports me that believes in me, I owe you the truth.

I am so sorry for everything that I've said in my past.

I can never turn back time and take those moments away.

I have owned up with them and I have lived with it for a long time.

And every time that they get re dragged up, it just makes me just sad because I don't know who that person waas.

I think it's really important to share that growing up.

I started wearing makeup in 10th grade and the world was not how it is today.

10 years ago, there were no guys to make up on YouTube.

There was no men in makeup parading the streets.

There was no people like me, and I was very alone and I was also fearless.

I did not care that the world was not accepting me.

I come from a family of chaos, alcoholism and abuse.

And when I discovered makeup, that was my happy place.

I got to go and go playing makeup for hours and escape the horrible reality that was my life and my shitty fucking parents and my crazy upbringing.

And, you know, 10 years ago when I left the house, I wish it was like today.

I think that people don't realize how it really Waas and I would leave the house and people would spit on me.

They would scream, freak, and they would degrade me every single day And what I do I fought back with rage and looking back, I am 31 years old now and looking back at that person who had just graduated high school, who had turned 18 turned 19 and then was just out into the world, I was emotionally abused.

Every time that I left the house, people did not accept me.

People would scream shit out their car every single day.

I want to set an example for the youth and the future in front of me.

And I want to go on record and let you know that that is not okay.

Just because someone insults you, It is not okay to fight back with sometimes bucks.

And I think that at the end of the date, people forget past the money, the cars, the clothes.

I am just one tiny little person on this earth trying to make a better life for me and my family.

I am literally the furthest thing from perfect.

I make mistakes every day, but I have learned from them and the intent behind my words back then.

I don't even know what the fuck like I don't know how that exists into people.

I said really horrible, vicious things back to people toe hurt them, tow, harm them to shock them, and to let them know that you're gonna call me something.

I'm gonna cut you back so hard and make you feel like a piece of shit because you made me feel low and that is not okay.

It is not okay to fight words with words like that.

And I have been subject to a lot of stuff recently.

The last two years has been so difficult.

Subtitles ListPlay Video

RACISM.

stuff

process

nasty

expression