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  • Hey guys! Today I want to talk about kind of a complicated but important subject.

  • We get a lot of questions that are, “How can I date a Japanese guy?”

  • orDo Japanese girls like guys with long hair?”

  • or most commonly of all people just say, “I want to date a Japanese person!!”

  • And I think this is a really important topic to talk about.

  • First of all, I’m curious for those of you who have been thinking things like this:

  • why specifically single out Japanese people?

  • If youre compatible with someone then it shouldn’t really matter what ethnicity they are,

  • or what country theyre from, right?

  • I get a little worried sometimes when I see comments like this that

  • people are basing that want off of stereotypes that they have about Japanese people.

  • The most common one that we hear about of course is men saying,

  • “I want a Japanese wife because she’s going to stay at home and do all the cooking

  • and cleaning and she's gonna let me be the head of the house and make all the decisions,

  • and be kind of like subservient.” You know, that sort of thing.

  • And I also hear a lot on the opposite side of things.

  • People saying, "I don't ever want to date Japanese people because..."

  • and the most common thing I heard about this is women saying,

  • "Japanese men are abusive to their wives or they expect to make all the decisions.

  • They expect their women to stay at home and cook and clean and just have babies" and stuff like that.

  • And both sides of this, these stereotypes, these are bad.

  • Putting aside for a moment the fact that it’s offensive to generalize an entire population like that,

  • you can’t generalize people when it comes to dating.

  • There are lots of fun videos and blog posts on the internet that list ways to date in Japan.

  • And while I think they're fun to look at, they're kind of like Facebook quizzes:

  • they don't actually mean much.

  • Generalizations like that work GREAT when you're talking about manners and etiquette,

  • and things like that, because manners apply to large portions of people.

  • You're going to enact your manners around lots of people. Not just a single person.

  • So for example, if you go on the subway in Japan, you can say “I shouldn’t talk on

  • my phone because it’s going to bother a lot of people.”

  • And that would be true because maybe, let's say statistically

  • 80 out of the 100 people around you would be bothered if you talked on your phone.

  • But you can’t point at one specific person on the train and say,

  • “I would bother that guy if I talked on my phone," because you don't know that guy.

  • You have no idea what he's thinking.

  • So generalizations don't work when you're talking about individual people.

  • When youre in a relationship, youre dating one person (generally).

  • Youre not dating the entire subway.

  • You have no idea what that one person's

  • thoughts and ideals and mindset is going to be about everything.

  • So you have to treat them a person. You can't base how to date them off of generalizations.

  • So wanting to date or not date Japanese people based off of stereotypes,

  • isn't really a good thing.

  • But are there reasons that are okay for wanting to specifically date Japanese people?

  • This is so complicated, and I don’t think it’s very cut and dry.

  • People have preferences.

  • Some people like skinny people, some people like chubby people, some people like blondes,

  • some people like redheads, some people like monolids, some people like narrow noses, some

  • people like tan skin, some people like hairy chests.

  • That's just a personal preference and you can’t really help what youre attracted to.

  • As long as youre not stereotyping someone,

  • and youre open to dating other people if someone youre compatible with comes along,

  • then I personally don't think it's a problem.

  • But some people do have an issue with it.

  • Some people don’t want others to be attracted to them just because they

  • have blonde hair, or just because they're Asian.

  • And that is a completely okay thing for them to feel.

  • I think that physical attraction is a big part of initially liking someone, but generally

  • you stay in a relationship because you like other things about them, too. Like you like

  • Like you like their personality and their ideals.

  • Looks are going to change for everyone. That’s just how life goes.

  • So while I think it’s okay to have physical preferences, you also

  • need more to a relationship than just that.

  • Unless you know youre just looking for like a mutual agreement FWBs kind of relationship.

  • And that's your decision to make, too.

  • In the end though you can't really tell people how to date.

  • People are going to do what they want and if it’s not hurting anyone else

  • then I don't really think it's anyone's business.

  • There are people here in Japan who only want to date foreigners, we call them gaijin hunters.

  • So I personally think, why not let gaijin hunters and people with yellow fever date each other?

  • Because maybe theyre just going to be super freaking happy together, I don't know.

  • But if theyre only dating each other based off of stereotypes, then them dating

  • each other is the quickest way for them to realize that those stereotypes probably aren't true.

  • So I don't have an issue with that sort of thing.

  • And Jun's not here, but we've talked about this before and he agrees with me, too.

  • I'm personally kind of a "if everyone's happy and healthy in a relationship then I don't

  • care, it's none of my business, they can do whatever they want" sort of person.

  • But that's just me.

  • But I do think it’s important to at least talk about this subject, especially since

  • it’s becoming so common these days for people to fetishize people who are Asian.

  • And not just that, but people refuse to date people who are Asian based off of

  • incorrect, negative stereotypes.

  • I didn’t know what to expect when I started dating Jun.

  • I met him the very first day that I came to Japan,

  • and I had heard so many things like,

  • "Japanese men are abusive" or "Japanese men are controlling"

  • or "They sleep around. They don't let women make decisions," and all that kind of stuff.

  • So I actually in the beginning tried really hard not to become interested in him because

  • I was really worried about those things.

  • I thought, “He SEEMS like the nicest guy in the world, and he can cook, and he's athletic,

  • and he’s so smart and sexy,

  • but maybe secretly he doesn’t respect women, or maybe he would

  • expect a woman to stay at home and cook and have kidsand stuff like that.

  • But none of those things were true.

  • Every negative stereotype I had heard about Japanese men didn't apply to Jun.

  • He really was just as amazing as he seemed to me.

  • So I think negative stereotypes like that are also hurtful,

  • and honestly I hear them a lot.

  • So I want to make sure that people aren't interested in specifically dating or not dating Japanese people

  • just because of stereotypes, because you can't stereotype individual people like that.

  • Everyone’s their own unique person. You just have to get to know them.

  • But what do you guys think? Please let me know. Thanks for watching! Bye :D

Hey guys! Today I want to talk about kind of a complicated but important subject.

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A2 people japanese dating date japanese people relationship

Dating someone because they're Japanese? 日本人とデートしたい外国人?

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    林宜悉 posted on 2020/03/19
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